Ooo, ooo, ooo, one more that just came to me: The one day I was a "big time college football recruit."
Back then, I was completely unaware of the whole TBSing industry. Our small time coaches didn't know shit about it either and did nothing to promote their players. I got a few letters from small schools like UPS and whatnot because of our team camping there, but by my junior year I was already four knee surgeries in and still hadn't experienced that late 6" growth spurt, so I knew being Al Bundy was the pinnacle I could hope for.
But a couple of guys were being recruited and were invited to the northwest big time recruiting camp at some high school field near Seattle. Can't remember which. One of these guys was a linebacker who was going to be a junior. Lambo wanted him, but Rick didn't, so he ended up at Idaho. The other was the receiver in my class who ended up at Eastern.
A group of our core players decided to roll down with these two in support and watch the camp, as we had no idea what it would be all about. My dad had a big 15 passenger van, so we rolled down as a pretty decent sized group, myself and the three other senior captains, the junior linebacker, and the incoming sophomore Amon, who hadn't left the team yet. On the way, we stopped at a gas station and picked up big boxes of gas station fried chicken, little chocolate donuts (Belushi breakfast of champs), and Gatorades. I pigged the fuck out, eating the whole box of donuts and a couple pieces of chicken, as it's not like I needed to run a 40 anytime soon.
WRONG.
We got there and hung out with our invited buddies in line, got to the front, and the lady at the table tossed us all T-shirts and said, "Okay, sign in."
Ho. Lee. Shit. I was going to be working out in front of coaches from every school in the PAC-10! With nine pounds of chicken and little chocolate donuts in my stomach! And a size-XXX T-shirt drag racing parachute, as that's all they had!
I ran the slowest 40 of my life, as if I were being pulled back from my belt the whole way. I caught more than I dropped in receiver drills. I vaguely recall a decent 3-cone time. Bench press has always been my weakest lift, so I think I managed to get up 225... none times. On the bright side, top-10 in the whole camp with vertical jump (I think it was 34", tied with another of my uninvited teammates).
Suffice it to say, no big time scholarship offers came out of it, but a free novelty T-shirt and a lot of self-deprecating laughs were had.
Funniest part was Amon. He wasn't even a sophomore yet, so coaches weren't supposed to contact him. Watching that dynamic was interesting. He was THE most popular guy at the combine with all of the coaches. They all knew exactly who he was, and they all found ways to accidentally bump into him and chat.
Attempted, high school, bent a knee the wrong way, PT bill came and one of my dads said I could go out for the chess team. Broke a finger the next year playing speed chess. What was once a promising career ended in giving sexual favors to dads and moms in the bathroom on parent teacher night, and the occasional administrator.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really.
This is one of the top 10 posts in the history of this shithole.
Funny enough, many of the sexual favors involved a shithole. The circle of life bruh.
Co-captain of a middling team in a non-football conference (WESCO 4A) in a non-football state. By virtue of being one of four seniors on the team... Right before the season started, our star player's (Stanford/Baltimore Ravens) mom was given a job by another school, so I suddenly had to fill his shoes at both positions. We had--no shit--13 full time varsity players, then a huge cliff down to the JV, so everyone played both ways and special teams except for the QB. In retrospect, I can't believe we were able to win any games at all.
My favorite part about TSIO is the coining of the phrase "try-hard," as you could not better describe me in high school. Every time I heard that on the pod, I'd chuckle and picture myself in high school: gym rat, real coach on the field, zero physical talent. We went from NFL guy at fullback/WIL linebacker to all 5'8" 160 lbs. of me! Fucking rad. I led the team in carries on offense and scored two TDs all season. 'Nuff said, FMFYFE.
Teyo (sp?) Johnson?
Edit: guessed wrong. I have no patience to read 6 pages before replying.
So I went to a really big tim football school in Texas (played for the State 5A Championship last year and were always at least solid going back decades). I think pictures always speak a thousand words, so I'll just show a random picture of the team and you can draw your own conclusions as to what the coaches thought when a skinny 115 pound dipshit half breed showed up for tryouts. Getting shitcanned not only probably saved my life, but also allowed me to find my true love, competitive weed smoking. State Champion 1986-1989 and this is undisputed.
We are recruiting a 2022 DL out of Duncanville who is a top 25 player and he actually likes us. Can Uncle Swaye pull a Nevin Shapiro?
Comments
Back then, I was completely unaware of the whole TBSing industry. Our small time coaches didn't know shit about it either and did nothing to promote their players. I got a few letters from small schools like UPS and whatnot because of our team camping there, but by my junior year I was already four knee surgeries in and still hadn't experienced that late 6" growth spurt, so I knew being Al Bundy was the pinnacle I could hope for.
But a couple of guys were being recruited and were invited to the northwest big time recruiting camp at some high school field near Seattle. Can't remember which. One of these guys was a linebacker who was going to be a junior. Lambo wanted him, but Rick didn't, so he ended up at Idaho. The other was the receiver in my class who ended up at Eastern.
A group of our core players decided to roll down with these two in support and watch the camp, as we had no idea what it would be all about. My dad had a big 15 passenger van, so we rolled down as a pretty decent sized group, myself and the three other senior captains, the junior linebacker, and the incoming sophomore Amon, who hadn't left the team yet. On the way, we stopped at a gas station and picked up big boxes of gas station fried chicken, little chocolate donuts (Belushi breakfast of champs), and Gatorades. I pigged the fuck out, eating the whole box of donuts and a couple pieces of chicken, as it's not like I needed to run a 40 anytime soon.
WRONG.
We got there and hung out with our invited buddies in line, got to the front, and the lady at the table tossed us all T-shirts and said, "Okay, sign in."
Ho. Lee. Shit. I was going to be working out in front of coaches from every school in the PAC-10! With nine pounds of chicken and little chocolate donuts in my stomach! And a size-XXX
T-shirtdrag racing parachute, as that's all they had!I ran the slowest 40 of my life, as if I were being pulled back from my belt the whole way. I caught more than I dropped in receiver drills. I vaguely recall a decent 3-cone time. Bench press has always been my weakest lift, so I think I managed to get up 225... none times. On the bright side, top-10 in the whole camp with vertical jump (I think it was 34", tied with another of my uninvited teammates).
Suffice it to say, no big time scholarship offers came out of it, but a free novelty T-shirt and a lot of self-deprecating laughs were had.
Funniest part was Amon. He wasn't even a sophomore yet, so coaches weren't supposed to contact him. Watching that dynamic was interesting. He was THE most popular guy at the combine with all of the coaches. They all knew exactly who he was, and they all found ways to accidentally bump into him and chat.
Good Tims.
Also, thank you!
Edit: guessed wrong. I have no patience to read 6 pages before replying.