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Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)

SwayeSwaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,190 Founders Club
edited June 2019 in Classics
Not sure where to put this, and I feel quite certain NOGAF, but, well, I am getting married one month from today. July 13th, a day that will live in infamy. A few of the people I sext with from the boreds already knew about this, and I thank them for keeping this quiet for so long. Good dudes on this here fan message bored.

Met her two years ago on a beach in Jamaica. Many will remember the posts I made on location at Seven Mile Beach.

The white temptress seduced me with her clapping ass cheeks, large trust fund, and tits the size of my head.

Things got pretty rough during the Bed Bath and Beyond and Fondue Party days, when she tried to reform me. I fought back with a stint in rehab and two separate bouts of sort of cheating - she thinks it was full on cheating, I think it was a sort of type deal. Agree to disagree I tell her.

Anyway, wedding has been planned for several months, which is why I never mention doing much of anything fun anymore and am basically just waiting to die now. @Pitchfork51 time for you to throw off the shackles of "off-brand" me and carry the torch for all drunk skirt chasing retards everywhere. My stories now will consist of how I am planning a new flowerbed or faggoty golf outings with well off white fucks. I hate my life.

But wait, it gets better! Found out two weeks ago she is pregnant. So, what was originally planned as a big country club wedding is now more of a shotgun affair.

Yep, that's right. My life isn't just over, it's dead and buried under 7 feet of hopelessness and broken dreams. So that's that. Almost made it 46 years without marriage and kids. Now I get them both in 6 months. If I could kill Karma with fire I would.

Ah well, fuck it. I was holding out for @dnc , but he died. Then I moved on to @Doog_de_Jour but she had me arrested. Three times.

So, this is where life ends up. Mowing grass every weekend, picking out china patterns and shopping for strollers. If I don't post for awhile it's probably because I've killed myself. Someone take good care of the Truck Stop and the Wigwam for me. I'm counting on you.

And finally I would like to say fare the well and I'm sorry to all the tits I never bounced off my face, and all the blow I never snorted, and all the hookers who won't make rent now. I saw @SpiritHorse a few days ago and he said he felt too sorry for me to shit on my head. So I don't even have that anymore. Orkin was nice enough to give me a week off for the honeymoon, so I've got that going for me. Question for the it cheating if the new wife is pregnant and you're on the honeymoon? What I mean is, when do the vows REALLY start, and does her fucking up and getting pregnant give me any extra days of technical sexual freedom? TIA

And @FirePete before you even think of talking shit be advised I have already IP traced you and will blow up that shithole you call a home.



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