Welcome to the Hardcore Husky Forums. Folks who are well-known in Cyberland and not that dumb.

Story tim with Swaye....

2456789

Comments

  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    PurpleJ said:

    I visited a wise shaman many moons ago at the Great Woof Lodge and he told me:

    “Claps Like Seal will bear the fruit of Chief Powdernose’s seed on the day that the earth trembles with brown lava.”

    I now understand the meaning of this great prophecy. He was very wise. He let me bum some smokes and take pulls from his bottle.

    YBFE
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • GrundleStiltzkin
    GrundleStiltzkin Member Posts: 61,516 Standard Supporter
    Also, the road side shitmaggedan prepares you, to a degree, for your first diaper blowout.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    None of this sounds cute or endearing to me. Just awful lol
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • UW_Doog_Bot
    UW_Doog_Bot Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 18,206 Founders Club
    1to392831weretaken said:

    What has me laughing is that probably 81% of us were reading this while on the shitter. I know I was!

    Congratulations on the end of what you want mattering! It's worth it, though.

    Confirmed.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • pawz
    pawz Member, Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 22,481 Founders Club
    PurpleJ said:

    I visited a wise shaman many moons ago at the Great Woof Lodge and he told me:

    “Claps Like Seal will bear the fruit of Chief Powdernose’s seed on the day that the earth trembles with brown lava.”

    I now understand the meaning of this great prophecy. He was very wise. He let me bum some smokes and take pulls from his bottle.

    YVBFE,Evar
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • minion_doog
    minion_doog Member Posts: 2,024
    Seems like the same type of puffy ginage, have the nipple expert check your asshole. Maybe throw some roids at your roids
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • minion_doog
    minion_doog Member Posts: 2,024
    Missed opportunity to name your Christmas baby Merry


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BleachedAnusDawg
    BleachedAnusDawg Member Posts: 13,323 Standard Supporter
    Swaye said:

    For those wondering, my asshole has finally stopped belching hot fire. Pretty sure it will never be the same though. In an interesting corollary to my ass issues, little FRANNY torched off her first round and it can only be described as some weird tar like substance. I was pretty sure she was actually a demon spawn until the nurse told me that's normal for a little while. Damn. I was hoping I created a minion of otherwordly evil sent here to enslave the white race. Dreams die hard.

    That shit (ba-dum) is a pain to wipe up. Pro tip - after cleaning her up put some Vaseline on the kid's butt area. Makes wiping the tar off much easier on the next go 'round. Wish the nurses would've told me that sooner.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ThomasFremont
    ThomasFremont Member Posts: 13,325
    89ute said:

    Swaye said:

    So, filing this under the weird things I have learned in the last 24 hours...

    Did you know breastfeeding is not as straightforward as you would think? I always assumed it was pretty much pull out titty and stick little human on it. Done. Not so fast. It appears sometimes the little cherubs don't latch right, or the nipple is unique and requires special techniques or some shit. Whatever the case, I was greeted this morning by a "Breastfeeding Consultant" who showed up to help CLS attain perfect latch. I am not making this up. There is actually a job where the sole purpose is to achieve better tit sucking. If Orkin doesn't work out I am pretty sure I have found my follow on career.


    Wait until you get home and real life begins. It's a constant, frightening anxiety-filled existence you're about to enter. The first thought being why in the hell did the hospital allow us to take this thing home knowing we don't have a fucking clue on how to do this.

    Sleep: don't even think about it for at least a year. You now have this live human thing in your house that has no concept or respect for what you have comfortably known as your routine. You know, wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, go to sleep. That's gone now. This new human thing is on it's own, random schedule. Schedule is a bad word, it's chaos, disarray and disorderliness. Things like day, night, sleep and eat are all mixed around. It will be a good 8 months before you and CLS will watch a movie without multiple interruptions, some lasting hours long.

    In about a month you will begin to take this new thing out with you to visit people, shop, eat dinner, things you used to do. Oh, and it will be many years before these things go back to how you used to do them. Just getting out of the house is nothing short of a doomsday prep. The days of just spontaneously hopping in the car to go do X or Y or X,Y and Z are gone. The prep alone will soon suck the life out of you. And when you do decide to brave the rugged outdoors, be prepared to change a diaper out of your element. That neat little changing station you have all set up in your house with everything right where you need it is not there at the Costco bathroom. It's fucking rough. Oh, there's always the car, that's rough too, but this is where you're going to be doing practically all of your away from home diaper changes. Prepare accordingly.

    The first 12 years with your daughter will be some of if not thee best years of your life. Know this and enjoy this. What comes next sucks. Given your age, you might be dead when this hits. This would be the best outcome for you. The fun, loving, beautiful little daughter you have enjoyed for more than a decade will completely shut herself off to you and probably CLS too. You will be dead to her, except for when she wants to fight. You will first think it's just a phase and everything will be back to normal in a few days or god forbid, a few weeks. No, it's about 5 to 6 years. She'll come back to you a little bit after this is over, but it's nowhere near where it was during years 0-12. Those years are special, like I said, best ever. But she will act like she has forgotten all about them like they never happened.

    You can hope for a different outcome. I have heard of these but I think they are like unicorns and undefeated seasons.
    FUCK!

    Now I’m depressed...I’d smoke some weed to chill my anxieties about my children hating my guts in the future, but then Mrs Fremont will rip my ass about being an irresponsible parent.

    Maybe if I take a jazz gummy now it will mellow out around bedtime...
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter