My daughter moved up to Premiere soccer this year, but my son's not going anywhere with it, so he's still Select. Both kids have been playing Select since the league was resurrected in 2019 or so, so my wife has gotten pretty involved and is pretty much the parent advisory board at this point. For a couple of years, there was another woman on the advisory board—we'll call her Karen—who is one of these insane, Type-A, super energetic types that are great to have on your side. She would use her connections to get tickets to events for the kids, fundraise, etc.
On the Premiere side, the number of teams is dictated by age and roster size. The Premiere club (the Rangers) has a charter with Whatcom County Soccer and is ultimately governed by the WCS board of directors. Their charter dictates the maximum number of teams they can have per age group. When the kids are younger and playing 7v7, there are a maximum of four teams. When they're a bit older and playing 9v9, it's three teams per age group. At 11v11 (12-13 years old and up), it's two teams.
At tryouts for the oldest 9v9 team a year ago, the coaches saw that there was a really big turnout, so they told the parents (without asking first) that they were going to start a fourth team that year. Karen's son made that fourth team. As a hyperactive member of the select board, she thought this was shitty and would destroy the Select program at that age, so she declined and kept her son in Select. Put a pin in this, because Karen starts this story as the leading critic of the Rangers violating their charter to add teams without permission.
A few weeks later, it became clear that she was right. Her son's Select team was decimated by the Rangers taking all of the players at that age, they weren't going to win a single game, so she got her son back onto that fourth Rangers team. Stayed on the Select board, though, still continuing to do some good things for the club, albeit tapering off her involvement.
Fast forward to the 2024 season. Those boys would be moving up to 11v11, so the Rangers' charter is for two teams. They formally requested a third, and when the WCS board and president looked at the overall numbers, they saw that there would be enough for three teams of Premiere and still have a viable Select team, so they granted it.
Day of the tryouts, dumbass coach does it again. Tells the parents that the turnout was so big that they'd probably have four teams again. Now, this is a step up, so roster size jumps from about 13 kids to about 17. So they'd be taking even MORE kids than the previous year. The Select team would be insanely noncompetitive. The WCS president told the Rangers no…
…and that's where the shitstorm began.
The thing about Karens is they're great to have on your side because they get things done through force of will. They've lived a whole life without being told "no," so they don't accept that as an answer. The problem with having a Karen on your side is woe be to you if you ever cross her.
To review the math, because roster sizes grow as number of teams shrink, we're talking about SIX seventh graders not making a Premiere soccer team and having to play select. Keep in mind that what follows is over six fucking boys not getting to play in a league they're not good enough for. Six. This is not an event that would rank in the top ten of global issues…
Karen goes ballistic. She provides every parent of a player on that hypothetical fourth team the email address of every member of the WCS board and requests that they spam the hell out of them.
She creates a Facebook page called, "Let Our Kids Play Soccer" or some shit like that, full of pictures of cute little kids (that aren't even old enough to play Premiere and have shirts on for YMCA ball and whatnot) all over it, with videos of the six shitty kids that got cut giving puppy eyes and pleading to "let them play." Every post on the group page is a master class in manipulative messaging. They advertise this page to the whole club and get a whole bunch of parents that only heard half the story spreading the word.
She sends a super bitchy text to every member of the Select board (she blamed the Select program for some reason, even though they didn't have anything to do with the decision), my wife included, announcing her resignation from the board. In this text, she claimed that she's a "good person" and therefore can't be associated with a program that robs amazing soccer players of their God given right to play. Pro tip: If you have to tell people you're a good person, you doth protest too much.
She and another coach/parent go on local morning radio at least five times, lying her ass off about the situation and framing it in a way that the evil WCS board "took" their fourth team away (as opposed to "granted" them a third team). This riles up a ton of people of in the community and really stokes the anger at the poor WCS board that was just doing their job. More emails and calls flood in to them. A lot of parents with nothing to do with the situation start demanding resignations. It turns out local morning radio isn't dead, as my wife had tons of people asking her about this travesty they learned about on the radio.
