A Sark Texas story in three tweets
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Between this and academically prowess, the internet struck gold today
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almost had the reverse mike price
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This man left his family for a semi-illiterate street trash hooker whose claim to fame was a pole dancing routine on Jerry Springer. And then Sark decided to throw $1m at him and make him one of the highest paid non-coordinator assistants in the country.
It's becoming clear that the alcoholism was just window dressing. At the end of the day, the guy is just a fucking idiot. -
And also God bless Sark for burying the Jimmy foot-in-mouth story with this insanity.
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Every addict knows you got to have a fall guy when things get out of hand.GreenRiverGatorz said:This man left his family for a semi-illiterate street trash hooker whose claim to fame was a pole dancing routine on Jerry Springer. And then Sark decided to throw $1m at him and make him one of the highest paid non-coordinator assistants in the country.
It's becoming clear that the alcoholism was just window dressing. At the end of the day, the guy is just a fucking idiot.
"No officer, I wasn't driving and that bag of white powder isn't mine, I'm pretty sure guy with the stripper on his lap and monkey on his shoulder was driving and dropped something." -
Doesn’t look like monkey from Outbreak at all
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I'm a flea bit peanut monkey, all my frens are junkies.
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This stripper must be crazy good in bed
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@DerekJohnson
Honestly, I thought it was common knowledge about Banks, pole assassin and the monkey. The book on Banks was that he was a stud recruiter and his personal life was a train wreck. We knew that going in. Texas fans have been talking about it since before he got hired. I guess the monkey biting a kid brought it to the public's attention, but none of this is new information. In fact, months ago on surly we named our 2023 recruiting thread, "Monkeys, strippers and 5 stars." It should probably be renamed to, "Rabies shots, horrible PR and 3 star backup plans," with the way things are going.
Also, this is the first good thing to happen to Texas football since halftime of the OU game. Fuck this season. You guys want Kwiatkowski back? We'll put him on the first plane out of Austin. He's been an abject failure. I know that Texas doesn't have the greatest personnel at LB or S in the country, but they aren't 115th ranked defense or whatever the hell they are ranked, bad. Why did you guys like him so much? They don't even line up correctly or have any clue about situational football. I'm talking crazy shit, like the safeties playing bail coverage in short yardage situations in the red zone. It's mind numbingly stupid. -
lolMitch_Cumsteen said:@DerekJohnson
Honestly, I thought it was common knowledge about Banks, pole assassin and the monkey. The book on Banks was that he was a stud recruiter and his personal life was a train wreck. We knew that going in. Texas fans have been talking about it since before he got hired. I guess the monkey biting a kid brought it to the public's attention, but none of this is new information. In fact, months ago on surly we named our 2023 recruiting thread, "Monkeys, strippers and 5 stars." It should probably be renamed to, "Rabies shots, horrible PR and 3 star backup plans," with the way things are going.
Also, this is the first good thing to happen to Texas football since halftime of the OU game. Fuck this season. You guys want Kwiatkowski back? We'll put him on the first plane out of Austin. He's been an abject failure. I know that Texas doesn't have the greatest personnel at LB or S in the country, but they aren't 115th ranked defense or whatever the hell they are ranked, bad. Why did you guys like him so much? They don't even line up correctly or have any clue about situational football. I'm talking crazy shit, like the safeties playing bail coverage in short yardage situations in the red zone. It's mind numbingly stupid.
@haie
You can keep him Mitch -
And then there's this now....
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and what about these second half implosions?Mitch_Cumsteen said:@DerekJohnson
Honestly, I thought it was common knowledge about Banks, pole assassin and the monkey. The book on Banks was that he was a stud recruiter and his personal life was a train wreck. We knew that going in. Texas fans have been talking about it since before he got hired. I guess the monkey biting a kid brought it to the public's attention, but none of this is new information. In fact, months ago on surly we named our 2023 recruiting thread, "Monkeys, strippers and 5 stars." It should probably be renamed to, "Rabies shots, horrible PR and 3 star backup plans," with the way things are going.
