The People vs Jonathan Smith
You stand here today accused of high treason, plotting to be a Beaver troll trying to make UW coaches look bad, and even promoting mass doogery. Today, we shall determine the truth and if need be, serve just and quick punishment to you and any auxiliary party involved. May I please call the defense to the stand?
"Your honor, this is a man placed in an impossible situation. He inherited a sniveling, pussy-armed neanderthal at QB in Cyler Miles. Who could have succeeded with that guy at QB? His OL was in tatters, his only WRs worth a shit (Ross and String) either couldn't stay healthy or were unceremoniously kicked off the team because of the actions of a bunch of fucking 12s! While I freely admit he hasn't exactly been a Chip Kelly (blatant homosexuality notwithstanding), he's scrapped together a tough group of kids from the pile of misfit toys. 2015 season ended with all signs trending upwards. He developed Gaskin into an all world back. Browning looked a thousand times better in the bowl game than he did week 1. Aren't we going to let Smith get his own guys in there and see what he can do? 2016 will be special for the offense."
The defense rests. Thank you Mr. Fleenor. I shall now call the prosecution to the stand.
"Your honor, the fact that the case has even proceeded this far is intellectually insulting. The man had no qualifications for the job. We took a risk and said 'trust in Pete, he knows best.' The result? Two dead last offensive finishes in the conference. Even an average offense probably nets our beloved Washington Huskies no worse than 2nd in the conference in 2015. I cede that Gaskin developed nicely, but I would argue it was in spite of, and not because of, Jonathan Smith. With a roster better suited towards running than anything else, Smith insisted on throwing the rock to our shit, midget WRs and not committing to a strong running game until the season was effectively already over. I acknowledge his talent hasn't been near the top of the conference, but I'll be a dead whore in North Bend before I say it was bottom of the conference either! He has proven time and time again his incompetence, and I move to have him summarily executed with extreme prejudice."
Thank you, Ted, for your statements. The jury will now convene and then come to a vote to decide Smith's fate.
The People vs Jonathan Smith 55 votes
48 votes
7 votes
Comments
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Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]If this were Scottish law, there'd be a third verdict "not proven" which would roughly translate to "he needs more time" for all intensive purposes.
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Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]Classics. Shit. Bored. Belongs.
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Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]
Scottish law superiority guy...whatshouldicareabout said:If this were Scottish law, there'd be a third verdict "not proven" which would roughly translate to "he needs more time" for all intensive purposes.
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Fire the motherfucker who hired him and hasn't realized yet that he sucks and needs to be fired. 2 birds. 1 stone. Missed our shot at Chip.
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I love off season poasts.
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Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]I admit, I was in the 'wait and see' mode until that Oregon game. Those last few minutes of the game proved to me that he has no idea how to handle in-game situations. He should have been fired after that game. He was so strict in sticking to his script that he gave us no chance of winning. Even worse was that after the game he was legitimately confused why people were questioning the offense towards the end of he game.
I think we'll get to the point to where we'll scheme well, but he's a guy that doesn't know how to make any sort of important in-game decisions. Unless it's a blowout in our favor, I don't like our chances to win the game.
It's the main reason we lost every close game, IMO. -
Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]Bubble screens, 7 carries a game for our gaskin, backup QBs a fucking joke. Lenius is a pussy.
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Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]
Too much lynching imagery and racist crap, but still an excellent effort.Gladstone said:Jonathan SmithFS,
You stand here today accused of high treason, plotting to be a Beaver troll trying to make UW coaches look bad, and even promoting mass doogery. Today, we shall determine the truth and if need be, serve just and quick punishment to you and any auxiliary party involved. May I please call the defense to the stand?
"Your honor, this is a man placed in an impossible situation. He inherited a sniveling, pussy-armed neanderthal at QB in Cyler Miles. Who could have succeeded with that guy at QB? His OL was in tatters, his only WRs worth a shit (Ross and String) either couldn't stay healthy or were unceremoniously kicked off the team because of the actions of a bunch of fucking 12s! While I freely admit he hasn't exactly been a Chip Kelly (blatant homosexuality notwithstanding), he's scrapped together a tough group of kids from the pile of misfit toys. 2015 season ended with all signs trending upwards. He developed Gaskin into an all world back. Browning looked a thousand times better in the bowl game than he did week 1. Aren't we going to let Smith get his own guys in there and see what he can do? 2016 will be special for the offense."
The defense rests. Thank you Mr. Fleenor. I shall now call the prosecution to the stand.
"Your honor, the fact that the case has even proceeded this far is intellectually insulting. The man had no qualifications for the job. We took a risk and said 'trust in Pete, he knows best.' The result? Two dead last offensive finishes in the conference. Even an average offense probably nets our beloved Washington Huskies no worse than 2nd in the conference in 2015. I cede that Gaskin developed nicely, but I would argue it was in spite of, and not because of, Jonathan Smith. With a roster better suited towards running than anything else, Smith insisted on throwing the rock to our shit, midget WRs and not committing to a strong running game until the season was effectively already over. I acknowledge his talent hasn't been near the top of the conference, but I'll be a dead whore in North Bend before I say it was bottom of the conference either! He has proven time and time again his incompetence, and I move to have him summarily executed with extreme prejudice."
Thank you, Ted, for your statements. The jury will now convene and then come to a vote to decide Smith's fate. -
Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]
YVBFEGladstone said:Jonathan SmithFS,
You stand here today accused of high treason, plotting to be a Beaver troll trying to make UW coaches look bad, and even promoting mass doogery. Today, we shall determine the truth and if need be, serve just and quick punishment to you and any auxiliary party involved. May I please call the defense to the stand?
"Your honor, this is a man placed in an impossible situation. He inherited a sniveling, pussy-armed neanderthal at QB in Cyler Miles. Who could have succeeded with that guy at QB? His OL was in tatters, his only WRs worth a shit (Ross and String) either couldn't stay healthy or were unceremoniously kicked off the team because of the actions of a bunch of fucking 12s! While I freely admit he hasn't exactly been a Chip Kelly (blatant homosexuality notwithstanding), he's scrapped together a tough group of kids from the pile of misfit toys. 2015 season ended with all signs trending upwards. He developed Gaskin into an all world back. Browning looked a thousand times better in the bowl game than he did week 1. Aren't we going to let Smith get his own guys in there and see what he can do? 2016 will be special for the offense."
The defense rests. Thank you Mr. Fleenor. I shall now call the prosecution to the stand.
"Your honor, the fact that the case has even proceeded this far is intellectually insulting. The man had no qualifications for the job. We took a risk and said 'trust in Pete, he knows best.' The result? Two dead last offensive finishes in the conference. Even an average offense probably nets our beloved Washington Huskies no worse than 2nd in the conference in 2015. I cede that Gaskin developed nicely, but I would argue it was in spite of, and not because of, Jonathan Smith. With a roster better suited towards running than anything else, Smith insisted on throwing the rock to our shit, midget WRs and not committing to a strong running game until the season was effectively already over. I acknowledge his talent hasn't been near the top of the conference, but I'll be a dead whore in North Bend before I say it was bottom of the conference either! He has proven time and time again his incompetence, and I move to have him summarily executed with extreme prejudice."
Thank you, Ted, for your statements. The jury will now convene and then come to a vote to decide Smith's fate. -
Pa, get mah' lynchin rope! No one dodges the hangman in my city! [Fire Him]
I was disappointed with lack of reference to rape culture.EsophagealFeces said:
Too much lynching imagery and racist crap, but still an excellent effort.
