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I get packages...
PurpleBaze
Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 30,021 
Was just sitting home this afternoon, minding my own business downing some Cheetos. I had done a couple of Uber rides between noon and 2 and was thinking I might head out again later and try to pick up a couple of more rides. Well, around 3:10 the doorbell rings. It's the mailman bearing a brown box that I have to sign for. What a great surprise I think. Someone went through the trouble of sending me registered mail. Of course, I sign for it and bring the box in.
I realize there's no return address on it, but it originated from Virginia.
I start getting a little nervous. Why is there no return address? What's in the box?
I start having strange thoughts. Maybe this is @Swaye trying to do me in. I know he, ummm, took care of a lot of terrorists in his day. So, maybe he's still keeping up the fight. Anyway, I don't see any oily stains on the box. Also, there are no wires or anything sticking out.
After giving it further thought, I figure what the hell. I have nothing to lose. I'm a bitchless, cuntless Uber driver and I've never carried out any kind of mission. Been a disappointment to the sleeper cell. Plus, if I get blown up by @Swaye it's no big deal. He wins. He always wins. If he didn't get me this time, he'd find a way to off me in the future. So, why live with the stress of knowing that I'm eventually going to be offed by the guy who beat Grandpa Race.
If I open the box, my whole block might end up like this:
But I don't care. I really don't like my neighbors anyway. Fuck those guys.
I open the box, which gives me a chance to keep up my skills with the box cutter.
So far, so good. No BOOM!
But wait, there's a smaller box inside.
I take it out and notice that there's a faint ticking sound coming from it. Great! Clearly a timing device has been activated. Curiosity gets the best of me as I really want to know what type of system is going to make me LEAVE for good.
I find this box. Clearly @Swaye is now taunting me with a Rolex flex as he's about to rid the world of the Kenmore sleeper cell.
I open the box only to find this.
Clearly, the noble savage likes toying with his prey by making him go through a lot of stress before the inevitable. Well, what the hell. Let's just end it all. It's been a good run and I doubt anyone is going to miss my 20000+ shitposts, especially PUP.
I crack the box open to find a 41mm blue dial Oyster Perpetual Datejust, one of the hardest to find watches right now.
It's a gift to myself made possible by the guidance and wisdom of the ultimate watch master, @Swaye. It is also a symbol of an unlikely friendship on the most wretched hive of scum an villainy on the internet. This watch has a story now and I won't get into the details of all that transpired in late August / early September and all the sexting between me and Swaye. That's no important right now.
All kidding aside, I'll leave you all with several more pictures of the watch.
Side-by-side with the Oris Aquis
It is very much stunning and feels really good on the wrist. The pictures don't do the watch justice.
Next step is to have the bracelet adjusted.
I realize there's no return address on it, but it originated from Virginia.
I start getting a little nervous. Why is there no return address? What's in the box?
I start having strange thoughts. Maybe this is @Swaye trying to do me in. I know he, ummm, took care of a lot of terrorists in his day. So, maybe he's still keeping up the fight. Anyway, I don't see any oily stains on the box. Also, there are no wires or anything sticking out.
After giving it further thought, I figure what the hell. I have nothing to lose. I'm a bitchless, cuntless Uber driver and I've never carried out any kind of mission. Been a disappointment to the sleeper cell. Plus, if I get blown up by @Swaye it's no big deal. He wins. He always wins. If he didn't get me this time, he'd find a way to off me in the future. So, why live with the stress of knowing that I'm eventually going to be offed by the guy who beat Grandpa Race.
If I open the box, my whole block might end up like this:
But I don't care. I really don't like my neighbors anyway. Fuck those guys.
I open the box, which gives me a chance to keep up my skills with the box cutter.
So far, so good. No BOOM!
But wait, there's a smaller box inside.
I take it out and notice that there's a faint ticking sound coming from it. Great! Clearly a timing device has been activated. Curiosity gets the best of me as I really want to know what type of system is going to make me LEAVE for good.
I find this box. Clearly @Swaye is now taunting me with a Rolex flex as he's about to rid the world of the Kenmore sleeper cell.
I open the box only to find this.
Clearly, the noble savage likes toying with his prey by making him go through a lot of stress before the inevitable. Well, what the hell. Let's just end it all. It's been a good run and I doubt anyone is going to miss my 20000+ shitposts, especially PUP.
I crack the box open to find a 41mm blue dial Oyster Perpetual Datejust, one of the hardest to find watches right now.
It's a gift to myself made possible by the guidance and wisdom of the ultimate watch master, @Swaye. It is also a symbol of an unlikely friendship on the most wretched hive of scum an villainy on the internet. This watch has a story now and I won't get into the details of all that transpired in late August / early September and all the sexting between me and Swaye. That's no important right now.
All kidding aside, I'll leave you all with several more pictures of the watch.
Side-by-side with the Oris Aquis
It is very much stunning and feels really good on the wrist. The pictures don't do the watch justice.
Next step is to have the bracelet adjusted.
Comments
Fuck you!!
I'll be sure to use the shitty G-Shock for the vest.
I laffed!
Disappointed.
WASHINGTON TRIBE BUYING ICONIC SNOQUALMIE FALLS FOR $125 MILLION