Twice. I’m not the one who they would suspect of believing in jury nullification, but thats what I did both times.
Way to violate the separation of powers. Jurors shouldn't be making law any more than judges.
I won’t ever convict anyone of an unjust law or abuse of police power. Fuck that and fuck you.
I bet you would have convicted someone of harboring a runaway slave in 1850.
Wow, Damone. Great fucking argument. And better yet coming from the guy who refers to the freer of the slaves as a “piece of shit”.
He didn’t free anyone. The north was already free. He didn’t have jurisdiction over the south at the time.
So would you convict someone for harboring a runaway slave or not? That was the law.
Would you convict a black man who married a white woman? That was against the law. Would you convict someone for resisting arrest when no charges were brought on them other than resisting? That’s the law. Would you have someone put in a cage for having some pot? That was the law.
No - he freed slaves by military order in 1863 in parts of the Confederacy under Union control and ALL the slaves by getting the 13th Amendment passed in 1865 which many in the North were against.
Thankfully, we don’t live in an era of racist laws anymore. Maybe jury nullification might have made sense in some of those specific instances you mention - be it the Fugitive Slave Act or Loving vs Virginia - but it general it would create chaos and anarchy in the legal system have jurors deciding what laws to enforce or not. Remember, most of the general population are idiots.
Many laws still need to be challenged by good people. You’d vote to ruin someone’s life for having marijuana? Or “resisting”?
Where did I say jury nullification should done “in general”?
I know.... you’re just following orders
Lincoln had not jurisdiction over the confederacy and “freeing” the slaves was a pure political play. “Under union control” ok!
Fucker pissed all over the constitution.
You sound like a good obedient statist.
Juries freak me out because the general intelligence level of "my peers" leaves much to be desired. 100% of the agreements I draft have a clause that stipulates that any dispute we have will be heard by a judge and waive jury.
Still, once we agree on what our institutions are, we have to honor them and give them a chance to work. I'm not going down the rabbit hole of the slave argument, because I'm not the historian in this group, it seems that this consistent rejection of social structures in the name of libertarian philosophy can lead us down a slippery slope toward political nihilism, which is fun to kick around in the classroom but shitty to live with.
If you find yourself in a fundamentally unjust society, then all bets are off and you join some revolt to overthrow it. But until then, while you're in it, I am skeptical of the individual who goes around playing king, largely for the same reasons I am skeptical of juries to begin with. For every thoughtful dissenter, there are 1,000 dipshits, and worse, 10,000 Sledogs - biased simpletons who quixotically think they know what's best for society ... the purveyors of what's "normal". We're better off when we're all trying to do our best than giving everyone a reject button. That cuts all over the place and you have chaos, which is worse than an imperfect or even flawed system.
Curious. Why didn't Lincoln have jurisdiction over the southern states? Jurisdiction for what?
Beyond jurisdiction, I thought the Confederacy declared war on the Union. If that's the case, wasn't it Lincoln's jerb to prosecute that fight against the traitorous goons?
The last jury I was on I was foreman. 10 people said he’s guilty, let’s get this over with in 5 minutes and go home. Not so fast my friend. 2 days later we acquitted. Not quite as dramatic as 12 angry men, our guy actually did what he was accused of. The fact he was charged was bullshit.
I was the foreman on our jury as well. But our case was a civil suit and the applicable law was just and not controversial.
And? What’s your point. Thats a different thing all together.
I recently wrapped up a nearly 2 week stint on a civil trial. During the juror selection process I kept thinking to myself what would @Sledog say so that I could get excused, but alas my real life persona of an objective, cuckold always seems to shine through. Throughout the proceedings I was able to keep myself entertained with and endless stream of Hardcore Husky inside jokes. At every corner the judge and counsel would Thank Us For Our Service. There was plentiful wheel chair (powered and manual) hawt talk and in depth economis discussions about present value and discount rates. The Aurora Bridge even got its free pub as a location in the series of events. @Swaye would surely have been proud when during deliberations I pointed out to my fellow jurors the exact model of two tone, "Date Just" Rolex watch worn by one of the plaintiff's sleazy "expert" witnesses and its approximate value.
