All You Can Do is Laugh

pawz

Lots of TMI, but, what the fuck … story tim

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So about a month before I restarted treatment i noticed that one of the twin man-parts was 3x the size of the other. Basically a large grape vs an egg. (Not all of us start out like Bazey. @PurpleBaze)

The @EsophagealFeces Metastasis left another growing tumor on the psoas muscle. Basically the psoas attaches to the lower three vertebrae and more or less runs through the pelvic basket and the hip. This muscle literally helps keep you standing up-right. The major pain point is in the lower right hip, next door to the swole testi. Naturally concerning.

As it happens, my landlord is a retired urologist. The next time I see him I ask about the anatomical concern.

"Do you want me to look at it?"

Brainfreeze.

AAaaaaahhhhhhhh ………… "Yes."

"I'll be back after i eat lunch and get gloves."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, sir."

I don't know what the fuck I was thinking — not clearly — but totally caught off-guard that he would offer to do an exam. But what the fuck, nothing I would rather see more than to cut administration out of Medicine.

He comes back. Thankfully the exam is quick, ending with the obligatory cough.

"It's probably just hydrocele (a usually innocuous build up of fluid), but given your history, you need to get an ultra-sound to confirm any malignancy".

Great.

I now understand why he is so popular in the wealthy enclave I live. Emasculating to be sure, he's had everybody's balls in his hands.

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Fast forward to the day of the ultrasound.

Of course.

Hot, early 30s Thai chick is the nurse giving the exam. I couldn't have drawn it up any better.

I control myself for the good of the order, but still … FMFYFE

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Thankfully, the ultrasound comes back negative. No malignancy.

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Yesterday, I meet with the Oncologist and finally have a chance to fully debrief the above. He wants to address the hydrocele.

"Look, the Urologist told me after the ultrasound, if there is no pain you don't need to worry about it. I'm not going to worry about it."

"Ok. Sounds good"

"But I did call my brother who does Landlord / Tenant Law"

"What?"

"My brother does Landlord / Tenant Law. I want to see what he would say when I tell him 'my landlord grabbed me by the balls' "

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Big belly laughs in the Onco office.

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EsophagealFeces

Free pub and a hardy har har!

PurpleBaze