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Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)

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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    BleachedAnusDawg said:

    It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.

    Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.

    What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?

    Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber?

    You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.
    @backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.


    This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.
    CSB Tim.
    The first burning man I attended my best friend who is hispanic and looks like a younger skinnier benicio del torro(or at least he used to) dressed up as those two.



    I make a pretty damn good Gonzo as well(or used to).



    My red car partially broke down along the way and we had to drive the thing under 55 the whole way out there with the windows down. Got pulled over twice while looking like this and were unsurprisingly, completely fucked with by LE. Luckily, we weren't bringing fish to the ocean.



    Got to the Burn super late opening night, could not find our camp, and drove our car right up to the man(big no no ever since that guy tried to burn it down early).



    So here we are, dressed like Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo walking around like glazed over idiots with a partially broken down car, parked at the feet of the man. For the better part of an hour no one bothered us because they assumed we were some kind of performance art or some other ridiculous show because of how on point our costumes were and we had just rolled with playing it out as these characters bc why not. Finally, the rangers approached us looking somewhat confused and a bit impressed to tell us unless we had a permit we would need to move the car. We dutifully comply and decide, fuck it, what do we need camp for anyways? we aren't going to bed so we park the car in some alley.



    No shit, we end up finding the "bat country" bar and walk into a room of 30 other Dukes and Gonzos. All of them also in character. I can tell you that the only thing that made this not such a massive mind-fuck was the fact that 1)I was at burning man so who the fuck knows what's normal and 2) I was so intoxicated and in character at this point there were no fucks given to anything. The various Dukes and Gonzo's provide us with all the fish we can eat and all the booze we can drink. Then we decide that it is a good idea to walk out to the trash fence(the boundary of the festival which is almost a mile out into the nothing of the black rock desert) while all fucked up so that we can look at all the stars. We were somewhere around Blackrock, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.



    It takes us so long to get out there and we have nothing to eat or drink except our booze and these chocolates given to us at Bat Country. A real prisoners dilemma of I'm hungry and thirsty but should I really eat or drink any more of this? So by the time we make it out to this stupid orange fence in the middle of nowhere it's already starting to be sunrise. It then begins to dawn on us we will be a mile out in this space moon desert, already dehydrated, with no water, in rapidly rising heat, with only a vague recollection of where we parked the car to head to anyways. That's when the fear began to take hold. My friend starts freaking out and talking about how we are going to die in the desert. Like really panicking with hyperventilation and everything. I'm trying to keep my shit together and not lose it too while at the same time attempting to calm him down when we start to hear it, this thumping from waaaayyyy out in the emptiness. It totally takes our focus and we are just sitting there staring as a giant angler fish comes rolling out of the dust.



    "Hey! Do you guys need a ride?"

    "Fuck Yeeeeessss God pleeeeeeasssee." We start to dance like idiots.

    "Well you should have thought of that before you came all the way out here with no water you fucking idiots." as the car drives past us.

    We are totally stunned and still as statues staring at the fish and then eachother. "Oh fuck, we really are fucked aren't we?" is all I can think.

    The car stops about 50ft past us. "Well come on you wankers, we aren't going to let you die out here!"

    We run to the car as fast as we can and climb up the stairs from the back of the fish. I hit the floor laughing like a hyena. Everyone wants to know, "What's so funny?"

    "We've......*gasp*....just been saved......*gasp*....by a fish's asshole!"


    This really could have been it's own thread.
    I have much better stories from burn involving topics this forum appreciates a lot more that I will save for a thread of it's own. This just happened to be relevant to what came up and once I started I figured I might as well make it a decent story tim. Consider it a tribute and a eulogy for your funeral thread.
    Someone has to carry the torch since my stories will now be about couch fabric selections and nursing bras.
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  • creepycoug
    creepycoug Member Posts: 24,069
    backthepack said:

    dnc said:

    backthepack said:

    In 2038 I better see your being recruited by UW or you failed as a father.

