Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)
Met her two years ago on a beach in Jamaica. Many will remember the posts I made on location at Seven Mile Beach.
The white temptress seduced me with her clapping ass cheeks, large trust fund, and tits the size of my head.
Things got pretty rough during the Bed Bath and Beyond and Fondue Party days, when she tried to reform me. I fought back with a stint in rehab and two separate bouts of sort of cheating - she thinks it was full on cheating, I think it was a sort of type deal. Agree to disagree I tell her.
Anyway, wedding has been planned for several months, which is why I never mention doing much of anything fun anymore and am basically just waiting to die now. @Pitchfork51 time for you to throw off the shackles of "off-brand" me and carry the torch for all drunk skirt chasing retards everywhere. My stories now will consist of how I am planning a new flowerbed or faggoty golf outings with well off white fucks. I hate my life.
But wait, it gets better! Found out two weeks ago she is pregnant. So, what was originally planned as a big country club wedding is now more of a shotgun affair.
Yep, that's right. My life isn't just over, it's dead and buried under 7 feet of hopelessness and broken dreams. So that's that. Almost made it 46 years without marriage and kids. Now I get them both in 6 months. If I could kill Karma with fire I would.
Ah well, fuck it. I was holding out for @dnc , but he died. Then I moved on to @Doog_de_Jour but she had me arrested. Three times.
So, this is where life ends up. Mowing grass every weekend, picking out china patterns and shopping for strollers. If I don't post for awhile it's probably because I've killed myself. Someone take good care of the Truck Stop and the Wigwam for me. I'm counting on you.
And finally I would like to say fare the well and I'm sorry to all the tits I never bounced off my face, and all the blow I never snorted, and all the hookers who won't make rent now. I saw @SpiritHorse a few days ago and he said he felt too sorry for me to shit on my head. So I don't even have that anymore. Orkin was nice enough to give me a week off for the honeymoon, so I've got that going for me. Question for the bored....is it cheating if the new wife is pregnant and you're on the honeymoon? What I mean is, when do the vows REALLY start, and does her fucking up and getting pregnant give me any extra days of technical sexual freedom? TIA
And @FirePete before you even think of talking shit be advised I have already IP traced you and will blow up that shithole you call a home.
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Congrats!
This is almost too much for me to process this early though. Holy shit. -
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Already been PMed and NO, none of you are invited to the wedding. Jesus. As if shit wasn't bad enough, imagine my new in-laws joy at getting to meet @CuntWaffle , @PurpleThrobber and @Rapeculturedawg .
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Asshole. But I must say, top shelf asshole work here.PurpleThrobber said:
Is Little @Swaye-to-be registered at Babies R Us? -
Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
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I'm so glad you came (lulz) one last time to see me off. Cyber?dnc said:
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Do not find out the sex for like 8 more weeks, but if God has any kind of a sense of humor it will be a girl. I'll reach out to @Doog_de_Jour to find out how to make her a DWAG fan for life. If she will just drop the restraining order. Wedding present maybe?backthepack said:Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
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It will definitely be a girl.Swaye said:
Do not find out the sex for like 8 more weeks, but if God has any kind of a sense of humor it will be a girl. I'll reach out to @Doog_de_Jour to find out how to make her a DWAG fan for life. If she will just drop the restraining order. Wedding present maybe?backthepack said:Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
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Girl twins IMObackthepack said:
It will definitely be a girl.Swaye said:
Do not find out the sex for like 8 more weeks, but if God has any kind of a sense of humor it will be a girl. I'll reach out to @Doog_de_Jour to find out how to make her a DWAG fan for life. If she will just drop the restraining order. Wedding present maybe?backthepack said:Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
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It we are being honest this is a sad day in HH history.
Rip my sweet prince Swaye. -
Goddammit, Swaye. You do everything with gusto. Even when you fuck up the rest of your life, you do it with gusto. Nothing is ever half-ass with you.
With that said, T's & P's.
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YBFE I needed that laffPurpleBaze said:Goddammit, Swaye. You do everything with gusto. Even when you fuck up the rest of your life, you do it with gusto. Nothing is ever half-ass with you.
With that said, T's & P's. -
Jamaica....7 Mile Beach?? I'm going there for the first time ever in 10 days...not them I'm counting down or anything.
Shotgun wedding...And how did Swaye go to token Indian (feathers not dot) to White Trash in such a short time? -
Swaye married...
Swaye going to be a father...
DNC is back.....
Congrats bud. Had to read it twice to process it. Stunning stuff lol -
Hope yer good at NTD, BB. Cause that's gonna be it for a while chief.
