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Question for lawyers

Bob_C
Bob_C Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 13,431 Founders Club
Why do you idiots always send an “invoice” that is actually a statement of total open work and then fuck up the application of payments when I make them?
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  • PurpleThrobber
    PurpleThrobber Member Posts: 48,791 Standard Supporter
    Bob_C said:

    Why do you idiots always send an “invoice” that is actually a statement of total open work and then fuck up the application of payments when I make them?

    Attorneys are by far the worst accountants on the planet. And it's not even close.

  • SFGbob
    SFGbob Member Posts: 33,215

    Bob_C said:

    Why do you idiots always send an “invoice” that is actually a statement of total open work and then fuck up the application of payments when I make them?

    Attorneys are by far the worst accountants on the planet. And it's not even close.

    The Hobbit was a greater piece of non-fiction work than 80% of all legal bills.
  • Sources
    Sources Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 4,421 Founders Club
    My group relies solely on alternative fee arrangements. Much simpler and cleaner.

    Pro formas and hourly billable is fuckery of the highest degree.
  • creepycoug
    creepycoug Member Posts: 24,388
    Sources said:

    My group relies solely on alternative fee arrangements. Much simpler and cleaner.

    Pro formas and hourly billable is fuckery of the highest degree.

    I'd be more expensive that way. But by all means, pay me like the bankers get paid. % of the deal. I'd kill for that and blame my conservative brothers of the bar for being too chicken shit to take the risk.

    "Oh, oh, but we might do a lot of work and not get paid!!!"

    Yeah, like that would happen.

    At least on the business side, legal fees are some of the best value you'll get out of professional services. I fucking counsel on shit that has nothing to do with legal work all the time. That's free advice on shit that is outside of my concern.

    But go ahead and do the work yourself. Please.
  • creepycoug
    creepycoug Member Posts: 24,388
    edited April 2022
    Bob_C said:

    Why do you idiots always send an “invoice” that is actually a statement of total open work and then fuck up the application of payments when I make them?

    I've been practicing law for 23 years and I have never written or read the words "open work" or "pro forma" on a legal invoice, nor heard of anyone doing the same, and I used to send them out for years and have been reviewing and approving them for even longer. The legal invoice is about as simple as it gets.

    "I worked on this thing for you for 1.7 hours. I worked on this other thing for you for .5 hours." I mean, who else in the fuck does that tedious shit? We? should bill you like the plumber does: "You want [hot water in your bathroom?] [access to capital markets and compliance with the federal securities laws?] It's going to cost you $[a shit load of money]. Take it or leave it."

    The very best of the best, like Cravath, Skadden Arps, Davis Polk, etc. don't even bother with the details, which is how it should be. "For Services Rendered ..................................... $964,000. See you next month."

    And businesses gladly pay it, and not because they're stupid. But because some of us still operate in a market.
  • SFGbob
    SFGbob Member Posts: 33,215
    Think of the Dazzler, then think of the Dazzler honestly listing the amount of time he has worked on a particular project.

  • creepycoug
    creepycoug Member Posts: 24,388
    SFGbob said:

    Think of the Dazzler, then think of the Dazzler honestly listing the amount of time he has worked on a particular project.

    Of course there are people who lie. Every line of work.
  • HHusky
    HHusky Member Posts: 24,527

    Sources said:

    My group relies solely on alternative fee arrangements. Much simpler and cleaner.

    Pro formas and hourly billable is fuckery of the highest degree.

    I'd be more expensive that way. But by all means, pay me like the bankers get paid. % of the deal. I'd kill for that and blame my conservative brothers of the bar for being too chicken shit to take the risk.

    "Oh, oh, but we might do a lot of work and not get paid!!!"

    Yeah, like that would happen.

    At least on the business side, legal fees are some of the best value you'll get out of professional services. I fucking counsel on shit that has nothing to do with legal work all the time. That's free advice on shit that is outside of my concern.

    But go ahead and do the work yourself. Please.
    I wish I could get paid a percentage of all the money my clients didn't lose because of some dumbass agreement they would have entered into without me.

    Instead, I just get my negotiated flat fee or my hourly.
  • HHusky
    HHusky Member Posts: 24,527
    SFGbob said:

    Think of the Dazzler, then think of the Dazzler honestly listing the amount of time he has worked on a particular project.

    This is when you should know you take this place too seriously.
  • SFGbob
    SFGbob Member Posts: 33,215
    HHusky said:

    SFGbob said:

    Think of the Dazzler, then think of the Dazzler honestly listing the amount of time he has worked on a particular project.

    This is when you should know you take this place too seriously.
    Yeah, it's a real stretch to believe a pathological liar with zero integrity would ever pad his legal bills.