Story tim with Swaye....
Comments
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No one cares about other people's kids.
You don't care about other people's kids. Why would you think others care about yours? -
@GDS Pedophile cares a lot about other peoples kids. Way too much.Pitchfork51 said:No one cares about other people's kids.
You don't care about other people's kids. Why would you think others care about yours? -
I haven't posted in this thread because this unholy creature will not sleep more than 90 minutes without wanting tits. At least I know she's mine. But FML anyway.
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Sorry so late to the friggin’ party. Pure gold as usual. Congratulations @Swaye all my best to you and CLS! Fatherhood is wonderful thing. Easy for me to say because I am in the rewards phase.
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Correct, but you're not understanding the situation. You can keep your momming as private as possible, but the REST of the world wants to throw THEIR momming in your face. Get it? So say you're a mom who can't breastfeed. Or you have no choice but to go to work. Or you can't afford the best daycare in town and therefore Junior isn't on the fast track to Harvard. But you still log into your Facebook moms support group for advice on, say, why your little alien-looking thing won't stop screaming at night, and all you read is post after post after post of, "I'm still breastfeeding my little Susie, and she's three! Breast is best, and here are ten pics of me doing it in public because it's such a precious and beautiful thing that should be celebrated even though squirrels can do it!"RoadDawg55 said:
How does Facebook make mother’s that can’t nurse feel like scum? It is possible to keep how you feed your baby private and not broadcast it to the world. Shocking, I know.1to392831weretaken said:My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.
My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Or, "I quit my corporate law gig, moved out of my house on the lake and into a rambler in the burbs, and now I can care for my little one full time. I'd give everything for my little one. Who wouldn't?"
Or, "I toured [daycare that your kids are in because you're a poor] today, and I just wasn't impressed. I had to give up my gym membership, cancel our TV subscription, and we'll go without a family vacation for the next four years, but little Junior is now enrolled at [organic, free-range, 1:1 staff-to-kid ratio daycare that costs more than your mortgage]!"
Or, "Four years old and have never laid eyes on a TV screen! The science is clear. It's a lot or work and time out of our adult lives and takes creativity, but it's totally possible to keep a kid entertained all day without a screen."
It's completely avoidable by simply avoiding those platforms (hence my suggested elaborate ruse), but people are addicted to those platforms, so there you go. I'd admonish people for being addicted to those platforms, but I have 1500 posts here, so it would ring hollow.
It certainly might explain six months of constant screaming...MikeDamone said:Your son has an asshole for a stomach? That must look odd.
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This guy GETS it.1to392831weretaken said:
Correct, but you're not understanding the situation. You can keep your momming as private as possible, but the REST of the world wants to throw THEIR momming in your face. Get it? So say you're a mom who can't breastfeed. Or you have no choice but to go to work. Or you can't afford the best daycare in town and therefore Junior isn't on the fast track to Harvard. But you still log into your Facebook moms support group for advice on, say, why your little alien-looking thing won't stop screaming at night, and all you read is post after post after post of, "I'm still breastfeeding my little Susie, and she's three! Breast is best, and here are ten pics of me doing it in public because it's such a precious and beautiful thing that should be celebrated even though squirrels can do it!"RoadDawg55 said:
How does Facebook make mother’s that can’t nurse feel like scum? It is possible to keep how you feed your baby private and not broadcast it to the world. Shocking, I know.1to392831weretaken said:My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.
My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Or, "I quit my corporate law gig, moved out of my house on the lake and into a rambler in the burbs, and now I can care for my little one full time. I'd give everything for my little one. Who wouldn't?"
Or, "I toured [daycare that your kids are in because you're a poor] today, and I just wasn't impressed. I had to give up my gym membership, cancel our TV subscription, and we'll go without a family vacation for the next four years, but little Junior is now enrolled at [organic, free-range, 1:1 staff-to-kid ratio daycare that costs more than your mortgage]!"
Or, "Four years old and have never laid eyes on a TV screen! The science is clear. It's a lot or work and time out of our adult lives and takes creativity, but it's totally possible to keep a kid entertained all day without a screen."