    I mean he raised you so we don't really have to wait 19 years to solve that mystery.
    Well my genetics fucking suck. I could have played basketball at a couple d3 schools tho
    Not likely would be my guess.
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  • YellowSnow
    YellowSnow Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 37,324 Founders Club
    creepycoug said:

    backthepack said:

    dnc said:

    backthepack said:

    In 2038 I better see your being recruited by UW or you failed as a father.

    I mean he raised you so we don't really have to wait 19 years to solve that mystery.
    Well my genetics fucking suck. I could have played basketball at a couple d3 schools tho
    Not likely would be my guess.
    Oh shnap! Man - you're a dick sometimes.
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  • backthepack
    backthepack Member Posts: 19,937
    creepycoug said:

    backthepack said:

    dnc said:

    backthepack said:

    In 2038 I better see your being recruited by UW or you failed as a father.

    I mean he raised you so we don't really have to wait 19 years to solve that mystery.
    Well my genetics fucking suck. I could have played basketball at a couple d3 schools tho
    Not likely would be my guess.
    I had offers from some small schools...
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  • pawz
    pawz Member, Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 22,478 Founders Club
    DoogCourics said:

    Houhusky said:

    I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.

    As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.

    Makes me look not too bad in comparison.

    Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house

    Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme

    Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.

    Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.

    Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.

    Far easier.





    I constantly share with Mrs. Courics shit from this site. It reinforces the idea that my slow strategy white lifestyle is the perfect match for stable and secure for a long term life.

    Meanwhile I get my fix of living life dangerously by proxy of you degenerate fucks.

    And enough Chins cannot be given for the reality trash tv recommendation to paint yourself in the light of the old gods.

    As a 30 year old Mrs. Courics is still interested in MTV. But those reality shows are full of guys lying straight to every girl’s face just to fuck them and move on. But it’s on camera and we as viewers get to see every moment. I look like the greatest man who ever lived compared to these fucks.

    But TLC, every reality show on that channel is full of complete fucking retards. 90 Day Fiancé, Love After Lockup, etc keep her entertained with a glass of wine and make me look like Einstein.

    All told a slow strategy faithful beta husband who watches too much sports, drinks too much whiskey, and stalks teen bois looks like the greatest decision of her life.
    fixed.
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  • BennyBeaver
    BennyBeaver Member Posts: 13,346
    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    BleachedAnusDawg said:

    It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.

    Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.

    What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?

    Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber?

    You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.
    @backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.


    This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.
    CSB Tim.
    The first burning man I attended my best friend who is hispanic and looks like a younger skinnier benicio del torro(or at least he used to) dressed up as those two.



    I make a pretty damn good Gonzo as well(or used to).



    My red car partially broke down along the way and we had to drive the thing under 55 the whole way out there with the windows down. Got pulled over twice while looking like this and were unsurprisingly, completely fucked with by LE. Luckily, we weren't bringing fish to the ocean.



    Got to the Burn super late opening night, could not find our camp, and drove our car right up to the man(big no no ever since that guy tried to burn it down early).



    So here we are, dressed like Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo walking around like glazed over idiots with a partially broken down car, parked at the feet of the man. For the better part of an hour no one bothered us because they assumed we were some kind of performance art or some other ridiculous show because of how on point our costumes were and we had just rolled with playing it out as these characters bc why not. Finally, the rangers approached us looking somewhat confused and a bit impressed to tell us unless we had a permit we would need to move the car. We dutifully comply and decide, fuck it, what do we need camp for anyways? we aren't going to bed so we park the car in some alley.



    No shit, we end up finding the "bat country" bar and walk into a room of 30 other Dukes and Gonzos. All of them also in character. I can tell you that the only thing that made this not such a massive mind-fuck was the fact that 1)I was at burning man so who the fuck knows what's normal and 2) I was so intoxicated and in character at this point there were no fucks given to anything. The various Dukes and Gonzo's provide us with all the fish we can eat and all the booze we can drink. Then we decide that it is a good idea to walk out to the trash fence(the boundary of the festival which is almost a mile out into the nothing of the black rock desert) while all fucked up so that we can look at all the stars. We were somewhere around Blackrock, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.



