Have a Twatter handle that you currently use to feed your passion for teen boys? Considering starting to use your Twatter to check in on some high profile recruits? Thinking about signing up for Twitter to see what all the sweet teenaged fuss is about? Ready to finally have an answer to the question "What are YOU doing to get Sa'Vell Smalls??"
GREAT! As you've probably heard, Twatter can be a great resource for TBS'ers of all ages. And, done correctly, Twatting can even have a positive effect on UW's recruiting efforts. But beware! Done incorrectly, Twitter TBS'ing can actually hurt the school you love so dearly, not to mention expose just how unstable you truly are to the whole wide Twatter world.
Extreme caution is advised!
So, if you still want to venture into the worldwide web of interacting with gifted underage young men who you'd like to see represent your school of choice, here are six handy rules to remember. Note, that says rules, not principles or guidelines. RULES. As in don't break these you fucking idiot! Not once. Not ever. Not even for the recruit you wet dream about every night!
Cool. Let's begin.
Rule number one:
1. Register a burner account. Never use your real name. TBS Twitter will get weird and could get ugly. You'd have to be a complete moron to use your real identity for this. Get a handle somehow related to the school you are trying to represent.
2. Simply respond to what recruits are saying. They tweet an article they're featured in? Cool. Top 53 dropping next week? Great. Blessed to announce where I've committed, please respect my decision? Perfect.
Corollary 2a. Never start something with a recruit on your own. These are kids. You are not. Starting a conversation with them might seem like a great idea at first, and might even go well your first couple of times. But it will chinevitably go badly eventually and you'll come off like the creepy, needy, basement dwelling loser that we already know you are. That's fine here, that's what this place is for. This is a safe place. But don't expose that for the whole world to see on Twitter.
3. Gifs are your fren. The magic of gifs is they can paint a beautiful picture of the school you are repping without requiring you to formulate any words at all. Pictures are universal and transcend generational lines and moving pictures are always chinteresting. Gifs are the safest way for you to represent your school without saying anything you're going to regret. Don't get me wrong, gifs aren't foolproof and can do damage if you're particularly weird or unhinged. Start out by using gifs you've seen other TBS'ers post to rep your school. There are no poonts for creativity here.
4. Always be positive. Never offer a recruit constructive criticism, never tell him this other kid being recruited as his position can't compare to him, never say anything negative to a recruit about anyone for any reason. Things like "Great tape", and "You look great in team color x" are fine. When in doubt, use a gif.
4a. Negative recruiting is not allowed, not ever. I don't care if your teen boi crush puts out his final two and its down to you and this one other school that *CLEARLY* isn't in your team's stratosphere and how could any idiot even consider them on our level, you don't put the other school down. Not ever. I don't care if fans of the other school are putting your school down, you don't engage. You honor rule 4 above at all times and in all situations.
4b. If you choose to engage recruits via your Twatter handle your handle everything your handle does now represents that. EVERYTHING MATTERS. This means your hawt political takes, thoughts about the coaching staff and feelings about anything else now must be filtered by your TBS habit. I'm not saying you're not allowed to twat about anything not TBS related, I'm saying you must constantly be aware that whatever those twats are could be seen my recruits since you've chosen to engage them. Bashing the coaches is no longer allowed. Melting down during a game is not on the table. Ripping your least favorite current player is now verboten. Those things can be done, but they can no longer be done from that account.
5. Never slide into a young man's DM's for any reasons. This shouldn't even have to be said but apparently it does. You aren't that smart. Your filter isn't that strong. And your ability to control your emotions isn't what you think it is. You might think this is just a harmless teen boi crush but if you start interacting with these kids in private your crush can quickly escalate to an obsession and when that kid doesn't come to your school for whatever reason things will get ugly very quickly.
6. Remember you're not on the coaching staff and you don't speak for the coaches. Just because you think kid a is priority 1 for your school doesn't mean they are. Don't act like you know things you don't know.
This list is binding and unbreakable. If you choose to interact with recruits on Twitter you are consenting to abide by these common sense and completely reasonable expectations.
While the list is binding and unbreakable it is not necessarily exhaustive. New rules can and will be added as new ways to TBS poorly on Twatter emerge.
Good luck and don't fuck this up for us you obsessive compulsive man of questionable hobbies!
To use your advice of using a gif instead of trying to formulate words, I think what you’re trying to tell TBSers is:
I laffed when you said this is a safe place.
5.3 edit to @CFetters_Nacho_Lover
If that was a chintentional reference fucking amazing. If not, still hilarious.