And the coup de grace: These ridiculous Karens start a fucking change.org petition to, I guess, convince the federal government to step in!?…
My wife and the Select league president had a to man a recruitment booth during a rec Saturday at the fields. It was just the two of them, a banner, a stack of fliers. The Select league needed numbers, particularly on the girls side. The Karens set up a popup tent right next to their booth, intercepting anybody that might be interested in signing their kid up for Select. Compared to the Select setup, it was like a carnival. Banners, a stack of pizzas, gallons of coffee, donuts, and at least a half-dozen people with clipboards with petitions. Naturally, a ton of people walked by and asked, "What's this about?" The response was always something like, "Please sign this petition to save our kids' soccer team!" Meanwhile, the boys that got cut were running all over the facility either tearing down the Select league recruitment fliers or stapling their cry for help up over them. They stood right next to the Select table and bragged about it to each other. Good People raising future Good People.
This went on for like a month. Perhaps for the first time in her life, Karen didn't get her way. So she fucking started a new competing Premiere club that plays in a rival league! It advertises providing a place to play for ALL kids that are interested. Good luck getting ass-blasted if you're unwilling to cut kids that suck…
The thing about Karens is they're great to have on your side because they get things done through force of will. They've lived a whole life without being told "no," so they don't accept that as an answer. The problem with having a Karen on your side is woe be to you if you ever cross her.
Toward the end of our time in youth sports, the bad so far outweighed the good that it wasn't worth it at all. Better for things to not get done, or get done late, than have to deal with all that shit. Go home and make brownies or something. Leave the sports talk to the men. @Doog_de_Jour
Although I have to admit that my story centered around a man. That guy was a massive Karen and completely conflated his status as a MS executive with getting his way with his kids. Sports is one of the few relatively safe spaces (SWIDT?) where merit rules the day. So, like a fantastic generational two-way player playing for a despised head coach still wins the sports highest honor due to his play, not his coach's social status. (SWIDT?) Anyway, that guy was worse than any Karen I've ever seen, up close or from a distance. It was like taking the worst female Karen ever, putting balls between her legs and a gallon of testosterone, and what you get is a fucking a Zeus Karen. Nightmare.
I feel for you man. Glad I'm on the other side of it, though I loved watching my kids compete.
you are the nicest fucking guy on this bored and I won’t stand for this… please kindly text me her number so I can properly handle this. I also promise to only send you dick pics when the dwags win. Better hurry, we have a frosted flake bowl game coming up.
fuck the kids, seriously. I think I went off on shitty kids in another completely unrelated thread so I’m glad it’s here so I don’t have to force something in awkwardly again.
I’ve coached a whole bunch for my kids to the point that in one of the leagues they’d give me a massive discount as I’d coach 3 teams every Saturday. This was in FL. Did a little coaching in TX but not as much. Decided to dust off the all white new balances this year and doubt I’ll do it ever again.
Kids are so fucking rude, disrespectful, and don’t listen. Parents are fucking worthless except the few that thank me and offer to buy me a drink because they see how fucking awful it is.
Told TOF this is likely it as even one of the kids are the twins u-10 team talked back to me.
I lost games because I sat kids because they couldn’t keep their mouths shut and or they didn’t think they needed to listen to me.
Coached a bunch of rag tags to the championship last time I coached. Had more talent with this last team but these little cock suckers wouldn’t shut the fuck up or listen.
I quit coaching about 6 or 7 years ago. Baseball for 12 years, a few of soccer and a few of hoops. My only regrets are the times I went against what I knew was right in order to avoid issues with sad kids and pissed off parents. I also catered to a couple of assistant coaches and their shitty little dork sons and kick myself for those incidents. I should've told Dad and brat to fuck off a few times.
I definitely told this parent to shut the fuck up. Walked across the field mid game and explained to him that this wasn’t the pros, college, or even HS. Reminded him that we were playing in a participation league. I expected a fight, he said “your right” and went and sat down not to be heard from again. He actually came up after the game and apologized to myself and the ref. I thanked him for letting men talk to each other like men. Then we had beers and did a circle jerk.
The Throbber coached for years. Not quite Bobby Knight but didn’t spare much trying to make them better either.
It was the parents who caused retirement. Got tired of dealing with the moms of 5’’3” freshmen who swore I was causing their kids lose their shot at a D-1 schollie by playing 6’5” and 6’6” kids instead. Their fifth grade AAU champ brains just couldn’t grasp genetics.