I was always legally excused. No one will take me as a juror. Ask the pretend attorneys if they want a retired cop on the jury. Prosecutors do! The rest not so much.
Gee I wonder why.
How many cops have you let sit on juries in your trials?
As I've explained to you before, I don't litigate. I know that from your arm chair watching re-runs you think all lawyers are either prosecutors or defense attorneys, or more charitably, you think they all try cases in court.
As if I needed moar evidence, your narrow view of the legal profession matches the narrow view you have of everything else. You've never been near the level of commerce necessary to understand the role of counsel, and so you don't know it exists.
My view isn't narrow. I have lawyers in the family. 3 of them. I've known several. I normally deal with DA's and Fed's when I worked a major narcotics task force. Some good some bad. Local DA's were sometimes problematic as they never really wanted to have to take anything to trial. Creates certain problems on the LE end. Feds were generally ok. Some DA offices had strange practices in other counties. It was a problem with informants.
Of course defense attorneys were the funest.
Criminals representing themselves hilarious!
So, do you believe in the adversary system or don't you? Do you not think it's important for everybody to be defended in court against the state by competent counsel? And my competent, i don't mean what you, as a Cop, would like to see in a lawyer. I mean someone who can put the state to their mandate of meeting their burden proof.
You have me all wrong. I have no problem with anyone being a Cop. We need the police. My problem is with a Cop who thinks all we need is Cops and who don't understand or care about the larger system of which they are only a part.
You can be a Cop and have the mental agility necessary to understand why the system, flawed as it may be like everything else, needs to work the way it works, and why even guilty ass people should have competent counsel who zealously represents their interest. Cops who can't comprehend that are what I have a problem with.
The guy we acquired was charged with resisting and assault on a cop.
Twice. I’m not the one who they would suspect of believing in jury nullification, but thats what I did both times.
Way to violate the separation of powers. Jurors shouldn't be making law any more than judges.
I won’t ever convict anyone of an unjust law or abuse of police power. Fuck that and fuck you.
I bet you would have convicted someone of harboring a runaway slave in 1850.
Wow, Damone. Great fucking argument. And better yet coming from the guy who refers to the freer of the slaves as a “piece of shit”.
He didn’t free anyone. The north was already free. He didn’t have jurisdiction over the south at the time.
So would you convict someone for harboring a runaway slave or not? That was the law.
Would you convict a black man who married a white woman? That was against the law. Would you convict someone for resisting arrest when no charges were brought on them other than resisting? That’s the law. Would you have someone put in a cage for having some pot? That was the law.
No - he freed slaves by military order in 1863 in parts of the Confederacy under Union control and ALL the slaves by getting the 13th Amendment passed in 1865 which many in the North were against.
Thankfully, we don’t live in an era of racist laws anymore. Maybe jury nullification might have made sense in some of those specific instances you mention - be it the Fugitive Slave Act or Loving vs Virginia - but it general it would create chaos and anarchy in the legal system have jurors deciding what laws to enforce or not. Remember, most of the general population are idiots.
Many laws still need to be challenged by good people. You’d vote to ruin someone’s life for having marijuana? Or “resisting”?
Where did I say jury nullification should done “in general”?
I know.... you’re just following orders
Lincoln had not jurisdiction over the confederacy and “freeing” the slaves was a pure political play. “Under union control” ok!
Fucker pissed all over the constitution.
You sound like a good obedient statist.
Juries freak me out because the general intelligence level of "my peers" leaves much to be desired. 100% of the agreements I draft have a clause that stipulates that any dispute we have will be heard by a judge and waive jury.
