Your beloved favorite characters Han, Luke, and Leia, who you thought beat the bad guys and lived happily ever after, were actually failures who spent their entire lives fighting a horrifying, generations long, losing war that took away everything they ever loved and eventually killed them, but not before passing the horror on to a new cursed generation, because these toys aren't gonna sell themselves.
I love watching Return of the Jedi now, knowing that, rather than it being a happy ending, turns out the rebellion is slowly crushed, the imperials emerge stronger and more brutal than ever, Han and Leia have a child that turns out to be literally Hitler x100000000 then they break up, and Luke loses faith in everything he's ever believed and totally gives up until it's too late to make any real difference. Han is murdered by his own child, and Leia lives just long enough to see everything and everyone that she ever loved die.
Nerdrage++ but that movie sucked more dick than Liberace on cocaine.
You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance
Your beloved favorite characters Han, Luke, and Leia, who you thought beat the bad guys and lived happily ever after, were actually failures who spent their entire lives fighting a horrifying, generations long, losing war that took away everything they ever loved and eventually killed them, but not before passing the horror on to a new cursed generation, because these toys aren't gonna sell themselves.
Your beloved favorite characters Han, Luke, and Leia, who you thought beat the bad guys and lived happily ever after, were actually failures who spent their entire lives fighting a horrifying, generations long, losing war that took away everything they ever loved and eventually killed them, but not before passing the horror on to a new cursed generation, because these toys aren't gonna sell themselves.
I love watching Return of the Jedi now, knowing that, rather than it being a happy ending, turns out the rebellion is slowly crushed, the imperials emerge stronger and more brutal than ever, Han and Leia have a child that turns out to be literally Hitler x100000000 then they break up, and Luke loses faith in everything he's ever believed and totally gives up until it's too late to make any real difference. Han is murdered by his own child, and Leia lives just long enough to see everything and everyone that she ever loved die.
Nerdrage++ but that movie sucked more dick than Liberace on cocaine.
You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance
OK I'll dumb myself down and pretend that retroactively ruining the OT isn't a big deal.
So how about the plot then? So the story goes - the Empire (sorry, "1st order") is chasing these three rebel cruisers, slooowly, and rebels cannot get away, and their fuel is dwindling, and it's a matter of hours before the chase ends, so the secondary characters have a plan of, ahem, GOING TO A SEPARATE STAR SYSTEM, FINDING A "MASTER CODEBREAKER" WHOM THEY WILL ONLY RECOGNIZE BY HAVING A RED FLOWER ON HIS SHIRT, COMING BACK, STEALTHILY INFILTRATING A GIANT FREAKING EMPIRE MOTHERSHIP AND REMOVING SOME TECHNICAL MUMBO JUMBO WHICH WILL ALLOW REBELS TO ESCAPE!?!? I find it unfathomable Disney signed off on this lol
I won't even get into the characters. Or the bizarre, not-subtle politicizing.
Your beloved favorite characters Han, Luke, and Leia, who you thought beat the bad guys and lived happily ever after, were actually failures who spent their entire lives fighting a horrifying, generations long, losing war that took away everything they ever loved and eventually killed them, but not before passing the horror on to a new cursed generation, because these toys aren't gonna sell themselves.
I love watching Return of the Jedi now, knowing that, rather than it being a happy ending, turns out the rebellion is slowly crushed, the imperials emerge stronger and more brutal than ever, Han and Leia have a child that turns out to be literally Hitler x100000000 then they break up, and Luke loses faith in everything he's ever believed and totally gives up until it's too late to make any real difference. Han is murdered by his own child, and Leia lives just long enough to see everything and everyone that she ever loved die.
Nerdrage++ but that movie sucked more dick than Liberace on cocaine.
You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance
this is disingenuous argument and you know it. just admit you liked the bright lights, pretty colors, Marvel fluff jokes, and the boom boom special effects. or conversely that you're such a fanboy you will love anything with star wars on it.
let's make a shawshank redemption sequel, where 7 days after arriving in mexico andy and red are rounded up by a cartel and murdered.
ppl say 'hey wtf i loved that story and those characters, you killed it'
and people like you say, unironically, "You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance"
Your beloved favorite characters Han, Luke, and Leia, who you thought beat the bad guys and lived happily ever after, were actually failures who spent their entire lives fighting a horrifying, generations long, losing war that took away everything they ever loved and eventually killed them, but not before passing the horror on to a new cursed generation, because these toys aren't gonna sell themselves.