    It takes us so long to get out there and we have nothing to eat or drink except our booze and these chocolates given to us at Bat Country. A real prisoners dilemma of I'm hungry and thirsty but should I really eat or drink any more of this? So by the time we make it out to this stupid orange fence in the middle of nowhere it's already starting to be sunrise. It then begins to dawn on us we will be a mile out in this space moon desert, already dehydrated, with no water, in rapidly rising heat, with only a vague recollection of where we parked the car to head to anyways. That's when the fear began to take hold. My friend starts freaking out and talking about how we are going to die in the desert. Like really panicking with hyperventilation and everything. I'm trying to keep my shit together and not lose it too while at the same time attempting to calm him down when we start to hear it, this thumping from waaaayyyy out in the emptiness. It totally takes our focus and we are just sitting there staring as a giant angler fish comes rolling out of the dust.



    "Hey! Do you guys need a ride?"

    "Fuck Yeeeeessss God pleeeeeeasssee." We start to dance like idiots.

    "Well you should have thought of that before you came all the way out here with no water you fucking idiots." as the car drives past us.

    We are totally stunned and still as statues staring at the fish and then eachother. "Oh fuck, we really are fucked aren't we?" is all I can think.

    The car stops about 50ft past us. "Well come on you wankers, we aren't going to let you die out here!"

    We run to the car as fast as we can and climb up the stairs from the back of the fish. I hit the floor laughing like a hyena. Everyone wants to know, "What's so funny?"

    "We've......*gasp*....just been saved......*gasp*....by a fish's asshole!"


    This really could have been it's own thread.
    I have much better stories from burn involving topics this forum appreciates a lot more that I will save for a thread of it's own. This just happened to be relevant to what came up and once I started I figured I might as well make it a decent story tim. Consider it a tribute and a eulogy for your funeral thread.
    Someone has to carry the torch since my stories will now be about couch fabric selections and nursing bras.
    Breast milk aint bad.
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  • dnc
    dnc Member Posts: 56,840
    BennyBeaver said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    UW_Doog_Bot said:

    Swaye said:

    BleachedAnusDawg said:

    It took seeing three different references to @Swaye getting married and having a kid for me to click on this announcement. I never pay attention to the announcement threads, and now I am shaking and about to vomit.

    Best white man name for Swaye would be Jake. Can't get enough of Jake hawt talk on this board.

    What I want to know is if you're upgrading to a two-room teepee with the little one on the way, or maybe even springing for one of those long halls like they have at Tillicum Village?

    Can we assume the dinner menu for the wedding reception consists of various corn dishes, smoked salmon, and whale blubber?

    You are thinking of PNW Injuns. For our appetizer we are serving roasted grubs, followed by corn, and then buffalo (wings). Open bar stocked only with firewater, and snakes and sparklers for the kiddies. Mescaline doled out in the trailer behind the bowling alley.
    @backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.


    This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.
    CSB Tim.
    The first burning man I attended my best friend who is hispanic and looks like a younger skinnier benicio del torro(or at least he used to) dressed up as those two.



    I make a pretty damn good Gonzo as well(or used to).



    My red car partially broke down along the way and we had to drive the thing under 55 the whole way out there with the windows down. Got pulled over twice while looking like this and were unsurprisingly, completely fucked with by LE. Luckily, we weren't bringing fish to the ocean.



    Got to the Burn super late opening night, could not find our camp, and drove our car right up to the man(big no no ever since that guy tried to burn it down early).



    So here we are, dressed like Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo walking around like glazed over idiots with a partially broken down car, parked at the feet of the man. For the better part of an hour no one bothered us because they assumed we were some kind of performance art or some other ridiculous show because of how on point our costumes were and we had just rolled with playing it out as these characters bc why not. Finally, the rangers approached us looking somewhat confused and a bit impressed to tell us unless we had a permit we would need to move the car. We dutifully comply and decide, fuck it, what do we need camp for anyways? we aren't going to bed so we park the car in some alley.



