Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)
Comments
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Not injun enuffwhlinder said: -
Cans too smallwhlinder said: -
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Imagine going around saying "Yatahey, my name is Patrick" and trying to pass on a Resbackthepack said:
Not injun enuffwhlinder said: -
Not any of them, none are tonto or dances with wolves.
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This only further cements that I’m never getting married. Fuck that.
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Those are Swaye’s people now.
And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind -
Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.whlinder said:Those are Swaye’s people now.
And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind
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I already listed the possible country clubs and made my call: Bull Run country club.backthepack said:
Find the actual wedding thanks and pull up wedding crashers style.whlinder said:Those are Swaye’s people now.
And if Mrs Swaye has a wedding website then the competitive momming on FB isn’t far behind
RTJ: think too exclusive. If Swaye is marrying into RTJ money then seriously the Indian life is the life to live
Dominion Valley has their clubhouse burn down and don’t think they’re rebuilt and able to handle weddings yet.
Stonewall is public so not nice enough
Heritage Hunt is full of old people and not really a wedding facility.
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I’m going to be in DC the 9th through 18th lol
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guarantee I will not give any marriage advice - I am on number 3- that is all I have to say about that one. If it doesn't work out after she catches you playing the weekly pick game and being obscene as all get out, then I can help.
I have 2 daughters and 2 sons - the kids are great, I showed them a bad example and they turned out good. So you should be good in the parenting field.
Enjoy the trip you crazy ass injun. From an honorary member of the Makah nation, Squattopee
edit: I wore my chincredible finger out on this thread - it delivers -
Houhusky said:
I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.
As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.
Makes me look not too bad in comparison.
Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house
Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme
Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.
Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.
Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.
Far easier.
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Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
Classics belongs.
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It's been a long day and I'm not sure if I've been able to read every single post in this thread. But, in case it hasn't been said already...
It's said to see how far Swaye has fallen. -
Classics Board. Immediately. Fucking Bullseye.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet. -
Swaye said:
Pretty sure we had a fight six months ago and this was the exact quote:backthepack said:Fuck marriage sounds horrible.
Really looking forward to the next 30 years together. She will probably shoot me.Houhusky said:I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.
As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.
Makes me look not too bad in comparison.
Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house
Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme
Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.
Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.
Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.
Far easier.
Not even Such Fag, J? Beg to differ.PurpleBaze said:
Wiser words have never been spoken on this bored.Houhusky said:I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.
As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.
Makes me look not too bad in comparison.
Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house
Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme
Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.
Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.
Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.
Far easier. -
That thread is the reason I quit lurking and joined the bored. Fuck, I guess it’s time PM @IrishDawg22.Swaye said:
So, football, me and CLS have a rather rocky history. I direct you to this thread from 18 months ago...Fenderbender123 said:
So in other words, you'll be hiding the Hardcore Husky part of your identity from your wife? I've seen a lot of romantic comedies, so I know how this is gonna play out.Swaye said:Already been PMed and NO, none of you are invited to the wedding. Jesus. As if shit wasn't bad enough, imagine my new in-laws joy at getting to meet @CuntWaffle , @PurpleThrobber and @Rapeculturedawg .
https://hardcorehusky.com/discussion/44133/apple-cup-adventure-aka-fuck-thanksgiving-my-life-sucks/p1
I think, after that debacle, it is probably best to keep the football and gambling side of my life private, unless I am stupid and like the idea of alimony. Hard to pay up on 12 bucks per hour at Orkin. This event from the past is one of the ones we disagree on whether or not it was really "cheating." I contend it was just accidental tit sucking while completely obliterated. She sees it differently. All the times I fucked sink girl we were officially broken up, so I am in the clear there. Good to go. I do not however think CLS wants to go to any major football games with me anytime soon. -
I thought you were the one, but I see my ham handed fixation on you, and climbing through your bedroom window, made ours a forbidden love. Thanks for this late stage forgiveness, and I truly look forward to my fondue set.Doog_de_Jour said:
Oh my goodness! I’m so excited for you!!! My attorney will be crushed as all the billable hours he’s charged me for filing *multiple* restraining orders against you have put two of kids through private school...but FTG.Swaye said:
Do not find out the sex for like 8 more weeks, but if God has any kind of a sense of humor it will be a girl. I'll reach out to @Doog_de_Jour to find out how to make her a DWAG fan for life. If she will just drop the restraining order. Wedding present maybe?backthepack said:Little Swaye better be a half-brain if you raised him wrong
Anyway I’m rushing out to buy those Mr. and Mrs. fondue sets on your Bed Bath and Beyond wedding registry now...
