I got a bullseye during archery time in 6th grade outdoor school but they forgot to add my name to the list of people who were supposed to get a reward. But I know, I know.
As a (white) 17 year old HS senior who was 5'10" and 135 lbs, I could jump and hang from the rim with two hands. One-handed I could dunk a mini-ball. I guess that's not really in an athletic competition, though.
Most recent feat was adding a dodge ball league championship to my wall. Caught a heater from the guy who was our HS Qb back in the day to get him out and spur us on to victory.
Went down to Portland to watch the Crapple Cup and Shriveldick War with a buddy who went to grad school at UO. Stopped by John's--a sweet beer store--beforehand to stock up. I ended up with a 3-liter of Double Bastard. Went out to play 3-on-3 street ball at halftime of the AC. Brought our beers out with us. I started the game right in that sweet spot of drunk where you're still somewhat coordinated but irrationally confident. And I just couldn't miss. I even threw a shot over my shoulder from the top of the key while being hard-fouled by a friend I had beaten off the dribble (no IMA zone in this game), and it banked in. We played from halftime of the AC to halftime of the CW, switching teams between games, and my team dominated every game. All this while completely finishing 3 liters of 11% barleywine and shooting something like 80% and dribbling circles around everybody.
I've tried duplicating this feat at least a dozen times, but it always ends up looking like this:
I had thought I'd discovered the magic solution to being instantly good at basketball (being stupid drunk), but apparently it only works once. A truly scientific study would require a larger control group, though, so I suggest you guys all go out and try it.
Some guys in High School started a mild tackle football session with some girls. I think they felt it would be a good opportunity to flirt. Anyway, I ran the ball up the middle and a girl lit me up. Hit me on the hip right when I was planting and I went down fast. 2nd biggest hit I ever received, in football.
Last weekend I hit the game winning 3 in pickup but I didn't know what the score was because I don't speak Chinese so I took the ball back and hit the center in the back of the head as he was turning to walk towards his stuff.
Playing Garfield, we were pushing the shit in, and the coach finally put me in. Qb threw a quick screen and I was all over that shit knocking the WR down and dislodging the ball.
All the way back to the huddle I was helmet to helmet telling this guy he sucked ass. Coach pulled my ass immediately.
Fuck you Tim Tramp.
Funny thing was I had froze and didn’t know what to do for a second. Had I jumped the route it would’ve been an easy pick six and you would all know my name because I would’ve been an nfl player, made my millions, and retired by now with my hot ass adidas wearing wife.
district championship vs Bainbridge Island and I'm playing Left . Close game late and they had a little lefty come to the plate with runners on. Sure enough the little fucker flairs one and I dive and make a game saving catch for the 3rd out. We go on to win.
I actually hit a sprinkler patch and sand flew in my face. Umpire never saw it roll out of my glove.
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Most recent feat was adding a dodge ball league championship to my wall. Caught a heater from the guy who was our HS Qb back in the day to get him out and spur us on to victory.
I've tried duplicating this feat at least a dozen times, but it always ends up looking like this:
I had thought I'd discovered the magic solution to being instantly good at basketball (being stupid drunk), but apparently it only works once. A truly scientific study would require a larger control group, though, so I suggest you guys all go out and try it.
IM Flag football MVP MVP MVP MVP MVP MVP MVP MVP!
My Disaster: Took part in Mariner pop fly contest when I was 9 at the Kingdome. 3 catches would have sent me to Disney land. I caught ZERO.
All the way back to the huddle I was helmet to helmet telling this guy he sucked ass. Coach pulled my ass immediately.
Fuck you Tim Tramp.
Funny thing was I had froze and didn’t know what to do for a second. Had I jumped the route it would’ve been an easy pick six and you would all know my name because I would’ve been an nfl player, made my millions, and retired by now with my hot ass adidas wearing wife.
FML
I actually hit a sprinkler patch and sand flew in my face. Umpire never saw it roll out of my glove.
We lost next round anyway.