    No shit, we end up finding the "bat country" bar and walk into a room of 30 other Dukes and Gonzos. All of them also in character. I can tell you that the only thing that made this not such a massive mind-fuck was the fact that 1)I was at burning man so who the fuck knows what's normal and 2) I was so intoxicated and in character at this point there were no fucks given to anything. The various Dukes and Gonzo's provide us with all the fish we can eat and all the booze we can drink. Then we decide that it is a good idea to walk out to the trash fence(the boundary of the festival which is almost a mile out into the nothing of the black rock desert) while all fucked up so that we can look at all the stars. We were somewhere around Blackrock, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.



    It takes us so long to get out there and we have nothing to eat or drink except our booze and these chocolates given to us at Bat Country. A real prisoners dilemma of I'm hungry and thirsty but should I really eat or drink any more of this? So by the time we make it out to this stupid orange fence in the middle of nowhere it's already starting to be sunrise. It then begins to dawn on us we will be a mile out in this space moon desert, already dehydrated, with no water, in rapidly rising heat, with only a vague recollection of where we parked the car to head to anyways. That's when the fear began to take hold. My friend starts freaking out and talking about how we are going to die in the desert. Like really panicking with hyperventilation and everything. I'm trying to keep my shit together and not lose it too while at the same time attempting to calm him down when we start to hear it, this thumping from waaaayyyy out in the emptiness. It totally takes our focus and we are just sitting there staring as a giant angler fish comes rolling out of the dust.



    "Hey! Do you guys need a ride?"

    "Fuck Yeeeeessss God pleeeeeeasssee." We start to dance like idiots.

    "Well you should have thought of that before you came all the way out here with no water you fucking idiots." as the car drives past us.

    We are totally stunned and still as statues staring at the fish and then eachother. "Oh fuck, we really are fucked aren't we?" is all I can think.

    The car stops about 50ft past us. "Well come on you wankers, we aren't going to let you die out here!"

    We run to the car as fast as we can and climb up the stairs from the back of the fish. I hit the floor laughing like a hyena. Everyone wants to know, "What's so funny?"

    "We've......*gasp*....just been saved......*gasp*....by a fish's asshole!"


    This really could have been it's own thread.
    I have much better stories from burn involving topics this forum appreciates a lot more that I will save for a thread of it's own. This just happened to be relevant to what came up and once I started I figured I might as well make it a decent story tim. Consider it a tribute and a eulogy for your funeral thread.
    Someone has to carry the torch since my stories will now be about couch fabric selections and nursing bras.
    Breast milk aint bad.
    Breakfast of champions
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  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    In the same bar I've been in since hanging out after work with the huge boobs accountant. Time to move
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  • PurpleThrobber
    PurpleThrobber Member Posts: 48,128 Standard Supporter
    Pitchfork51 said:

    In the same bar I've been in since hanging out after work with the huge boobs accountant. Time to move

    Cmon now. YKW.
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  • dnc
    dnc Member Posts: 56,840
    Me reading this thread





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  • GrundleStiltzkin
    GrundleStiltzkin Member Posts: 61,516 Standard Supporter
    edited June 2019
    dnc said:

    Me reading this thread














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  • dnc
    dnc Member Posts: 56,840
    Holy shit how has this not been bumped.

    So much gold in this thread.

    Reread the whole thing, stat.
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  • dnc
    dnc Member Posts: 56,840
    EsophagealFeces said:

    I somehow missed this thread. I literally in tears. Best. Shit. Ever.

    And that was before we had footage of the proposal

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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    This is without a doubt one of the funniest threads in HH history.
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  • TurdBomber
    TurdBomber Member Posts: 20,041 Standard Supporter
    edited April 2021
    dnc said:

    EsophagealFeces said:

    I somehow missed this thread. I literally in tears. Best. Shit. Ever.