It's completely avoidable by simply avoiding those platforms (hence my suggested elaborate ruse), but people are addicted to those platforms, so there you go. I'd admonish people for being addicted to those platforms, but I have 1500 posts here, so it would ring hollow.
It certainly might explain six months of constant screaming...MikeDamone said:Your son has an asshole for a stomach? That must look odd.
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I don't even think you can avoid it by staying off the platforms. Unless you disconnect from society entirely it will show up. Volunteering for stuff at preschool or elementary school, side comments depending on your situation ("I don't know how you can leave you son/daughter to go work overseas for two weeks! I could never!"), the competition extends beyond social media.1to392831weretaken said:
It's completely avoidable by simply avoiding those platforms (hence my suggested elaborate ruse), but people are addicted to those platforms, so there you go. I'd admonish people for being addicted to those platforms, but I have 1500 posts here, so it would ring hollow.
I've seen it first hand with many of my female coworkers who have school aged kids. -
Make mommy'ing great again.
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Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
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Everything I know I learned on All My Children during mommy nap time.YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
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Humble brag: At 52, Mrs. Creepy still has a beautiful set of cans. Think Skinny's mom, only better. She's ageless that one, especially upstairs.
Let me tell you. When she was 28 and knocked up with our first born ... H-O-L-Y shit. I have yet to see a better set. Ever. You heard me. Ever. And I mean it. No bias.
It's those memories of mammary that bind us together to this day.
Anyway, I lost track of why I posted. Oh yeah. Those things lactated like nobody's bidness. She had to keep them covered up or they'd squirt all over the place. Real thing. I ain't lyin'. Those things were OOC ... in a good way.
Carry on. -
We try to limit it to two hours per day (one each, but they're both always watching/playing, so it's basically two). By "try," I mean we tell the kids they each get an hour, then we get busy doing things, six hours go by, kids are still drooling and watching Netflix or playing Castle Crashers, and I'm like, "Eh... tomorrow they'll go outside."YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
Rinse, repeat.
My friends come over, say their kids are on a strict half hour per day regimen, and it's all I can do to stop myself from rolling my eyes and making the jerkoff motion: Either your life as a functioning adult, with your own desires and concerns and ambitions, is OVER or your kids are going to be plopped in front of some screens. There's no having it both ways. -
Um, ahhh. Keep going...creepycoug said:Humble brag: At 52, Mrs. Creepy still has a beautiful set of cans. Think Skinny's mom, only better. She's ageless that one, especially upstairs.
Let me tell you. When she was 28 and knocked up with our first born ... H-O-L-Y shit. I have yet to see a better set. Ever. You heard me. Ever. And I mean it. No bias.
It's those memories of mammary that bind us together to this day.
Anyway, I lost track of why I posted. Oh yeah. Those things lactated like nobody's bidness. She had to keep them covered up or they'd squirt all over the place. Real thing. I ain't lyin'. Those things were OOC ... in a good way.
Carry on. -
Screen time even my wife the pro uses. We try to keep it limited but it makes it that much more effective when she does get it.YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
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Imagine bragging about one's spouse's cans on a college football message. Christos!!creepycoug said:Humble brag: At 52, Mrs. Creepy still has a beautiful set of cans. Think Skinny's mom, only better. She's ageless that one, especially upstairs.
Let me tell you. When she was 28 and knocked up with our first born ... H-O-L-Y shit. I have yet to see a better set. Ever. You heard me. Ever. And I mean it. No bias.
It's those memories of mammary that bind us together to this day.
Anyway, I lost track of why I posted. Oh yeah. Those things lactated like nobody's bidness. She had to keep them covered up or they'd squirt all over the place. Real thing. I ain't lyin'. Those things were OOC ... in a good way.