Also, this is the first good thing to happen to Texas football since halftime of the OU game. Fuck this season. You guys want Kwiatkowski back? We'll put him on the first plane out of Austin. He's been an abject failure. I know that Texas doesn't have the greatest personnel at LB or S in the country, but they aren't 115th ranked defense or whatever the hell they are ranked, bad. Why did you guys like him so much? They don't even line up correctly or have any clue about situational football. I'm talking crazy shit, like the safeties playing bail coverage in short yardage situations in the red zone. It's mind numbingly stupid. -
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Goes without sayingFireCohen said:This stripper must be crazy good in bed
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Monkey needs to clean some things up and learn how to FINISH
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The kids were stemmingPostGameOrangeSlices said:Monkey needs to clean some things up and learn how to FINISH
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LOL.RaceBannon said:
lolMitch_Cumsteen said:@DerekJohnson
Honestly, I thought it was common knowledge about Banks, pole assassin and the monkey. The book on Banks was that he was a stud recruiter and his personal life was a train wreck. We knew that going in. Texas fans have been talking about it since before he got hired. I guess the monkey biting a kid brought it to the public's attention, but none of this is new information. In fact, months ago on surly we named our 2023 recruiting thread, "Monkeys, strippers and 5 stars." It should probably be renamed to, "Rabies shots, horrible PR and 3 star backup plans," with the way things are going.
Also, this is the first good thing to happen to Texas football since halftime of the OU game. Fuck this season. You guys want Kwiatkowski back? We'll put him on the first plane out of Austin. He's been an abject failure. I know that Texas doesn't have the greatest personnel at LB or S in the country, but they aren't 115th ranked defense or whatever the hell they are ranked, bad. Why did you guys like him so much? They don't even line up correctly or have any clue about situational football. I'm talking crazy shit, like the safeties playing bail coverage in short yardage situations in the red zone. It's mind numbingly stupid.
@haie
You can keep him Mitch
Yes, you were a complete doog if you pointed out K's numerous failures throughout his 7 years here. I'm not saying Lake was a god, but his defense took a massive burden in 2018 and still got the conference. In 2019 he took a step down but the offense was the weak link.
A hardcore poster here, like an OG (sorry if I can't remember your handle) said that he thought K was a dipshit in an in-person event and that the defense went a lot deeper than him.
Turns out he was right.
"Who I work with matters to me" Apparently K, it mattered to you that your boss allows you to get shit stomped in the second half of games. Most painful UW game in the last 10 years came from it in 2017.
Fuck you buddy.
Final shout out to @Tequilla for getting this completely wrong but not admitting to it, per usual. -
What about them? It's infuriating. We saw this with Herman and he got the nickname, "Turtle Tom." But Sark has taken it to a new level. I was at the Oklahoma game and it was brutal to watch live. Absolutely brutal. They should be 7-1 right now, instead they are on a three game skid, soon to be four against Iowa State on Saturday.DerekJohnson said:and what about these second half implosions?
People are pissed at the coaching, especially PK. The offense hasn't done them any favors by stalling out over and over again in the second halves, but they play this bend but don't break shit that keeps them on the field for too many plays, and then they are toast by the time the fourth quarter rolls around.
I really thought PK was a slam dunk hire. Maybe it's that Sark hired most of the defensive position coaches before him and he doesn't have his guys to teach his system, outside of Choate? Still, the other coaches have pretty stellar resumes with stops at other big time schools (Bama, ND, etc.). It's like PK left his brain in the PNW. Texas is getting gutted on simple inside and outside zone stuff. DTs don't penetrate, just hold up blocks (poorly) for our walk on LB and out of position safeties to miss the tackles.
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You should hire jimmy lake for your defensive coordinator. Word is he is the brains behind any success they had up here on that side of the ball.Mitch_Cumsteen said:
What about them? It's infuriating. We saw this with Herman and he got the nickname, "Turtle Tom." But Sark has taken it to a new level. I was at the Oklahoma game and it was brutal to watch live. Absolutely brutal. They should be 7-1 right now, instead they are on a three game skid, soon to be four against Iowa State on Saturday.DerekJohnson said:and what about these second half implosions?