    And that was before we had footage of the proposal

    But, but, but, wasn't the lady cop supposed to strip, too?

    What a gyp.
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  • Doog_de_Jour
    Doog_de_Jour Member Posts: 8,041 Standard Supporter
    dnc said:

    EsophagealFeces said:

    I somehow missed this thread. I literally in tears. Best. Shit. Ever.

    And that was before we had footage of the proposal

    What.the.actual.fuck.



    This has to be staged.
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  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    Lol I finally got a shout out
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  • whlinder
    whlinder Member Posts: 5,275
    whlinder said:

    backthepack said:

    whlinder said:

    Those are Swaye’s people now.

    And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind

    Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.
    I already listed the possible country clubs and made my call: Bull Run country club.

    RTJ: think too exclusive. If Swaye is marrying into RTJ money then seriously the Indian life is the life to live
    Dominion Valley has their clubhouse burn down and don’t think they’re rebuilt and able to handle weddings yet.
    Stonewall is public so not nice enough
    Heritage Hunt is full of old people and not really a wedding facility.
    I don't think I ever asked if I got this right.
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  • pawz
    pawz Member, Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 22,478 Founders Club
    whlinder said:

    whlinder said:

    backthepack said:

    whlinder said:

    Those are Swaye’s people now.

    And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind

    Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.
    I already listed the possible country clubs and made my call: Bull Run country club.

    RTJ: think too exclusive. If Swaye is marrying into RTJ money then seriously the Indian life is the life to live
    Dominion Valley has their clubhouse burn down and don’t think they’re rebuilt and able to handle weddings yet.
    Stonewall is public so not nice enough
    Heritage Hunt is full of old people and not really a wedding facility.
    I don't think I ever asked if I got this right.
    @Swaye

    ANSWER THE QUESTION !!
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    whlinder said:

    whlinder said:

    backthepack said:

    whlinder said:

    Those are Swaye’s people now.

    And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind

    Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.
    I already listed the possible country clubs and made my call: Bull Run country club.

    RTJ: think too exclusive. If Swaye is marrying into RTJ money then seriously the Indian life is the life to live
    Dominion Valley has their clubhouse burn down and don’t think they’re rebuilt and able to handle weddings yet.
    Stonewall is public so not nice enough
    Heritage Hunt is full of old people and not really a wedding facility.
    I don't think I ever asked if I got this right.
    River Bend. Good guesses.
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  • whlinder
    whlinder Member Posts: 5,275
    Swaye said:

    whlinder said:

    whlinder said:

    backthepack said:

    whlinder said:

    Those are Swaye’s people now.

    And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind

    Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.
    I already listed the possible country clubs and made my call: Bull Run country club.

    RTJ: think too exclusive. If Swaye is marrying into RTJ money then seriously the Indian life is the life to live
    Dominion Valley has their clubhouse burn down and don’t think they’re rebuilt and able to handle weddings yet.
    Stonewall is public so not nice enough
    Heritage Hunt is full of old people and not really a wedding facility.
    I don't think I ever asked if I got this right.
    River Bend. Good guesses.
    Fuck I did not anticipate the ceremony in Fairfax or Loudoun...
    That's some high-end marrying you did. River Bend is the tits.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    whlinder said:

    Swaye said:

    whlinder said:

    whlinder said:

    backthepack said:

    whlinder said:

    Those are Swaye’s people now.

    And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind

    Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.
    I already listed the possible country clubs and made my call: Bull Run country club.

    RTJ: think too exclusive. If Swaye is marrying into RTJ money then seriously the Indian life is the life to live
    Dominion Valley has their clubhouse burn down and don’t think they’re rebuilt and able to handle weddings yet.
    Stonewall is public so not nice enough
    Heritage Hunt is full of old people and not really a wedding facility.
    I don't think I ever asked if I got this right.
    River Bend. Good guesses.
    Fuck I did not anticipate the ceremony in Fairfax or Loudoun...
    That's some high-end marrying you did. River Bend is the tits.
    Yes, I did some of my best work here.
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