Carry on. -
We probably go over too much on the weekends (weekdays are fine because kids are in school). But we live where we live. It's not sunny and nice outside much of the year and there's only so much you can do to entertain kids on a rainy day.UW_Doog_Bot said:
Screen time even my wife the pro uses. We try to keep it limited but it makes it that much more effective when she does get it.YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
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I have three. The one who just got accepted into a PhD program for maff watched Teletubbies and loved it. Teletubbies. If you ever watched 2 minutes of that shit you'd know what I mean. Spooky weird. This one:UW_Doog_Bot said:
Screen time even my wife the pro uses. We try to keep it limited but it makes it that much more effective when she does get it.YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
She managed to survive.
Creepy Tim advice for the day: don't try too hard with your kids. It won't really make that much of a difference either way. They are resilient af and will survive and thrive despite your worst parental mistakes; and they're not going to MIT or playing for the DAWGS! if their DNA coding doesn't say so. Life's beautiful and life's a bitch. Boffe.
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Yep. Cognitive ability is pretty much formed by age 2 or so anyhow. It's basically genetic luck + the home environment in the first few years- i.e., adequate nutrition, sleep and not too much stress. Hence, why I think many parents over think a lot of this stuff.creepycoug said:
I have three. The one who just got accepted into a PhD program for maff watched Teletubbies and loved it. Teletubbies. If you ever watched 2 minutes of that shit you'd know what I mean. Spooky weird. This one:UW_Doog_Bot said:
Screen time even my wife the pro uses. We try to keep it limited but it makes it that much more effective when she does get it.YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
She managed to survive.
Creepy Tim advice for the day: don't try too hard with your kids. It won't really make that much of a difference either way. They are resilient af and will survive and thrive despite your worst parental mistakes; and they're not going to MIT or playing for the DAWGS! if their DNA coding doesn't say so. Life's beautiful and life's a bitch. Boffe. -
I cant even make sense of this thread because I haven;t slept in 30 plus hours. Please kill me.
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Your daughter will resent you for making her birthday so close to Christmas
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Give it tim.Swaye said:I cant even make sense of this thread because I haven;t slept in 30 plus hours. Please kill me.
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I can't help it. Those things are SEC-caliber. In their heyday, they were 2001 Miami-level. THAT nice.YellowSnow said:
Imagine bragging about one's spouse's cans on a college football message. Christos!!creepycoug said:Humble brag: At 52, Mrs. Creepy still has a beautiful set of cans. Think Skinny's mom, only better. She's ageless that one, especially upstairs.
Let me tell you. When she was 28 and knocked up with our first born ... H-O-L-Y shit. I have yet to see a better set. Ever. You heard me. Ever. And I mean it. No bias.
It's those memories of mammary that bind us together to this day.
Anyway, I lost track of why I posted. Oh yeah. Those things lactated like nobody's bidness. She had to keep them covered up or they'd squirt all over the place. Real thing. I ain't lyin'. Those things were OOC ... in a good way.
Carry on.
You know what they say down souwf: it ain't braggin' if it's true. That makes no sense; few things in the armpit know as the southeastern US do. But it sounded good. -
Let's not discourage this kind of behavior. Dig?YellowSnow said:
Imagine bragging about one's spouse's cans on a college football message. Christos!!creepycoug said:Humble brag: At 52, Mrs. Creepy still has a beautiful set of cans. Think Skinny's mom, only better. She's ageless that one, especially upstairs.
Let me tell you. When she was 28 and knocked up with our first born ... H-O-L-Y shit. I have yet to see a better set. Ever. You heard me. Ever. And I mean it. No bias.
It's those memories of mammary that bind us together to this day.
Anyway, I lost track of why I posted. Oh yeah. Those things lactated like nobody's bidness. She had to keep them covered up or they'd squirt all over the place. Real thing. I ain't lyin'. Those things were OOC ... in a good way.
Carry on. -
All about Erica?PurpleThrobber said:
Everything I know I learned on All My Children during mommy nap time.YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
You always struck me as a General Hospital, Luke & Laura guy. That Bobbie chick has nice big melons, too.
I guess ya never know when your sponsor choices are Tide vs. Cheer. -
I've lived this. For real.1to392831weretaken said:
We try to limit it to two hours per day (one each, but they're both always watching/playing, so it's basically two). By "try," I mean we tell the kids they each get an hour, then we get busy doing things, six hours go by, kids are still drooling and watching Netflix or playing Castle Crashers, and I'm like, "Eh... tomorrow they'll go outside."YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
Rinse, repeat.