Still, once we agree on what our institutions are, we have to honor them and give them a chance to work. I'm not going down the rabbit hole of the slave argument, because I'm not the historian in this group, it seems that this consistent rejection of social structures in the name of libertarian philosophy can lead us down a slippery slope toward political nihilism, which is fun to kick around in the classroom but shitty to live with.
If you find yourself in a fundamentally unjust society, then all bets are off and you join some revolt to overthrow it. But until then, while you're in it, I am skeptical of the individual who goes around playing king, largely for the same reasons I am skeptical of juries to begin with. For every thoughtful dissenter, there are 1,000 dipshits, and worse, 10,000 Sledogs - biased simpletons who quixotically think they know what's best for society ... the purveyors of what's "normal". We're better off when we're all trying to do our best than giving everyone a reject button. That cuts all over the place and you have chaos, which is worse than an imperfect or even flawed system.
Curious. Why didn't Lincoln have jurisdiction over the southern states? Jurisdiction for what?
Beyond jurisdiction, I thought the Confederacy declared war on the Union. If that's the case, wasn't it Lincoln's jerb to prosecute that fight against the traitorous goons?
The last jury I was on I was foreman. 10 people said he’s guilty, let’s get this over with in 5 minutes and go home. Not so fast my friend. 2 days later we acquitted. Not quite as dramatic as 12 angry men, our guy actually did what he was accused of. The fact he was charged was bullshit.
I was the foreman on our jury as well. But our case was a civil suit and the applicable law was just and not controversial.
And? What’s your point. Thats a different thing all together.
I wasn't making a point in this post. Just sharing that I was a foreman as well, albeit in a very different type of case.
Twice. I’m not the one who they would suspect of believing in jury nullification, but thats what I did both times.
Way to violate the separation of powers. Jurors shouldn't be making law any more than judges.
I won’t ever convict anyone of an unjust law or abuse of police power. Fuck that and fuck you.
I bet you would have convicted someone of harboring a runaway slave in 1850.
Wow, Damone. Great fucking argument. And better yet coming from the guy who refers to the freer of the slaves as a “piece of shit”.
He didn’t free anyone. The north was already free. He didn’t have jurisdiction over the south at the time.
So would you convict someone for harboring a runaway slave or not? That was the law.
Would you convict a black man who married a white woman? That was against the law. Would you convict someone for resisting arrest when no charges were brought on them other than resisting? That’s the law. Would you have someone put in a cage for having some pot? That was the law.
No - he freed slaves by military order in 1863 in parts of the Confederacy under Union control and ALL the slaves by getting the 13th Amendment passed in 1865 which many in the North were against.
Thankfully, we don’t live in an era of racist laws anymore. Maybe jury nullification might have made sense in some of those specific instances you mention - be it the Fugitive Slave Act or Loving vs Virginia - but it general it would create chaos and anarchy in the legal system have jurors deciding what laws to enforce or not. Remember, most of the general population are idiots.
Many laws still need to be challenged by good people. You’d vote to ruin someone’s life for having marijuana? Or “resisting”?
Where did I say jury nullification should done “in general”?
I know.... you’re just following orders
Lincoln had not jurisdiction over the confederacy and “freeing” the slaves was a pure political play. “Under union control” ok!
Fucker pissed all over the constitution.
You sound like a good obedient statist.
Juries freak me out because the general intelligence level of "my peers" leaves much to be desired. 100% of the agreements I draft have a clause that stipulates that any dispute we have will be heard by a judge and waive jury.
Still, once we agree on what our institutions are, we have to honor them and give them a chance to work. I'm not going down the rabbit hole of the slave argument, because I'm not the historian in this group, it seems that this consistent rejection of social structures in the name of libertarian philosophy can lead us down a slippery slope toward political nihilism, which is fun to kick around in the classroom but shitty to live with.
