We have lost contact with our storm chasing reporter @YellowSnow
but recent on scene reports from an illegally owned police scanner indicate he has chained himself to the Slurpee machine and has taken the Slim Jims hostage as the great blizzard of 2019 rages throughout King County. PTSD, arising from an event several years ago when Yella tried to play rowboat on a frozen river and fell in is being blamed.
In a bit of journalistic teamwork, the Woodinville Weekly has dispatched it's intrepid hero @DerekJohnson
to the scene to try to talk him down and save what's left of the Twinkie and Beef Jerky aisle. Help is on it's way.
Help is no longer on its way.
The good news is Derek is fine. A group of ANTIFA protestors led by @RaceBannon
who were out to demand that the snow pay 70% of the cleanup costs were not so lucky.
If anyone can make it to the Aurora 7-11 and save Yella it would mean a great deal to freakishly tall people all over the world. I'd do it myself, but I have better things to do.
Derek will not give up and our latest reports have him still making his way to the 7-11 in a valiant attempt to sacrifice his own toes for the good of the Ding Dongs.