My friends come over, say their kids are on a strict half hour per day regimen, and it's all I can do to stop myself from rolling my eyes and making the jerkoff motion: Either your life as a functioning adult, with your own desires and concerns and ambitions, is OVER or your kids are going to be plopped in front of some screens. There's no having it both ways.
What I've learned about parenting after a half-century on this planet is this: be a decent human being, treat your wife well and go to work every day. Your kids will watch you do these things and that will prove to be 1,000,000X more important than screen time, club sports, private school, playing classical music in the house, Cello lessons, learning French and all the shit you're going to lecture to them (which will go in one ear and out the other 99.9% of the tim, so save it).
And find better friends. I cut out people like that early on. Took my wife (the one with the beautimus cans) longer to cut bait with some people, which is weird when I look back on it because she's always had better instincts for social stuff than I.
My kids are good people and self-sufficient relative to their age. We've had great proud moments and we've had some hum dingers in the house. They make me happy and they are often the most giant pain in my ass. Raising children is not for the weak.
The lesson I'm learning now, which is probably the most important one, is this: you have to become your own person again after they're grown and wean yourself from riding their life's roller coaster with them. As one very wise person put it to me - you have to eventually get to the point at which you don't feel pain every time one of your kids gets pinched. At some point, you gotta let go enough to enjoy your life. I'm still working on this part, but I'm getting there. Not sure the wife will ever make it. -
Pimping out the cans is acceptable. Pimping out the person is wrong. There is a line to be crossed.YellowSnow said:
Imagine bragging about one's spouse's cans on a college football message. Christos!!creepycoug said:Humble brag: At 52, Mrs. Creepy still has a beautiful set of cans. Think Skinny's mom, only better. She's ageless that one, especially upstairs.
Let me tell you. When she was 28 and knocked up with our first born ... H-O-L-Y shit. I have yet to see a better set. Ever. You heard me. Ever. And I mean it. No bias.
It's those memories of mammary that bind us together to this day.
Anyway, I lost track of why I posted. Oh yeah. Those things lactated like nobody's bidness. She had to keep them covered up or they'd squirt all over the place. Real thing. I ain't lyin'. Those things were OOC ... in a good way.
Carry on. -
You forgot row boat, Creep. Nothing builds character and integrity in young people like row boat.creepycoug said:
I've lived this. For real.1to392831weretaken said:
We try to limit it to two hours per day (one each, but they're both always watching/playing, so it's basically two). By "try," I mean we tell the kids they each get an hour, then we get busy doing things, six hours go by, kids are still drooling and watching Netflix or playing Castle Crashers, and I'm like, "Eh... tomorrow they'll go outside."YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
Rinse, repeat.
My friends come over, say their kids are on a strict half hour per day regimen, and it's all I can do to stop myself from rolling my eyes and making the jerkoff motion: Either your life as a functioning adult, with your own desires and concerns and ambitions, is OVER or your kids are going to be plopped in front of some screens. There's no having it both ways.
What I've learned about parenting after a half-century on this planet is this: be a decent human being, treat your wife well and go to work every day. Your kids will watch you do these things and that will prove to be 1,000,000X more important than screen time, club sports, private school, playing classical music in the house, Cello lessons, learning French and all the shit you're going to lecture to them (which will go in one ear and out the other 99.9% of the tim, so save it).
And find better friends. I cut out people like that early on. Took my wife (the one with the beautimus cans) longer to cut bait with some people, which is weird when I look back on it because she's always had better instincts for social stuff than I.
My kids are good people and self-sufficient relative to their age. We've had great proud moments and we've had some hum dingers in the house. They make me happy and they are often the most giant pain in my ass. Raising children is not for the weak.
