Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)
Comments
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Honeymooning in Maltby?Swaye said:
Yeah, the shit people have laid down in this thread is hysterical. Certainly an all timer. Not moving it yet though because there might be more Facebook funsies or wedding advice nuggets I cannot live without.TurdBomber said:
Classics Board. Immediately. Fucking Bullseye.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet.
Also, FRANNY! -
It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber? -
I'm taping this to my bathroom mirror.Houhusky said:I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.
As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.
Makes me look not too bad in comparison.
Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house
Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme
Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.
Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.
Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.
Far easier.
My son's, too. -
You forgot the peace pipes, I believe that’s an essential bowl for dinner as well.BleachedAnusDawg said:It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber? -
You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.BleachedAnusDawg said:It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber? -
Also changed the title to better reflect what's happening in here.
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@backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.Swaye said:
You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.BleachedAnusDawg said:It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber?
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This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.UW_Doog_Bot said:
@backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.Swaye said:
You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.BleachedAnusDawg said:It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber? -
Houhusky said:
I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.
As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.
Makes me look not too bad in comparison.
Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house
Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme
Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.
Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.
Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.
Far easier.
I constantly share with Mrs. Courics shit from this site. It reinforces the idea that my slow strategy white lifestyle is the perfect match for stable and secure for a long term life.
Meanwhile I get my fix of living life dangerously by proxy of you degenerate fucks.
And enough Chins cannot be given for the reality trash tv recommendation to paint yourself in the light of the old gods.
As a 30 year old Mrs. Courics is still interested in MTV. But those reality shows are full of guys lying straight to every girl’s face just to fuck them and move on. But it’s on camera and we as viewers get to see every moment. I look like the greatest man who ever lived compared to these fucks.
But TLC, every reality show on that channel is full of complete fucking retards. 90 Day Fiancé, Love After Lockup, etc keep her entertained with a glass of wine and make me look like Einstein.
All told a slow strategy faithful husband who watches too much sports, drinks too much whiskey, and stalks teen bois looks like the greatest decision of her life. -
U lying fuck swayeSwaye said:
This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.UW_Doog_Bot said:
@backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.Swaye said:
You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.BleachedAnusDawg said:It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber?
You know btp can't grow facial hair -
Pitchfork51 said:
U lying fuck swayeSwaye said:
This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.UW_Doog_Bot said:
@backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.Swaye said:
You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.BleachedAnusDawg said:It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.
Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.
What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?
Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber?
You know btp can't grow hair on his ballsack -
As a white person myself, I can tell you that we generally don't play "The long game" well. She was probably just looking for some poor sap to put the seed to ground and the act of taming and breaking a wild stallion was just an added bonus. If she were Chinese then you may have had cause to worry. She would already have investments for your retirement and probably a new man all ready to take your place upon your death. If you lived longer than expectation you may need to invest in a food taster as appointments are meant to be kept. That's a patient culture that will wait generations to inflict maximum pain on an enemy. Being white she will probably just divorce you for not changing enough. Instead of "change" she will say something like "evolve" and you will know it's over. Paying child support until your 65 will be speshul. Congrats man!Swaye said:
Yes, and bury me outside on a scaffold she builds herself and ties together with her own hair. The only downer is she is also supposed to cover me in blankets, which will delight many assholes here.GrundleStiltzkin said:So she’s younger, you’re older and Indian. When you chinevitably die sooner, will she be required to cut off a finger in mourning, as is the custom with your people?
The shitty reality is since I am 15 years older than her, and dudes already live shorter lives, and my years have been "hard living" years, she will probably bury me in her mid-50s and then use all my Orkin savings on the next asshole. Her devious white devil plan all along? -
I just realized that when @BleachedAnusDawg does a vote up, the arrow points right to the poop shoot.
I laffed. -
May your first child, be a masculine child.
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Yeah, this shit really does happen for you young bucks. This isn't a made-up story. Shit really goes down.dnc said:
So freaking true.Gladstone said:
Facebook is the reason the world is a miserable nightmare for everyone.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet.
Story tim. Wifey and I just went on a vacation just the two of us. Left our kids with wifey's mom. My mom got jealous. Her mom posted some picks the first day of the kids having fun at her place. My mom defriended her.
We got back home, my wife starts looking at stuff we were tagged in, thinks it's real suspicious my mom hasn't commented on any of the pics of her grandkids, goes and looks and sure enough she's no longer FB frens with wifeys mom. Wifey messages my mom and says "I noticed you're not frens with my mom on FB anymore". My mom plays dumb. A few more messages are exchanged. Finally my mom admits the real reason:
"I didn't want to see pictures of them having fun everyday".