If you find yourself in a fundamentally unjust society, then all bets are off and you join some revolt to overthrow it. But until then, while you're in it, I am skeptical of the individual who goes around playing king, largely for the same reasons I am skeptical of juries to begin with. For every thoughtful dissenter, there are 1,000 dipshits, and worse, 10,000 Sledogs - biased simpletons who quixotically think they know what's best for society ... the purveyors of what's "normal". We're better off when we're all trying to do our best than giving everyone a reject button. That cuts all over the place and you have chaos, which is worse than an imperfect or even flawed system.
Curious. Why didn't Lincoln have jurisdiction over the southern states? Jurisdiction for what?
Beyond jurisdiction, I thought the Confederacy declared war on the Union. If that's the case, wasn't it Lincoln's jerb to prosecute that fight against the traitorous goons?
The last jury I was on I was foreman. 10 people said he’s guilty, let’s get this over with in 5 minutes and go home. Not so fast my friend. 2 days later we acquitted. Not quite as dramatic as 12 angry men, our guy actually did what he was accused of. The fact he was charged was bullshit.
I was the foreman on our jury as well. But our case was a civil suit and the applicable law was just and not controversial.
And? What’s your point. Thats a different thing all together.
I wasn't making a point in this post. Just sharing that I was a foreman as well, albeit in a very different type of case.
Twice. I’m not the one who they would suspect of believing in jury nullification, but thats what I did both times.
Way to violate the separation of powers. Jurors shouldn't be making law any more than judges.
I won’t ever convict anyone of an unjust law or abuse of police power. Fuck that and fuck you.
I bet you would have convicted someone of harboring a runaway slave in 1850.
Wow, Damone. Great fucking argument. And better yet coming from the guy who refers to the freer of the slaves as a “piece of shit”.
He didn’t free anyone. The north was already free. He didn’t have jurisdiction over the south at the time.
So would you convict someone for harboring a runaway slave or not? That was the law.
Would you convict a black man who married a white woman? That was against the law. Would you convict someone for resisting arrest when no charges were brought on them other than resisting? That’s the law. Would you have someone put in a cage for having some pot? That was the law.
No - he freed slaves by military order in 1863 in parts of the Confederacy under Union control and ALL the slaves by getting the 13th Amendment passed in 1865 which many in the North were against.
Thankfully, we don’t live in an era of racist laws anymore. Maybe jury nullification might have made sense in some of those specific instances you mention - be it the Fugitive Slave Act or Loving vs Virginia - but it general it would create chaos and anarchy in the legal system have jurors deciding what laws to enforce or not. Remember, most of the general population are idiots.
Many laws still need to be challenged by good people. You’d vote to ruin someone’s life for having marijuana? Or “resisting”?
Where did I say jury nullification should done “in general”?
I know.... you’re just following orders
Lincoln had not jurisdiction over the confederacy and “freeing” the slaves was a pure political play. “Under union control” ok!
Fucker pissed all over the constitution.
You sound like a good obedient statist.
Juries freak me out because the general intelligence level of "my peers" leaves much to be desired. 100% of the agreements I draft have a clause that stipulates that any dispute we have will be heard by a judge and waive jury.
Still, once we agree on what our institutions are, we have to honor them and give them a chance to work. I'm not going down the rabbit hole of the slave argument, because I'm not the historian in this group, it seems that this consistent rejection of social structures in the name of libertarian philosophy can lead us down a slippery slope toward political nihilism, which is fun to kick around in the classroom but shitty to live with.
If you find yourself in a fundamentally unjust society, then all bets are off and you join some revolt to overthrow it. But until then, while you're in it, I am skeptical of the individual who goes around playing king, largely for the same reasons I am skeptical of juries to begin with. For every thoughtful dissenter, there are 1,000 dipshits, and worse, 10,000 Sledogs - biased simpletons who quixotically think they know what's best for society ... the purveyors of what's "normal". We're better off when we're all trying to do our best than giving everyone a reject button. That cuts all over the place and you have chaos, which is worse than an imperfect or even flawed system.