Yours lovingly,
Big (lie) Red
XOXOXOXOXOXXO -
Jesus I am begging one of you to kill me if I ever do anything this gay.whlinder said: -
Dude looks like a cross between me and Baze. Too terroristy.whlinder said: -
Yeah, the shit people have laid down in this thread is hysterical. Certainly an all timer. Not moving it yet though because there might be more Facebook funsies or wedding advice nuggets I cannot live without.TurdBomber said:
Classics Board. Immediately. Fucking Bullseye.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet.
Also, FRANNY! -
Thanks dude. Shit man, I'm not going anywhere. I told her straight up, I'll give up the drugs and hookers, and tone down the alcoholism for you, but never come between a man and his Jeep, deer hunting, and football addiction. Made her sign a contract. Those three things were all that was there. Her contract for me (think they call it a prenup?) was 12 pages long and required witnesses and a lawyer (you really fucked me there @creepycoug ). I did mine on a napkin and had Clem at the bar notarize it.guntlove said:Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
Ladies love me and the girls adore me.Swaye said:
Thanks for keeping the secret lo these many moons. And yes, I have noticed she is super horned up right now (newly preggers?), but figure after the honeymoon is the end of my sexual life. Lucky for me I have put onYellowSnow said:Hope yer good at NTD, BB. Cause that's gonna be it for a while chief.
1520 pounds in the 2 years we've been together. Since it's all over i may just say fuck it and throw on about 100 more and go for the Fetters physique. -
Holy shit. I thought only my ex-wife/kid's mom did this.1to392831weretaken said:
I call it "competitive momming." Live in Yuppyville like me, and it's even worse. You're made to feel guilty for not putting your kids in expensive private schools or after-school programs, not getting them the best things, not sacrificing as much as the other mom. I'm so sick of watching my friends' wives climb up on their crosses and then complain about it.dnc said:
This is highly accurate. Also the driver of a ton of unneccessary expenses. Like I said before I lucked out and married a minimalist but if CLS isn’t one, keep her off social media and especially Pinterest.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet. -
Congratulations to @Doogles for the upcoming additions to his watch collection!Swaye said:
Thanks dude. Shit man, I'm not going anywhere. I told her straight up, I'll give up the drugs and hookers, and tone down the alcoholism for you, but never come between a man and his Jeep, deer hunting, and football addiction. Made her sign a contract. Those three things were all that was there. Her contract for me (think they call it a prenup?) was 12 pages long and required witnesses and a lawyer (you really fucked me there @creepycoug ). I did mine on a napkin and had Clem at the bar notarize it.guntlove said:Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
Yeah, that was a pretty glaring oversight. I am sure I will lose those in the chinevitable divorce. Maybe I should just sell to Doogles now and bury the money in the back yard.dnc said:
Congratulations to @Doogles for the upcoming additions to his watch collection!Swaye said:
Thanks dude. Shit man, I'm not going anywhere. I told her straight up, I'll give up the drugs and hookers, and tone down the alcoholism for you, but never come between a man and his Jeep, deer hunting, and football addiction. Made her sign a contract. Those three things were all that was there. Her contract for me (think they call it a prenup?) was 12 pages long and required witnesses and a lawyer (you really fucked me there @creepycoug ). I did mine on a napkin and had Clem at the bar notarize it.guntlove said:Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
My takeaway is that if I find out swayes real name is Patrick....I'm gone.
No warning. Just gone -
#DressyCasualPitchfork51 said:My takeaway is that if I find out swayes real name is Patrick....I'm gone.
No warning. Just gone