I avoided posting in this thread so as to not jinx myself. Low and behold, today I get a notice for a summons for jury duty. Praise Allah for the top tips in this thread to get out of serving.
Go put a dirt bag in jail. It feels really good!
Jury nullification feels a lot better.
Not when it's a shitbag criminal. So you're for a huge shitbag criminal population on our streets?
I've practiced law for about 25 years. 10 years as a prosecutor and 15 on the defense side. Prosecuted everything from speeding tickets to murder and defended everything from speeding tickets to murder. I don't even bother showing up for jury duty because there's no way I'm getting selected.
A couple of jury stories:
About 10 years ago I defended a guy who had an Assault 4 - DV charge for allegedly slapping around his wife in the middle of a bar. Client refused to take any deals ... he wanted a trial. 5 eye witnesses testify consistently that my guy slapped his wife around in the middle of the bar. My guy is clearly gonna' get convicted. We do closing argument and they jury takes the case to the jury room.
About 10 minutes into deliberations, uproarious laughter starts eminating from the jury room. It can be heard all through the small courthouse. The laughter continues ... loudly ... for at least 20 minutes. Finally, the judge calls the jury back into the box and inquires if they are deliberating the case. Forman says, "yes". Judge excuses them back to the jury room. Almost immediately, the laughter begins again. Continues for about 10 minutes.
Judge brings the jury back and asks the foreman if they have a verdict. Foreman says, "no". Judge asks foreman if he believes deliberations are being taken seriously. (We're cruising down mistrial road at this point, so I'm not objecting to anything, but doing my best to make a good record). Foreman says, "yes". Judge, thoroughly pissed off, says, "it doesn't sound like it". Foreman says that they've been spending their time coming up with "creative" ways to punish my client and that some of the ideas were "really funny". (There are about 40 different ways that this is inappropriate conduct by the jurors).
After some inquiry by the judge, who is obviously about to blow a gasket, I move for a mistrial ... granted. Client ended up pleading to the original offer rather than re-try the case.
Second story: Client is alleged to have slapped his wife around in the parking lot of the local Grange Hall. State identifies neighbor who claims to have watched it all go down from his living room window. I check out the scene and realize there is no way this guy could see it from his living room window as the view is blocked by shrubs, bushes, and other shit. (Think "My Cousin Vinnie".)
State calls neighbor who testifies that he saw it all. I spend about 15 minutes on cross examination laying the groundwork for the Perry Mason moment when I'm planning on holding up a picture of all of the shit that obstructed this guys view, thereby making it impossible for this guy to have seen anything. The whole "you were here and they were there" questions, just like you've all seen on TV. All that stuff.
As I'm doing this, I'm moving directly in front of the jury box so when I force this guy to say, "hey, I guess I couldn't really see anything", he has to say it while looking at the jury.
I pick up my 3 foot x 4 foot poster sized picture of the jungle outside this guy's window ... ready to let the hammer drop ... and as I do, I hear a crash at counsel table behind me and look to see my client furiously trying to sop up the pitcher of water that he's spilled all over my notes, books and ... himself.
Then, I hear a juror, right behind me, mutter ... "fucking dipshit" ... as he watched my client use his shirt to soak up the water.
I still got the witness to admit he didn't see a thing, but the dramatic effect was completely lost. It didn't seem to matter though, since the aquittal came back after about 10 minutes of deliberation.
I avoided posting in this thread so as to not jinx myself. Low and behold, today I get a notice for a summons for jury duty. Praise Allah for the top tips in this thread to get out of serving.
Go put a dirt bag in jail. It feels really good!
Jury nullification feels a lot better.
Not when it's a shitbag criminal. So you're for a huge shitbag criminal population on our streets?
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