Curious. Why didn't Lincoln have jurisdiction over the southern states? Jurisdiction for what?
Beyond jurisdiction, I thought the Confederacy declared war on the Union. If that's the case, wasn't it Lincoln's jerb to prosecute that fight against the traitorous goons?
The last jury I was on I was foreman. 10 people said he’s guilty, let’s get this over with in 5 minutes and go home. Not so fast my friend. 2 days later we acquitted. Not quite as dramatic as 12 angry men, our guy actually did what he was accused of. The fact he was charged was bullshit.
I was the foreman on our jury as well. But our case was a civil suit and the applicable law was just and not controversial.
And? What’s your point. Thats a different thing all together.
I wasn't making a point in this post. Just sharing that I was a foreman as well, albeit in a very different type of case.
I recently wrapped up a nearly 2 week stint on a civil trial. During the juror selection process I kept thinking to myself what would @Sledog say so that I could get excused, but alas my real life persona of an objective, cuckold always seems to shine through. Throughout the proceedings I was able to keep myself entertained with and endless stream of Hardcore Husky inside jokes. At every corner the judge and counsel would Thank Us For Our Service. There was plentiful wheel chair (powered and manual) hawt talk and in depth economis discussions about present value and discount rates. The Aurora Bridge even got its free pub as a location in the series of events. @Swaye would surely have been proud when during deliberations I pointed out to my fellow jurors the exact model of two tone, "Date Just" Rolex watch worn by one of the plaintiff's sleazy "expert" witnesses and its approximate value.
Anyone on jury duty is either retired or very very poor.
I recently wrapped up a nearly 2 week stint on a civil trial. During the juror selection process I kept thinking to myself what would @Sledog say so that I could get excused, but alas my real life persona of an objective, cuckold always seems to shine through. Throughout the proceedings I was able to keep myself entertained with and endless stream of Hardcore Husky inside jokes. At every corner the judge and counsel would Thank Us For Our Service. There was plentiful wheel chair (powered and manual) hawt talk and in depth economis discussions about present value and discount rates. The Aurora Bridge even got its free pub as a location in the series of events. @Swaye would surely have been proud when during deliberations I pointed out to my fellow jurors the exact model of two tone, "Date Just" Rolex watch worn by one of the plaintiff's sleazy "expert" witnesses and its approximate value.
Anyone on jury duty is either retired or very very poor.
False. Most decent paying companies pay for jury duty. Pours can’t due jury duty because work won’t pick up the tab.
I recently wrapped up a nearly 2 week stint on a civil trial. During the juror selection process I kept thinking to myself what would @Sledog say so that I could get excused, but alas my real life persona of an objective, cuckold always seems to shine through. Throughout the proceedings I was able to keep myself entertained with and endless stream of Hardcore Husky inside jokes. At every corner the judge and counsel would Thank Us For Our Service. There was plentiful wheel chair (powered and manual) hawt talk and in depth economis discussions about present value and discount rates. The Aurora Bridge even got its free pub as a location in the series of events. @Swaye would surely have been proud when during deliberations I pointed out to my fellow jurors the exact model of two tone, "Date Just" Rolex watch worn by one of the plaintiff's sleazy "expert" witnesses and its approximate value.
Anyone on jury duty is either retired or very very poor.
Been called twice. I used the ‘just didn’t show up’ gambit. I was self employed and couldn’t afford it.
Confirmed. You are poor.
What are you talking about moron. I was self employed and didn’t’ want to serve on a jury.
We were so poor we paid 4 kids Catholic school tuition from Kindergarten through High School.
If you want I could give you the approximate figure of the cost involved.
Yes, why don’t you calculate the amount of Catholic school tuition you paid to illustrate that you are not poor. Please include your wife’s Beaverton school district pension while you are at it. Just how poor are you? To be honest, you sound really poor.
Been called twice. I used the ‘just didn’t show up’ gambit. I was self employed and couldn’t afford it.
Confirmed. You are poor.