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I do not agree to disagree
My Tequillla-long crazy sports parent story:
My daughter moved up to Premiere soccer this year, but my son's not going anywhere with it, so he's still Select. Both kids have been playing Select since the league was resurrected in 2019 or so, so my wife has gotten pretty involved and is pretty much the parent advisory board at this point. For a couple of years, there was another woman on the advisory board—we'll call her Karen—who is one of these insane, Type-A, super energetic types that are great to have on your side. She would use her connections to get tickets to events for the kids, fundraise, etc.
On the Premiere side, the number of teams is dictated by age and roster size. The Premiere club (the Rangers) has a charter with Whatcom County Soccer and is ultimately governed by the WCS board of directors. Their charter dictates the maximum number of teams they can have per age group. When the kids are younger and playing 7v7, there are a maximum of four teams. When they're a bit older and playing 9v9, it's three teams per age group. At 11v11 (12-13 years old and up), it's two teams.
At tryouts for the oldest 9v9 team a year ago, the coaches saw that there was a really big turnout, so they told the parents (without asking first) that they were going to start a fourth team that year. Karen's son made that fourth team. As a hyperactive member of the select board, she thought this was shitty and would destroy the Select program at that age, so she declined and kept her son in Select. Put a pin in this, because Karen starts this story as the leading critic of the Rangers violating their charter to add teams without permission.
A few weeks later, it became clear that she was right. Her son's Select team was decimated by the Rangers taking all of the players at that age, they weren't going to win a single game, so she got her son back onto that fourth Rangers team. Stayed on the Select board, though, still continuing to do some good things for the club, albeit tapering off her involvement.
Fast forward to the 2024 season. Those boys would be moving up to 11v11, so the Rangers' charter is for two teams. They formally requested a third, and when the WCS board and president looked at the overall numbers, they saw that there would be enough for three teams of Premiere and still have a viable Select team, so they granted it.
Day of the tryouts, dumbass coach does it again. Tells the parents that the turnout was so big that they'd probably have four teams again. Now, this is a step up, so roster size jumps from about 13 kids to about 17. So they'd be taking even MORE kids than the previous year. The Select team would be insanely noncompetitive. The WCS president told the Rangers no…
…and that's where the shitstorm began.
The thing about Karens is they're great to have on your side because they get things done through force of will. They've lived a whole life without being told "no," so they don't accept that as an answer. The problem with having a Karen on your side is woe be to you if you ever cross her.
To review the math, because roster sizes grow as number of teams shrink, we're talking about SIX seventh graders not making a Premiere soccer team and having to play select. Keep in mind that what follows is over six fucking boys not getting to play in a league they're not good enough for. Six. This is not an event that would rank in the top ten of global issues…
Karen goes ballistic. She provides every parent of a player on that hypothetical fourth team the email address of every member of the WCS board and requests that they spam the hell out of them.
She creates a Facebook page called, "Let Our Kids Play Soccer" or some shit like that, full of pictures of cute little kids (that aren't even old enough to play Premiere and have shirts on for YMCA ball and whatnot) all over it, with videos of the six shitty kids that got cut giving puppy eyes and pleading to "let them play." Every post on the group page is a master class in manipulative messaging. They advertise this page to the whole club and get a whole bunch of parents that only heard half the story spreading the word.
She sends a super bitchy text to every member of the Select board (she blamed the Select program for some reason, even though they didn't have anything to do with the decision), my wife included, announcing her resignation from the board. In this text, she claimed that she's a "good person" and therefore can't be associated with a program that robs amazing soccer players of their God given right to play. Pro tip: If you have to tell people you're a good person, you doth protest too much.
She and another coach/parent go on local morning radio at least five times, lying her ass off about the situation and framing it in a way that the evil WCS board "took" their fourth team away (as opposed to "granted" them a third team). This riles up a ton of people of in the community and really stokes the anger at the poor WCS board that was just doing their job. More emails and calls flood in to them. A lot of parents with nothing to do with the situation start demanding resignations. It turns out local morning radio isn't dead, as my wife had tons of people asking her about this travesty they learned about on the radio.
