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Dear God

Hi, it's me. Fenderbender. Fenderbender123, actually...because Fenderbender 1 through 122 were taken. I'm sure you already knew that, though.

I haven't prayed to you in a while. Not since I bet $40 on the roulette table and begged you to make the marble land on red. Thank you for that, by the way. I used that extra $40 to buy all my friends some Taco Bell on the way home from the casino. Have you ever tried their Crunchwrap Supreme? I'd give it a solid 7.8/10. You'd love it. Won't drain your bank account, either.

Look...I don't ask a lot from you. So hopefully you can help me out...not just me, but millions (if not billions) of Washington Husky fans throughout the world. You see, our head coach is a prime candidate for other coaching positions. It isn't just the vacant positions in college football, but the NFL as well. "The NFL? Really?" you might ask. Just trust me on this one, God. It's not that he'd be anyone's first choice, but there are 8 head coaching positions that have opened up in the NFL. That factors into the equation. It means there will be even more college football vacancies. Trust me. I know math. Even more than @RoadDawg55.

So if you could please, PLEASE, use your God powers to force DeBoer to stay at Washington, I promise I'll go to church at least twice in the next 6 months. That's a huge improvement over not going at all my entire life. If I don't go, you can banish me to hell for all eternity.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Yours Truly,

Fenderbender123
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Comments

  • CallMeBigErn
    CallMeBigErn Member Posts: 8,028
    I propose we start a GoFundMe to help get this ball rollin'. The Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supremes were way better and need to be returned to the menu.
  • LoneStarDawg
    LoneStarDawg Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 13,681 Founders Club
    Job believed in God too
  • Canadawg
    Canadawg Member Posts: 5,350

    Job believed in God too

    Job 42:10

    After Job had prayed for his companions, Jehovah removed Job’s tribulation and restored his prosperity. Jehovah gave him double what he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and all his former friends came to him and ate a meal with him in his house. They sympathized with him and comforted him over all the calamity that Jehovah had allowed to come upon him. Each of them gave him a piece of money and a gold ring. 12 So Jehovah blessed the last part of Job’s life more than the beginning, and Job came to have 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 pairs of cattle, and 1,000 female donkeys. 13 He also came to have seven more sons and three more daughters. 14 He named the first daughter Je·miʹmah, the second Ke·ziʹah, and the third Kerʹen-hapʹpuch. 15 No women in all the land were as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father gave them an inheritance along with their brothers. 16 After this Job lived for 140 years, and he saw his children and his grandchildren—four generations. 17 Finally Job died, after a long and satisfying life.
  • Fishpo31
    Fishpo31 Member Posts: 2,642
  • Canadawg
    Canadawg Member Posts: 5,350

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    Wdym?
  • Joey
    Joey Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 7,284 Founders Club

    As it turned out God is a Michigan man

    *Meechigan
  • CallMeBigErn
    CallMeBigErn Member Posts: 8,028
    edited January 2024

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    Good. Don't let a good story get in the way of the facts. That ain't tug-worthy.
  • EsophagealFeces
    EsophagealFeces Member Posts: 13,169

    As it turned out God is a Michigan man

    *Meechigan
    Meatchicken
  • Canadawg
    Canadawg Member Posts: 5,350

    Canadawg said:

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    Wdym?
    God tortures some idiot who believes in him, kills his family, all because Satan made a fucking bet with him

    At the end of the story, Job gets a new family like it was all worth it

    Retarded stories for retards
    God didn't do any torturing. Satan did. Family part is definitely harsh. Bibles all about life after life though so youd imagine that was on the table for them
  • PostGameOrangeSlices
    PostGameOrangeSlices Member Posts: 27,217
    edited January 2024
    Canadawg said:

    Canadawg said:

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    Wdym?
    God tortures some idiot who believes in him, kills his family, all because Satan made a fucking bet with him

    At the end of the story, Job gets a new family like it was all worth it

    Retarded stories for retards
    God didn't do any torturing. Satan did. Family part is definitely harsh. Bibles all about life after life though so youd imagine that was on the table for them
    God gave Satan the tumbs up to try and test Job's faith by torturing him. Very nice of REAL god. By the way, isn't GOD also omniscient and all knowing, so the whole exercise was unnecessary except for sadism?