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Congrats good sir. If you ever need to dump your rolex collection to pay for white devil private school i'm here for you.
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Swaye said:
Ah well, fuck it. I was holding out for @dnc , but he died. Then I moved on to @Doog_de_Jour but she had me arrested. Three times.
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Thanks for keeping the secret lo these many moons. And yes, I have noticed she is super horned up right now (newly preggers?), but figure after the honeymoon is the end of my sexual life. Lucky for me I have put onYellowSnow said:Hope yer good at NTD, BB. Cause that's gonna be it for a while chief.
1520 pounds in the 2 years we've been together. Since it's all over i may just say fuck it and throw on about 100 more and go for the Fetters physique. -
Yeah man. It is fantastic. I was drunk almost the entire time, but what I remember was fucking tits (word play lulz).HuskyJW said:Jamaica....7 Mile Beach?? I'm going there for the first time ever in 10 days...not them I'm counting down or anything.
Shotgun wedding...And how did Swaye go to token Indian (feathers not dot) to White Trash in such a short time? -
I have you on speed dial. Fuck I may have to let a Submariner go to pay for fucking diapers!Doogles said:Congrats good sir. If you ever need to dump your rolex collection to pay for white devil private school i'm here for you.
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I’m going to refrain from commenting on the pic and simply say congrats? On your conquest.Swaye said:Not sure where to put this, and I feel quite certain NOGAF, but, well, I am getting married one month from today. July 13th, a day that will live in infamy. A few of the people I sext with from the boreds already knew about this, and I thank them for keeping this quiet for so long. Good dudes on this here fan message bored.
Met her two years ago on a beach in Jamaica. Many will remember the posts I made on location at Seven Mile Beach.
The white temptress seduced me with her clapping ass cheeks, large trust fund, and tits the size of my head.
Things got pretty rough during the Bed Bath and Beyond and Fondue Party days, when she tried to reform me. I fought back with a stint in rehab and two separate bouts of sort of cheating - she thinks it was full on cheating, I think it was a sort of type deal. Agree to disagree I tell her.
Anyway, wedding has been planned for several months, which is why I never mention doing much of anything fun anymore and am basically just waiting to die now. @Pitchfork51 time for you to throw off the shackles of "off-brand" me and carry the torch for all drunk skirt chasing retards everywhere. My stories now will consist of how I am planning a new flowerbed or faggoty golf outings with well off white fucks. I hate my life.
But wait, it gets better! Found out two weeks ago she is pregnant. So, what was originally planned as a big country club wedding is now more of a shotgun affair.
Yep, that's right. My life isn't just over, it's dead and buried under 7 feet of hopelessness and broken dreams. So that's that. Almost made it 46 years without marriage and kids. Now I get them both in 6 months. If I could kill Karma with fire I would.
Ah well, fuck it. I was holding out for @dnc , but he died. Then I moved on to @Doog_de_Jour but she had me arrested. Three times.
So, this is where life ends up. Mowing grass every weekend, picking out china patterns and shopping for strollers. If I don't post for awhile it's probably because I've killed myself. Someone take good care of the Truck Stop and the Wigwam for me. I'm counting on you.
And finally I would like to say fare the well and I'm sorry to all the tits I never bounced off my face, and all the blow I never snorted, and all the hookers who won't make rent now. I saw @SpiritHorse a few days ago and he said he felt too sorry for me to shit on my head. So I don't even have that anymore. Orkin was nice enough to give me a week off for the honeymoon, so I've got that going for me. Question for the bored....is it cheating if the new wife is pregnant and you're on the honeymoon? What I mean is, when do the vows REALLY start, and does her fucking up and getting pregnant give me any extra days of technical sexual freedom? TIA
And @FirePete before you even think of talking shit be advised I have already IP traced you and will blow up that shithole you call a home.
I was then going to say at least you’re not having... oh wait.
Welcome to the soul sucking life that is a wife and kid(s).
As you are one of few who are slightly entertained my me, I believe you will find me to be more and more entertained as your soul is completely sucked from your body and you then stand where I stand.
At least yours is a 10 and so after kid she’ll still be higher than a 3 1/2.
And when times get tough, just thank allah that it could be worse, you could be dirtysouwfdawg with 4, yes 4, fucking kids and a 3 1/2.
FML - yours is going to be awesome!!
All jokes aside, congrats! -
Holy shit! Newborn baby at 45!? I'm a broken pile of torn cartilage and sore joints that can't keep up with my kids already, and I was 30 when I started. I thought having babies at 45 was reserved for Hollywood types?