Women and access to other's women's lives is a nasty combination.
Social media + girls and women will be the downfall of society. -
Mrs Piss has probably fired a good half dozen frens due to social media.creepycoug said:
Yeah, this shit really does happen for you young bucks. This isn't a made-up story. Shit really goes down.dnc said:
So freaking true.Gladstone said:
Facebook is the reason the world is a miserable nightmare for everyone.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet.
Story tim. Wifey and I just went on a vacation just the two of us. Left our kids with wifey's mom. My mom got jealous. Her mom posted some picks the first day of the kids having fun at her place. My mom defriended her.
We got back home, my wife starts looking at stuff we were tagged in, thinks it's real suspicious my mom hasn't commented on any of the pics of her grandkids, goes and looks and sure enough she's no longer FB frens with wifeys mom. Wifey messages my mom and says "I noticed you're not frens with my mom on FB anymore". My mom plays dumb. A few more messages are exchanged. Finally my mom admits the real reason:
"I didn't want to see pictures of them having fun everyday".
Women and access to other's women's lives is a nasty combination.
Social media + girls and women will be the downfall of society. -
Who would have thought that the end of my life would have generated 9 pages of hilarity at my expense?
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You are the Yin to my Yang.
You are a red man marrying a white woman about to have a pink kid.
I am a white man who married a red woman and have two pink kids.
Welcome to the club brother!
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My hero is dead. Spirit Horse weeps.
That is all. -
What’s your address?Swaye said:Who would have thought that the end of my life would have generated 9 pages of hilarity at my expense?
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Is this the time we rub our dicks together and declare ourselves brothers? Or is that something else?theknowledge said:You are the Yin to my Yang.
You are a red man marrying a white woman about to have a pink kid.
I am a white man who married a red woman and have two pink kids.
Welcome to the club brother! -
Footage of Swaye and his future wife after the first year of marriage.
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Nope. Thats it. It's in the White-Red/Red-White bylaws that I just wrote. We meet somewhere disgusting in the middle of the cuntry, say, Oklahomo City, OK or Fargay, ND. We wear tokens to represent our marriage partners. I, a cape made from a Navajo rug and you, a belt of silver spoons, nothing else. Then we do the deed. Bam! Brothers. Simple really.Swaye said:
Is this the time we rub our dicks together and declare ourselves brothers? Or is that something else?theknowledge said:You are the Yin to my Yang.
You are a red man marrying a white woman about to have a pink kid.
I am a white man who married a red woman and have two pink kids.
Welcome to the club brother! -
theknowledge said:
Nope. Thats it. It's in the White-Red/Red-White bylaws that I just wrote. We meet somewhere disgusting in the middle of the cuntry, say, Oklahomo City, OK or Fargay, ND. We wear tokens to represent our marriage partners. I, a cape made from a Navajo rug and you, a belt of silver spoons, nothing else. Then we do the deed. Bam! Brothers. Simple really.Swaye said:
Is this the time we rub our dicks together and declare ourselves brothers? Or is that something else?theknowledge said:You are the Yin to my Yang.
You are a red man marrying a white woman about to have a pink kid.
I am a white man who married a red woman and have two pink kids.
Welcome to the club brother!
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I haven't posted so much on a thread in my life. You should get married every year so we can make fun at your expense annually. I can't stop laughing. One because you are so fucked but also because the degenerates on this board have really brought their A game to this party. No AIDS, just good fun and some really well thought out posts. Kudos to everyone.
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Yeah, this post is probably top 10 for level of posting skill in this joints history. Classics bound for sure. Good job everyone. Now who wants to kick me in the dick?theknowledge said:I haven't posted so much on a thread in my life. You should get married every year so we can make fun at your expense annually. I can't stop laughing. One because you are so fucked but also because the degenerates on this board have really brought their A game to this party. No AIDS, just good fun and some really well thought out posts. Kudos to everyone.
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Swaye said:
Yeah, this post is probably top 10 for level of posting skill in this joints history. Classics bound for sure. Good job everyone. Now who wants to kick me in the dick?theknowledge said:I haven't posted so much on a thread in my life. You should get married every year so we can make fun at your expense annually. I can't stop laughing. One because you are so fucked but also because the degenerates on this board have really brought their A game to this party. No AIDS, just good fun and some really well thought out posts. Kudos to everyone.
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This may be the funniest line I have ever read here. Criminally underchinned at 17!1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet. -
I have a little pedo stache going on right now. Too lazy to shave hth