    makes sense? religion sense

    shit does not hold up to scrutiny but some like the nostalgia aspect.
  • DoogmanRefund
    DoogmanRefund Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 1,019 Swaye's Wigwam

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    I look forward to the Venn diagram of people who chinned this post and people who have expressed negative feelings toward Brock Huard.
  • PostGameOrangeSlices
    PostGameOrangeSlices Member Posts: 27,217

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    I look forward to the Venn diagram of people who chinned this post and people who have expressed negative feelings toward Brock Huard.
    Or the people that chinned it and cry for everything to get taken to the tug

    And vote for a dementia addled retard



    He he he

    TITTT
    Sorry pastor Race, I do not hate the bible as much as that poast makes it seem. there is some inspiring stuff in there

    the book of job aint one of em
  • YellowSnow
    YellowSnow Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 37,342 Founders Club
    Lots of seats available of the Yella atheism bus when DeBoer leaves my sermon seeker bros.
  • DoogmanRefund
    DoogmanRefund Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 1,019 Swaye's Wigwam

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    I look forward to the Venn diagram of people who chinned this post and people who have expressed negative feelings toward Brock Huard.
    Or the people that chinned it and cry for everything to get taken to the tug

    And vote for a dementia addled retard



    He he he

    TITTT

  • biak1
    biak1 Member Posts: 4,237

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    I look forward to the Venn diagram of people who chinned this post and people who have expressed negative feelings toward Brock Huard.
    Or the people that chinned it and cry for everything to get taken to the tug

    And vote for a dementia addled retard



    He he he

    TITTT
    Sorry pastor Race, I do not hate the bible as much as that poast makes it seem. there is some inspiring stuff in there

    the book of job aint one of em
    I hate the Bible. I'm a QUR'AN MAN.
  • CallMeBigErn
    CallMeBigErn Member Posts: 8,028

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    I look forward to the Venn diagram of people who chinned this post and people who have expressed negative feelings toward Brock Huard.
    Or the people that chinned it and cry for everything to get taken to the tug

    And vote for a dementia addled retard



    He he he

    TITTT

  • Canadawg
    Canadawg Member Posts: 5,350

    Canadawg said:

    Canadawg said:

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    Wdym?
    God tortures some idiot who believes in him, kills his family, all because Satan made a fucking bet with him

    At the end of the story, Job gets a new family like it was all worth it

    Retarded stories for retards
    God didn't do any torturing. Satan did. Family part is definitely harsh. Bibles all about life after life though so youd imagine that was on the table for them
    God gave Satan the tumbs up to try and test Job's faith by torturing him. Very nice of REAL god. By the way, isn't GOD also omniscient and all knowing, so the whole exercise was unnecessary except for sadism?

    makes sense? religion sense

    shit does not hold up to scrutiny but some like the nostalgia aspect.
    Satan: Hes only faithful cause you're nice to him

    God: Not true just trust me

    Satan: Let me prove it

    God: No

    Creatures of spirit and physical nature everywhere: Sus
  • WoolleyDoog
    WoolleyDoog Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 5,229 Founders Club

    Job believed in God too

    Why is no one name Job?
  • dirtysouwfdawg
    dirtysouwfdawg Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 14,144 Swaye's Wigwam

    Job believed in God too

    Why is no one name Job?
    Well, this just ruined my day.
  • RaceBannon
    RaceBannon Member, Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 114,188 Founders Club

    Job believed in God too

    This dumbass book of the bible made me realize religion is fucking retarded at the ripe age of 12 or so

    Take it to the tug, I know, but ho lee fuck is that shit stupid as fucking shit
    I look forward to the Venn diagram of people who chinned this post and people who have expressed negative feelings toward Brock Huard.
    Or the people that chinned it and cry for everything to get taken to the tug

    And vote for a dementia addled retard



    He he he

    TITTT
    Sorry pastor Race, I do not hate the bible as much as that poast makes it seem. there is some inspiring stuff in there

    the book of job aint one of em
    This is the football board dumbass. I don't give a shit what you think
  • brents
    brents Member Posts: 26
    I have some bad news guys. And I will say it to your face.