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It would be peak irony if she turned into a tatted up slut someday.Swaye said:
Do not find out the sex for like 8 more weeks, but if God has any kind of a sense of humor it will be a girl. I'll reach out to @Doog_de_Jour to find out how to make her a DWAG fan for life. If she will just drop the restraining order. Wedding present maybe?backthepack said:Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
Worry bout u Swaye! -
I was a Hollywood type once. Now I am a middle aged loser who is finally getting fat quick and all my joints are wrecked and I usually have trouble peeing in the morning after several strains of what can only be described as Filipino Dong Death. I was very honest months ago when I said I am fading so quickly i might as well just go ahead and get married to a hot young thing who knew me before I fell off a cliff looks and health wise. Welp, here we are.1to392831weretaken said:Holy shit! Newborn baby at 45!? I'm a broken pile of torn cartilage and sore joints that can't keep up with my kids already, and I was 30 when I started. I thought having babies at 45 was reserved for Hollywood types?
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I like your marriage and wife jokes because I am already dealing with this soul crushing reality. I just think you are an acquired taste and some of the retards are too dumb to get it.dirtysouwfdawg said:
I’m going to refrain from commenting on the pic and simply say congrats? On your conquest.Swaye said:Not sure where to put this, and I feel quite certain NOGAF, but, well, I am getting married one month from today. July 13th, a day that will live in infamy. A few of the people I sext with from the boreds already knew about this, and I thank them for keeping this quiet for so long. Good dudes on this here fan message bored.
Met her two years ago on a beach in Jamaica. Many will remember the posts I made on location at Seven Mile Beach.
The white temptress seduced me with her clapping ass cheeks, large trust fund, and tits the size of my head.
Things got pretty rough during the Bed Bath and Beyond and Fondue Party days, when she tried to reform me. I fought back with a stint in rehab and two separate bouts of sort of cheating - she thinks it was full on cheating, I think it was a sort of type deal. Agree to disagree I tell her.
Anyway, wedding has been planned for several months, which is why I never mention doing much of anything fun anymore and am basically just waiting to die now. @Pitchfork51 time for you to throw off the shackles of "off-brand" me and carry the torch for all drunk skirt chasing retards everywhere. My stories now will consist of how I am planning a new flowerbed or faggoty golf outings with well off white fucks. I hate my life.
But wait, it gets better! Found out two weeks ago she is pregnant. So, what was originally planned as a big country club wedding is now more of a shotgun affair.
Yep, that's right. My life isn't just over, it's dead and buried under 7 feet of hopelessness and broken dreams. So that's that. Almost made it 46 years without marriage and kids. Now I get them both in 6 months. If I could kill Karma with fire I would.
Ah well, fuck it. I was holding out for @dnc , but he died. Then I moved on to @Doog_de_Jour but she had me arrested. Three times.
So, this is where life ends up. Mowing grass every weekend, picking out china patterns and shopping for strollers. If I don't post for awhile it's probably because I've killed myself. Someone take good care of the Truck Stop and the Wigwam for me. I'm counting on you.
And finally I would like to say fare the well and I'm sorry to all the tits I never bounced off my face, and all the blow I never snorted, and all the hookers who won't make rent now. I saw @SpiritHorse a few days ago and he said he felt too sorry for me to shit on my head. So I don't even have that anymore. Orkin was nice enough to give me a week off for the honeymoon, so I've got that going for me. Question for the bored....is it cheating if the new wife is pregnant and you're on the honeymoon? What I mean is, when do the vows REALLY start, and does her fucking up and getting pregnant give me any extra days of technical sexual freedom? TIA
And @FirePete before you even think of talking shit be advised I have already IP traced you and will blow up that shithole you call a home.
I was then going to say at least you’re not having... oh wait.
Welcome to the soul sucking life that is a wife and kid(s).
As you are one of few who are slightly entertained my me, I believe you will find me to be more and more entertained as your soul is completely sucked from your body and you then stand where I stand.
At least yours is a 10 and so after kid she’ll still be higher than a 3 1/2.
And when times get tough, just thank allah that it could be worse, you could be dirtysouwfdawg with 4, yes 4, fucking kids and a 3 1/2.
FML - yours is going to be awesome!!
All jokes aside, congrats! -
God hates me. This is 100% my future. She will probably end up in porn.PurpleJ said:
It would be peak irony if she turned into a tatted up slut someday.Swaye said:
Do not find out the sex for like 8 more weeks, but if God has any kind of a sense of humor it will be a girl. I'll reach out to @Doog_de_Jour to find out how to make her a DWAG fan for life. If she will just drop the restraining order. Wedding present maybe?backthepack said:Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
Worry bout u Swaye!