What are you talking about moron. I was self employed and didn’t’ want to serve on a jury.
We were so poor we paid 4 kids Catholic school tuition from Kindergarten through High School.
If you want I could give you the approximate figure of the cost involved.
Yes, why don’t you calculate the amount of Catholic school tuition you paid to illustrate that you are not poor. Please include your wife’s Beaverton school district pension while you are at it. Just how poor are you? To be honest, you sound really poor.
Maybe you can loan him a few bucks on his '73 Pinto title?
I recently wrapped up a nearly 2 week stint on a civil trial. During the juror selection process I kept thinking to myself what would @Sledog say so that I could get excused, but alas my real life persona of an objective, cuckold always seems to shine through. Throughout the proceedings I was able to keep myself entertained with and endless stream of Hardcore Husky inside jokes. At every corner the judge and counsel would Thank Us For Our Service. There was plentiful wheel chair (powered and manual) hawt talk and in depth economis discussions about present value and discount rates. The Aurora Bridge even got its free pub as a location in the series of events. @Swaye would surely have been proud when during deliberations I pointed out to my fellow jurors the exact model of two tone, "Date Just" Rolex watch worn by one of the plaintiff's sleazy "expert" witnesses and its approximate value.
Been called twice. I used the ‘just didn’t show up’ gambit. I was self employed and couldn’t afford it.
Confirmed. You are poor.
What are you talking about moron. I was self employed and didn’t’ want to serve on a jury.
We were so poor we paid 4 kids Catholic school tuition from Kindergarten through High School.
If you want I could give you the approximate figure of the cost involved.
Yes, why don’t you calculate the amount of Catholic school tuition you paid to illustrate that you are not poor. Please include your wife’s Beaverton school district pension while you are at it. Just how poor are you? To be honest, you sound really poor.
I've practiced law for about 25 years. 10 years as a prosecutor and 15 on the defense side. Prosecuted everything from speeding tickets to murder and defended everything from speeding tickets to murder. I don't even bother showing up for jury duty because there's no way I'm getting selected.
A couple of jury stories:
About 10 years ago I defended a guy who had an Assault 4 - DV charge for allegedly slapping around his wife in the middle of a bar. Client refused to take any deals ... he wanted a trial. 5 eye witnesses testify consistently that my guy slapped his wife around in the middle of the bar. My guy is clearly gonna' get convicted. We do closing argument and they jury takes the case to the jury room.
About 10 minutes into deliberations, uproarious laughter starts eminating from the jury room. It can be heard all through the small courthouse. The laughter continues ... loudly ... for at least 20 minutes. Finally, the judge calls the jury back into the box and inquires if they are deliberating the case. Forman says, "yes". Judge excuses them back to the jury room. Almost immediately, the laughter begins again. Continues for about 10 minutes.
Judge brings the jury back and asks the foreman if they have a verdict. Foreman says, "no". Judge asks foreman if he believes deliberations are being taken seriously. (We're cruising down mistrial road at this point, so I'm not objecting to anything, but doing my best to make a good record). Foreman says, "yes". Judge, thoroughly pissed off, says, "it doesn't sound like it". Foreman says that they've been spending their time coming up with "creative" ways to punish my client and that some of the ideas were "really funny". (There are about 40 different ways that this is inappropriate conduct by the jurors).
After some inquiry by the judge, who is obviously about to blow a gasket, I move for a mistrial ... granted. Client ended up pleading to the original offer rather than re-try the case.
Second story: Client is alleged to have slapped his wife around in the parking lot of the local Grange Hall. State identifies neighbor who claims to have watched it all go down from his living room window. I check out the scene and realize there is no way this guy could see it from his living room window as the view is blocked by shrubs, bushes, and other shit. (Think "My Cousin Vinnie".)