And the coup de grace: These ridiculous Karens start a fucking change.org petition to, I guess, convince the federal government to step in!?…
My wife and the Select league president had a to man a recruitment booth during a rec Saturday at the fields. It was just the two of them, a banner, a stack of fliers. The Select league needed numbers, particularly on the girls side. The Karens set up a popup tent right next to their booth, intercepting anybody that might be interested in signing their kid up for Select. Compared to the Select setup, it was like a carnival. Banners, a stack of pizzas, gallons of coffee, donuts, and at least a half-dozen people with clipboards with petitions. Naturally, a ton of people walked by and asked, "What's this about?" The response was always something like, "Please sign this petition to save our kids' soccer team!" Meanwhile, the boys that got cut were running all over the facility either tearing down the Select league recruitment fliers or stapling their cry for help up over them. They stood right next to the Select table and bragged about it to each other. Good People raising future Good People.
This went on for like a month. Perhaps for the first time in her life, Karen didn't get her way. So she fucking started a new competing Premiere club that plays in a rival league! It advertises providing a place to play for ALL kids that are interested. Good luck getting ass-blasted if you're unwilling to cut kids that suck…
Holy fuckall!
You’re right, Tequilla long.
Somehow, soccer is even gayer than I thought it could be.
The thing about Karens is they're great to have on your side because they get things done through force of will. They've lived a whole life without being told "no," so they don't accept that as an answer. The problem with having a Karen on your side is woe be to you if you ever cross her.
Toward the end of our time in youth sports, the bad so far outweighed the good that it wasn't worth it at all. Better for things to not get done, or get done late, than have to deal with all that shit. Go home and make brownies or something. Leave the sports talk to the men. @Doog_de_Jour
Although I have to admit that my story centered around a man. That guy was a massive Karen and completely conflated his status as a MS executive with getting his way with his kids. Sports is one of the few relatively safe spaces (SWIDT?) where merit rules the day. So, like a fantastic generational two-way player playing for a despised head coach still wins the sports highest honor due to his play, not his coach's social status. (SWIDT?) Anyway, that guy was worse than any Karen I've ever seen, up close or from a distance. It was like taking the worst female Karen ever, putting balls between her legs and a gallon of testosterone, and what you get is a fucking a Zeus Karen. Nightmare.
I feel for you man. Glad I'm on the other side of it, though I loved watching my kids compete.
you are the nicest fucking guy on this bored and I won’t stand for this… please kindly text me her number so I can properly handle this. I also promise to only send you dick pics when the dwags win. Better hurry, we have a frosted flake bowl game coming up.
fuck the kids, seriously. I think I went off on shitty kids in another completely unrelated thread so I’m glad it’s here so I don’t have to force something in awkwardly again.
I’ve coached a whole bunch for my kids to the point that in one of the leagues they’d give me a massive discount as I’d coach 3 teams every Saturday. This was in FL. Did a little coaching in TX but not as much. Decided to dust off the all white new balances this year and doubt I’ll do it ever again.
Kids are so fucking rude, disrespectful, and don’t listen. Parents are fucking worthless except the few that thank me and offer to buy me a drink because they see how fucking awful it is.
Told TOF this is likely it as even one of the kids are the twins u-10 team talked back to me.
I lost games because I sat kids because they couldn’t keep their mouths shut and or they didn’t think they needed to listen to me.
Coached a bunch of rag tags to the championship last time I coached. Had more talent with this last team but these little cock suckers wouldn’t shut the fuck up or listen.
Fuck the kids.
I quit coaching about 6 or 7 years ago. Baseball for 12 years, a few of soccer and a few of hoops. My only regrets are the times I went against what I knew was right in order to avoid issues with sad kids and pissed off parents. I also catered to a couple of assistant coaches and their shitty little dork sons and kick myself for those incidents. I should've told Dad and brat to fuck off a few times.
I definitely told this parent to shut the fuck up. Walked across the field mid game and explained to him that this wasn’t the pros, college, or even HS. Reminded him that we were playing in a participation league. I expected a fight, he said “your right” and went and sat down not to be heard from again. He actually came up after the game and apologized to myself and the ref. I thanked him for letting men talk to each other like men. Then we had beers and did a circle jerk.
The Throbber coached for years. Not quite Bobby Knight but didn’t spare much trying to make them better either.
It was the parents who caused retirement. Got tired of dealing with the moms of 5’’3” freshmen who swore I was causing their kids lose their shot at a D-1 schollie by playing 6’5” and 6’6” kids instead. Their fifth grade AAU champ brains just couldn’t grasp genetics.
"It's not about the money"
racism