People are pissed at the coaching, especially PK. The offense hasn't done them any favors by stalling out over and over again in the second halves, but they play this bend but don't break shit that keeps them on the field for too many plays, and then they are toast by the time the fourth quarter rolls around.
I really thought PK was a slam dunk hire. Maybe it's that Sark hired most of the defensive position coaches before him and he doesn't have his guys to teach his system, outside of Choate? Still, the other coaches have pretty stellar resumes with stops at other big time schools (Bama, ND, etc.). It's like PK left his brain in the PNW. Texas is getting gutted on simple inside and outside zone stuff. DTs don't penetrate, just hold up blocks (poorly) for our walk on LB and out of position safeties to miss the tackles.
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Welcome to Sark ball.Mitch_Cumsteen said:@DerekJohnson
Honestly, I thought it was common knowledge about Banks, pole assassin and the monkey. The book on Banks was that he was a stud recruiter and his personal life was a train wreck. We knew that going in. Texas fans have been talking about it since before he got hired. I guess the monkey biting a kid brought it to the public's attention, but none of this is new information. In fact, months ago on surly we named our 2023 recruiting thread, "Monkeys, strippers and 5 stars." It should probably be renamed to, "Rabies shots, horrible PR and 3 star backup plans," with the way things are going.
Also, this is the first good thing to happen to Texas football since halftime of the OU game. Fuck this season. You guys want Kwiatkowski back? We'll put him on the first plane out of Austin. He's been an abject failure. I know that Texas doesn't have the greatest personnel at LB or S in the country, but they aren't 115th ranked defense or whatever the hell they are ranked, bad. Why did you guys like him so much? They don't even line up correctly or have any clue about situational football. I'm talking crazy shit, like the safeties playing bail coverage in short yardage situations in the red zone. It's mind numbingly stupid. -
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Maybe Sark needs to have TWO Free Solo showings this week instead of just one. That will make all the difference, quite honestlyPostGameOrangeSlices said:Monkey needs to clean some things up and learn how to FINISH
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Petersen was all about complimentary football. Possess the ball, eat clock and don't gas your defense with a constant no huddle scheme. I've always said that Kwats philosophy of giving the opponent everything underneath and allowing them, with patience on their part, to drive between the twenties was never going to mesh with a coach who's most recent motto was "All gas no brakes.". Score fast, three and out fast! Either way, defense back on the field! This is why you get boat raced in the second half. Those 14,17, 20 play drives add up when you've only got 1:15 seconds to catch your breath. If Texas is running JonDons boring, slow and awful offense, you too could be averaging 22ppg and giving up 19. Either way, like UW you are 4-4.Mitch_Cumsteen said:
What about them? It's infuriating. We saw this with Herman and he got the nickname, "Turtle Tom." But Sark has taken it to a new level. I was at the Oklahoma game and it was brutal to watch live. Absolutely brutal. They should be 7-1 right now, instead they are on a three game skid, soon to be four against Iowa State on Saturday.DerekJohnson said:and what about these second half implosions?
People are pissed at the coaching, especially PK. The offense hasn't done them any favors by stalling out over and over again in the second halves, but they play this bend but don't break shit that keeps them on the field for too many plays, and then they are toast by the time the fourth quarter rolls around.
I really thought PK was a slam dunk hire. Maybe it's that Sark hired most of the defensive position coaches before him and he doesn't have his guys to teach his system, outside of Choate? Still, the other coaches have pretty stellar resumes with stops at other big time schools (Bama, ND, etc.). It's like PK left his brain in the PNW. Texas is getting gutted on simple inside and outside zone stuff. DTs don't penetrate, just hold up blocks (poorly) for our walk on LB and out of position safeties to miss the tackles.
https://youtu.be/CHb2XYeXcJI
