Announcement for the Bored (I hate myself so I am getting married)

Swaye said:

TurdBomber said:

1to392831weretaken said:

Alright. Well, from one retard who's already hit that figurative eject button, here's my biggest tip:

Once that baby's out, keep CLS the fuck away from Facebook and social media in general. That shit is designed in a lab to turn new mothers into competitive, overemotional monsters. Freaking squirrels have babies (and more at a time than humans at that), and yet Facebook convinces every new mother that "the miracle of birth" endows them with mythical hero status. And your alien-looking wiggling skin pile of a baby is the cutest thing on the planet and DEFINITELY already a genius because it pointed at that one thing that one time when the books say that shouldn't happen for another two weeks, but fuck Alice and her shit ugly baby that's too stupid to roll over yet.

Classics Board. Immediately. Fucking Bullseye.

Yeah, the shit people have laid down in this thread is hysterical. Certainly an all timer. Not moving it yet though because there might be more Facebook funsies or wedding advice nuggets I cannot live without.

Also, FRANNY!

Honeymooning in Maltby?

Houhusky said:

I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.

As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.

Makes me look not too bad in comparison.

Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house

Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme

Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.

Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.

Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.

Far easier.

I'm taping this to my bathroom mirror.

My son's, too.

Houhusky said:

I’m Surprised more of you idiots haven’t figured out that you can counter the women bullshit Facebook competitiveness with other things in the opposite direction.

As someone who is a fuckup at everything except fixing things around the house or cooking a steak I look like a fucking god compared to a lot of the degenerative fuckstick stories that get posted here. My wife has a username here just because I sent her enough links with a bunch of your stories/comments.

Makes me look not too bad in comparison.

Got caught flirting with her friend? well at least I didn’t have her friend on the sink at a friends house

Talk like an idiot about politics? At least I don’t sound like Hondo or Freeme

Get drunk and throw up in the Uber after a wedding party and got the car towed after leaving it illegally parked in front of a police station? Hey at least I didn’t drive our car 100 mph into a tree.

Same goes for TV, flip on something like 90 day fiancé or whatever trailer trash show on TLC is on and suddenly you are competent in comparison.

Humans only measure things relatively, don’t try and raise yourself up, just lower the perception of the bar.

Far easier.

I constantly share with Mrs. Courics shit from this site. It reinforces the idea that my slow strategy white lifestyle is the perfect match for stable and secure for a long term life.

Meanwhile I get my fix of living life dangerously by proxy of you degenerate fucks.

And enough Chins cannot be given for the reality trash tv recommendation to paint yourself in the light of the old gods.

As a 30 year old Mrs. Courics is still interested in MTV. But those reality shows are full of guys lying straight to every girl’s face just to fuck them and move on. But it’s on camera and we as viewers get to see every moment. I look like the greatest man who ever lived compared to these fucks.

But TLC, every reality show on that channel is full of complete fucking retards. 90 Day Fiancé, Love After Lockup, etc keep her entertained with a glass of wine and make me look like Einstein.

All told a slow strategy faithful husband who watches too much sports, drinks too much whiskey, and stalks teen bois looks like the greatest decision of her life.