The lesson I'm learning now, which is probably the most important one, is this: you have to become your own person again after they're grown and wean yourself from riding their life's roller coaster with them. As one very wise person put it to me - you have to eventually get to the point at which you don't feel pain every time one of your kids gets pinched. At some point, you gotta let go enough to enjoy your life. I'm still working on this part, but I'm getting there. Not sure the wife will ever make it. -
Row boat doesn't build character, it reveals itYellowSnow said:
You forgot row boat, Creep. Nothing builds character and integrity in young people like row boat.creepycoug said:
I've lived this. For real.1to392831weretaken said:
We try to limit it to two hours per day (one each, but they're both always watching/playing, so it's basically two). By "try," I mean we tell the kids they each get an hour, then we get busy doing things, six hours go by, kids are still drooling and watching Netflix or playing Castle Crashers, and I'm like, "Eh... tomorrow they'll go outside."YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
Rinse, repeat.
My friends come over, say their kids are on a strict half hour per day regimen, and it's all I can do to stop myself from rolling my eyes and making the jerkoff motion: Either your life as a functioning adult, with your own desires and concerns and ambitions, is OVER or your kids are going to be plopped in front of some screens. There's no having it both ways.
What I've learned about parenting after a half-century on this planet is this: be a decent human being, treat your wife well and go to work every day. Your kids will watch you do these things and that will prove to be 1,000,000X more important than screen time, club sports, private school, playing classical music in the house, Cello lessons, learning French and all the shit you're going to lecture to them (which will go in one ear and out the other 99.9% of the tim, so save it).
And find better friends. I cut out people like that early on. Took my wife (the one with the beautimus cans) longer to cut bait with some people, which is weird when I look back on it because she's always had better instincts for social stuff than I.
My kids are good people and self-sufficient relative to their age. We've had great proud moments and we've had some hum dingers in the house. They make me happy and they are often the most giant pain in my ass. Raising children is not for the weak.
The lesson I'm learning now, which is probably the most important one, is this: you have to become your own person again after they're grown and wean yourself from riding their life's roller coaster with them. As one very wise person put it to me - you have to eventually get to the point at which you don't feel pain every time one of your kids gets pinched. At some point, you gotta let go enough to enjoy your life. I'm still working on this part, but I'm getting there. Not sure the wife will ever make it. -
Profound!BearsWiin said:
Row boat doesn't build character, it reveals itYellowSnow said:
You forgot row boat, Creep. Nothing builds character and integrity in young people like row boat.creepycoug said:
I've lived this. For real.1to392831weretaken said:
We try to limit it to two hours per day (one each, but they're both always watching/playing, so it's basically two). By "try," I mean we tell the kids they each get an hour, then we get busy doing things, six hours go by, kids are still drooling and watching Netflix or playing Castle Crashers, and I'm like, "Eh... tomorrow they'll go outside."YellowSnow said:Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
Rinse, repeat.
My friends come over, say their kids are on a strict half hour per day regimen, and it's all I can do to stop myself from rolling my eyes and making the jerkoff motion: Either your life as a functioning adult, with your own desires and concerns and ambitions, is OVER or your kids are going to be plopped in front of some screens. There's no having it both ways.
What I've learned about parenting after a half-century on this planet is this: be a decent human being, treat your wife well and go to work every day. Your kids will watch you do these things and that will prove to be 1,000,000X more important than screen time, club sports, private school, playing classical music in the house, Cello lessons, learning French and all the shit you're going to lecture to them (which will go in one ear and out the other 99.9% of the tim, so save it).
And find better friends. I cut out people like that early on. Took my wife (the one with the beautimus cans) longer to cut bait with some people, which is weird when I look back on it because she's always had better instincts for social stuff than I.
My kids are good people and self-sufficient relative to their age. We've had great proud moments and we've had some hum dingers in the house. They make me happy and they are often the most giant pain in my ass. Raising children is not for the weak.
The lesson I'm learning now, which is probably the most important one, is this: you have to become your own person again after they're grown and wean yourself from riding their life's roller coaster with them. As one very wise person put it to me - you have to eventually get to the point at which you don't feel pain every time one of your kids gets pinched. At some point, you gotta let go enough to enjoy your life. I'm still working on this part, but I'm getting there. Not sure the wife will ever make it.
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I owe this dude my life.