I love watching Return of the Jedi now, knowing that, rather than it being a happy ending, turns out the rebellion is slowly crushed, the imperials emerge stronger and more brutal than ever, Han and Leia have a child that turns out to be literally Hitler x100000000 then they break up, and Luke loses faith in everything he's ever believed and totally gives up until it's too late to make any real difference. Han is murdered by his own child, and Leia lives just long enough to see everything and everyone that she ever loved die.
Nerdrage++ but that movie sucked more dick than Liberace on cocaine.
You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance
OK I'll dumb myself down and pretend that retroactively ruining the OT isn't a big deal.
So how about the plot then? So the story goes - the Empire (sorry, "1st order") is chasing these three rebel cruisers, slooowly, and rebels cannot get away, and their fuel is dwindling, and it's a matter of hours before the chase ends, so the secondary characters have a plan of, ahem, GOING TO A SEPARATE STAR SYSTEM, FINDING A "MASTER CODEBREAKER" WHOM THEY WILL ONLY RECOGNIZE BY HAVING A RED FLOWER ON HIS SHIRT, COMING BACK, STEALTHILY INFILTRATING A GIANT FREAKING EMPIRE MOTHERSHIP AND REMOVING SOME TECHNICAL MUMBO JUMBO WHICH WILL ALLOW REBELS TO ESCAPE!?!? I find it unfathomable Disney signed off on this lol
I won't even get into the characters. Or the bizarre, not-subtle politicizing.
Ahh it feels good to nerd rage. Been a while.
Right. And you probably had no problem with mynocks living in an atmospheric gullet of a space worm on an asteroid in ESB. Or that nobody on another Imperial shop cared to look at the back of the Avenger's superstructure to see the Falcon hanging on to it. Or that the original fucking Death Star hyperspaced to Yavin but then took an interminably loooong time to get around the planet to get a shot on the moon.
The original trilogy had holes. It was campy. Don't act like it didn't, and the newer movies somehow don't live up.
Your beloved favorite characters Han, Luke, and Leia, who you thought beat the bad guys and lived happily ever after, were actually failures who spent their entire lives fighting a horrifying, generations long, losing war that took away everything they ever loved and eventually killed them, but not before passing the horror on to a new cursed generation, because these toys aren't gonna sell themselves.
I love watching Return of the Jedi now, knowing that, rather than it being a happy ending, turns out the rebellion is slowly crushed, the imperials emerge stronger and more brutal than ever, Han and Leia have a child that turns out to be literally Hitler x100000000 then they break up, and Luke loses faith in everything he's ever believed and totally gives up until it's too late to make any real difference. Han is murdered by his own child, and Leia lives just long enough to see everything and everyone that she ever loved die.
Nerdrage++ but that movie sucked more dick than Liberace on cocaine.
You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance
this is disingenuous argument and you know it. just admit you liked the bright lights, pretty colors, Marvel fluff jokes, and the boom boom special effects. or conversely that you're such a fanboy you will love anything with star wars on it.
let's make a shawshank redemption sequel, where 7 days after arriving in mexico andy and red are rounded up by a cartel and murdered.
ppl say 'hey wtf i loved that story and those characters, you killed it'
and people like you say, unironically, "You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance"
ROFL
If it makes you feel any better, I don't let my kids watch the shitty prequels.
Life isn't about happy endings. It's about constant struggle. Lucas understood it, Disney gets it, why don't you?
Comments
So how about the plot then? So the story goes - the Empire (sorry, "1st order") is chasing these three rebel cruisers, slooowly, and rebels cannot get away, and their fuel is dwindling, and it's a matter of hours before the chase ends, so the secondary characters have a plan of, ahem, GOING TO A SEPARATE STAR SYSTEM, FINDING A "MASTER CODEBREAKER" WHOM THEY WILL ONLY RECOGNIZE BY HAVING A RED FLOWER ON HIS SHIRT, COMING BACK, STEALTHILY INFILTRATING A GIANT FREAKING EMPIRE MOTHERSHIP AND REMOVING SOME TECHNICAL MUMBO JUMBO WHICH WILL ALLOW REBELS TO ESCAPE!?!? I find it unfathomable Disney signed off on this lol
I won't even get into the characters. Or the bizarre, not-subtle politicizing.
Ahh it feels good to nerd rage. Been a while.
let's make a shawshank redemption sequel, where 7 days after arriving in mexico andy and red are rounded up by a cartel and murdered.
ppl say 'hey wtf i loved that story and those characters, you killed it'
and people like you say, unironically, "You want Happily Ever After, draw a bubble bath, brew some chamomile tea, and read a fucking Harlequin romance"
ROFL
The original trilogy had holes. It was campy. Don't act like it didn't, and the newer movies somehow don't live up.
Life isn't about happy endings. It's about constant struggle. Lucas understood it, Disney gets it, why don't you?