State calls neighbor who testifies that he saw it all. I spend about 15 minutes on cross examination laying the groundwork for the Perry Mason moment when I'm planning on holding up a picture of all of the shit that obstructed this guys view, thereby making it impossible for this guy to have seen anything. The whole "you were here and they were there" questions, just like you've all seen on TV. All that stuff.
As I'm doing this, I'm moving directly in front of the jury box so when I force this guy to say, "hey, I guess I couldn't really see anything", he has to say it while looking at the jury.
I pick up my 3 foot x 4 foot poster sized picture of the jungle outside this guy's window ... ready to let the hammer drop ... and as I do, I hear a crash at counsel table behind me and look to see my client furiously trying to sop up the pitcher of water that he's spilled all over my notes, books and ... himself.
Then, I hear a juror, right behind me, mutter ... "fucking dipshit" ... as he watched my client use his shirt to soak up the water.
I still got the witness to admit he didn't see a thing, but the dramatic effect was completely lost. It didn't seem to matter though, since the aquittal came back after about 10 minutes of deliberation.
Comments
The guy we acquired was charged with resisting and assault on a cop.
We were so poor we paid 4 kids Catholic school tuition from Kindergarten through High School.
If you want I could give you the approximate figure of the cost involved.
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A couple of jury stories:
About 10 years ago I defended a guy who had an Assault 4 - DV charge for allegedly slapping around his wife in the middle of a bar. Client refused to take any deals ... he wanted a trial. 5 eye witnesses testify consistently that my guy slapped his wife around in the middle of the bar. My guy is clearly gonna' get convicted. We do closing argument and they jury takes the case to the jury room.
About 10 minutes into deliberations, uproarious laughter starts eminating from the jury room. It can be heard all through the small courthouse. The laughter continues ... loudly ... for at least 20 minutes. Finally, the judge calls the jury back into the box and inquires if they are deliberating the case. Forman says, "yes". Judge excuses them back to the jury room. Almost immediately, the laughter begins again. Continues for about 10 minutes.
Judge brings the jury back and asks the foreman if they have a verdict. Foreman says, "no". Judge asks foreman if he believes deliberations are being taken seriously. (We're cruising down mistrial road at this point, so I'm not objecting to anything, but doing my best to make a good record). Foreman says, "yes". Judge, thoroughly pissed off, says, "it doesn't sound like it". Foreman says that they've been spending their time coming up with "creative" ways to punish my client and that some of the ideas were "really funny". (There are about 40 different ways that this is inappropriate conduct by the jurors).
After some inquiry by the judge, who is obviously about to blow a gasket, I move for a mistrial ... granted. Client ended up pleading to the original offer rather than re-try the case.
Second story: Client is alleged to have slapped his wife around in the parking lot of the local Grange Hall. State identifies neighbor who claims to have watched it all go down from his living room window. I check out the scene and realize there is no way this guy could see it from his living room window as the view is blocked by shrubs, bushes, and other shit. (Think "My Cousin Vinnie".)
State calls neighbor who testifies that he saw it all. I spend about 15 minutes on cross examination laying the groundwork for the Perry Mason moment when I'm planning on holding up a picture of all of the shit that obstructed this guys view, thereby making it impossible for this guy to have seen anything. The whole "you were here and they were there" questions, just like you've all seen on TV. All that stuff.
As I'm doing this, I'm moving directly in front of the jury box so when I force this guy to say, "hey, I guess I couldn't really see anything", he has to say it while looking at the jury.
I pick up my 3 foot x 4 foot poster sized picture of the jungle outside this guy's window ... ready to let the hammer drop ... and as I do, I hear a crash at counsel table behind me and look to see my client furiously trying to sop up the pitcher of water that he's spilled all over my notes, books and ... himself.
Then, I hear a juror, right behind me, mutter ... "fucking dipshit" ... as he watched my client use his shirt to soak up the water.
I still got the witness to admit he didn't see a thing, but the dramatic effect was completely lost. It didn't seem to matter though, since the aquittal came back after about 10 minutes of deliberation.