Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)
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Jesus I am begging one of you to kill me if I ever do anything this gay.whlinder said:
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Dude looks like a cross between me and Baze. Too terroristy.whlinder said:
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Yeah, the shit people have laid down in this thread is hysterical. Certainly an all timer. Not moving it yet though because there might be more Facebook funsies or wedding advice nuggets I cannot live without.TurdBomber said:
Classics Board. Immediately. Fucking Bullseye.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet.
Also, FRANNY! -
Thanks dude. Shit man, I'm not going anywhere. I told her straight up, I'll give up the drugs and hookers, and tone down the alcoholism for you, but never come between a man and his Jeep, deer hunting, and football addiction. Made her sign a contract. Those three things were all that was there. Her contract for me (think they call it a prenup?) was 12 pages long and required witnesses and a lawyer (you really fucked me there @creepycoug ). I did mine on a napkin and had Clem at the bar notarize it.guntlove said:Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
Ladies love me and the girls adore me.Swaye said:
Thanks for keeping the secret lo these many moons. And yes, I have noticed she is super horned up right now (newly preggers?), but figure after the honeymoon is the end of my sexual life. Lucky for me I have put onYellowSnow said:Hope yer good at NTD, BB. Cause that's gonna be it for a while chief.
1520 pounds in the 2 years we've been together. Since it's all over i may just say fuck it and throw on about 100 more and go for the Fetters physique. -
Holy shit. I thought only my ex-wife/kid's mom did this.1to392831weretaken said:
I call it "competitive momming." Live in Yuppyville like me, and it's even worse. You're made to feel guilty for not putting your kids in expensive private schools or after-school programs, not getting them the best things, not sacrificing as much as the other mom. I'm so sick of watching my friends' wives climb up on their crosses and then complain about it.dnc said:
This is highly accurate. Also the driver of a ton of unneccessary expenses. Like I said before I lucked out and married a minimalist but if CLS isn’t one, keep her off social media and especially Pinterest.1to392831weretaken said:Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:
Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet. -
Congratulations to @Doogles for the upcoming additions to his watch collection!Swaye said:
Thanks dude. Shit man, I'm not going anywhere. I told her straight up, I'll give up the drugs and hookers, and tone down the alcoholism for you, but never come between a man and his Jeep, deer hunting, and football addiction. Made her sign a contract. Those three things were all that was there. Her contract for me (think they call it a prenup?) was 12 pages long and required witnesses and a lawyer (you really fucked me there @creepycoug ). I did mine on a napkin and had Clem at the bar notarize it.guntlove said:Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
Yeah, that was a pretty glaring oversight. I am sure I will lose those in the chinevitable divorce. Maybe I should just sell to Doogles now and bury the money in the back yard.dnc said:
Congratulations to @Doogles for the upcoming additions to his watch collection!Swaye said:
Thanks dude. Shit man, I'm not going anywhere. I told her straight up, I'll give up the drugs and hookers, and tone down the alcoholism for you, but never come between a man and his Jeep, deer hunting, and football addiction. Made her sign a contract. Those three things were all that was there. Her contract for me (think they call it a prenup?) was 12 pages long and required witnesses and a lawyer (you really fucked me there @creepycoug ). I did mine on a napkin and had Clem at the bar notarize it.guntlove said:Jesus.... this thread is an all-timer. Page after page of top quality shit.
Mazel tov, @Swaye.... you're a really good dude, and this shithole is a happier and funnier place for having you around. I hope you don't disappear.
God speed,
gunt -
My takeaway is that if I find out swayes real name is Patrick....I'm gone.
No warning. Just gone -
#DressyCasualPitchfork51 said:My takeaway is that if I find out swayes real name is Patrick....I'm gone.
No warning. Just gone
