I appreciate the people (you know who you are) who assumed when I didn't show up for a week I had died of an overdose. That's nice. I won't name names, because shit PM'ed to me stays with me, but one of our good friends here on the bored did actually get ticketed for weed possession last week. I hope it starts a long and meaningful career for them in drug abuse. Kind of a gateway arrest. I loved my first time. Anyway, back to the story of my week....
So, was feeling pretty dejected after the Oregon loss. I'm going to miss
@Gladstone and I figured
@oregonblitzkrieg would make
@Doog_de_Jour have an avatar of a gay man in a Duck costume. Because he's a faggot. I was also pissed that we haven't found a kicker in 5 years, and that Pete is a complete pussy, and that we wasted Shitsox only career defining late game drive for a win, and that Chins still weren't back. Life pretty much sucked hard.
Imagine my surprise when my phone rang Saturday night and my agent said he had the job of a lifetime for me. Turns out
@ElizabethWarrenDWAG 's people had reached out to my people and wanted me to validate her Cherokee status based on "revealing" DNA results. I cleaned the pile of Cheetos off my chest and sprang into action. We ended up meeting in North Carolina and I put that milky white bitch in a wigwam and we had a sweat. So
@SpiritHorse shows up on hour 12 after she had already pissed herself 3 times and was mumbling incoherently, takes one look at her and says "Bitch, you ain't Injun! lulz!" That was that, and her people gave me a thousand bucks to sign a non-disclosure agreement that I am ignoring after taking the money because I lie and steal all the time. So the important thing in all this is I got paid, Pocahontas is a complete fucking fraud, and Trump wins again.
And did the spirits ever smile on me when I was gone! Turns out BBK is actually an Injun warrior. I am sorry I made fun of you for three fucking years you milky white magic motherfucker. Smooches. And,
@oregonblitzkrieg went completely off the rails after getting crushed by some loser faggots from Pullman, which is always fun to watch. Pete is still a giant pussy, but meh. And
@puppylove_sugarsteel podded with my life partner
@UW_Doog_Bot (RIP
@dnc ).... Best of all, I come back to CHINS. FUCK YES!
I am also quite happy that
@RuffaloSoldier has probably killed himself by now. Wins all the way around this week, except
@Gladstone . Proof that after soul wrenching losses, great things can happen, even if you are a pathetic loser Husky fan like me.
Thanks for reading, and fuck Elizabeth Warren right in her fake lying pretend red butthole.
Let's take a moment to celebrate an actual First Nation sister, instead of a lying cunt from Boston.
p.s. I am kind of bummed I missed out on
@Fire_Marshall_Bill 's pick em. Probably for the best, because I assume I was in 33rd place or some shit.
Comments
He’ll claim injun dna before the bowel game then Ohio St will trump him again.
Feel the hate
Careful there. The Throbber will fuck you up.