Amber Heard Lands Endorsement Deal With Charmin Toilet Paper
June 2nd, 2022 - BabylonBee.com
LOS ANGELES—Amber Heard has landed a major endorsement deal with Proctor & Gamble to promote Charmin brand toilet paper products. The Hollywood actress, best known for pooping in Johnny Depp's bed, succeeds Mr. Whipple and the Charmin Bears as the brand's newest mascot.
Heard's publicist announced the deal Wednesday after the verdict was rendered for the infamous Depp-Heard defamation trial.
"Amber has been trending on social media ever since the trial," said Heard's publicist in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. "She wants to get back to work and capitalize on this newfound notoriety. Our partnership with Charmin is a perfect fit!"
Proctor & Gamble CEO Tex Charlemagne said they chose Heard to head their new marketing blitz because her name was now synonymous with evacuating your bowels.
"It's a struggle to advertise for toilet paper because going to the bathroom is a very private experience," commented Charlemagne. "With Ms. Heard, we have a rare opportunity to reel in everyone's attention with a beautiful face while simultaneously causing people to think of how much they need toilet paper. She is the golden goose of toilet paper marketing."
According to sources, Charmin's new advertising campaign will feature a brand new slogan: Wipe With Paper Softer Than Depp's Sheets.
Well, some people dreamed of either the A's or the Rays to Portland. That dream is dead after the 2021 summer of love in Portland and the huge increase in crime and homelessness. Looking at the 2022 attendance figures shows a lot of have nots. I used to have my wife read me the baseball game stats to me while we drove to central Oregon in the early 1980s. Baseball had dynasties and I could name the starters on a lot of the teams - KC Royals, Oakland A's, the Yankees, the Dodgers, hell even Toronto was good. Today I could care less. I don't watch spit associated with MLB and today I couldn't name a starter on the Mariners while as recently as 2001my son and I watched about 75% of the Mariner games. When over half the MLB teams are really minor league teams for the big spenders, it really isn't MLB. Truly a dying sport that is out of touch with its potential fan base.
=========== The Rays are a low budget success story even beyond Beane's A’s. But just like Beane’s A’s, the locals don’t gaf and don’t show up to games.
So there’s no reason to give public dollars to a team that the pub-lick doesn’t gaf about imo.
Well, some people dreamed of either the A's or the Rays to Portland. That dream is dead after the 2021 summer of love in Portland and the huge increase in crime and homelessness. Looking at the 2022 attendance figures shows a lot of have nots. I used to have my wife read me the baseball game stats to me while we drove to central Oregon in the early 1980s. Baseball had dynasties and I could name the starters on a lot of the teams - KC Royals, Oakland A's, the Yankees, the Dodgers, hell even Toronto was good. Today I could care less. I don't watch spit associated with MLB and today I couldn't name a starter on the Mariners while as recently as 2001my son and I watched about 75% of the Mariner games. When over half the MLB teams are really minor league teams for the big spenders, it really isn't MLB. Truly a dying sport that is out of touch with its potential fan base.
=========== The Rays are a low budget success story even beyond Beane's A’s. But just like Beane’s A’s, the locals don’t gaf and don’t show up to games.
So there’s no reason to give public dollars to a team that the pub-lick doesn’t gaf about imo.
Baseball is boring AF.
Follow the Savannah Bananas on IG and see what fun the game could be.
Leftards lie and love to be lied to. Apparently, red pilled Musk isn't putting up with the lies and the obfuscation. Musk will either pull out or put in a revised bid that reflects the actual vast number of Twitter bots versus the less than 5% that Twitter management has represented. A pull out with a Twitter stock crash will leave the lucky board members with some very large lawsuits for phucking up the due diligence process.
BREAKING: Musk threatens to dump deal in letter to Twitter, SEC. “Capping off a four-week fight over the true percentage of bot content on the platform, Musk’s attorneys warned the current Twitter board that Musk would terminate the deal if Twitter continued to stonewall him on that data.”
Leftards lie and love to be lied to. Apparently, red pilled Musk isn't putting up with the lies and the obfuscation. Musk will either pull out or put in a revised bid that reflects the actual vast number of Twitter bots versus the less than 5% that Twitter management has represented. A pull out with a Twitter stock crash will leave the lucky board members with some very large lawsuits for phucking up the due diligence process.
BREAKING: Musk threatens to dump deal in letter to Twitter, SEC. “Capping off a four-week fight over the true percentage of bot content on the platform, Musk’s attorneys warned the current Twitter board that Musk would terminate the deal if Twitter continued to stonewall him on that data.”
He may yet destroy that abomination that wants everyone to believe it's representative of a majority of opinion when it's actually just a lunatic fringe.
“We do have a gun violence problem in this country, and it’s gang violence.” Masters told “The Jeff Oravits Show” podcast in April in comments that were spotted this week by The Daily Beast.
“It’s people in Chicago, St. Louis shooting each other. Very often, you know, Black people, frankly,” Masters said. “And the Democrats don’t want to do anything about that.”
Just weeks after his comments, 10 Black shoppers were murdered in a mass shooting in Buffalo, New York. The suspect, who is white, allegedly targeted Black people during his killing spree. He was also reportedly a believer in “replacement theory,” a conspiracy theory that has spread in conservative media circles such as Fox News.
As The Daily Beast noted, Masters has pushed that same theory, which claims Democrats are trying to replace white voters with people of color via immigration.
“Obviously, the Democrats, they hope to just change the demographics of our country,” Masters told the “Patriot Edition” podcast, according to The Associated Press. “They hope to import an entirely new electorate. Then they call you a racist and a bigot.”
Note no attempt to argue against anything he said. Just say he's racist and call it a day
Comments
#myredpilledtulsi
https://babylonbee.com/news/amber-heard-lands-endorsement-deal-with-charmin-toilet-paper
Amber Heard Lands Endorsement Deal With Charmin Toilet Paper
June 2nd, 2022 - BabylonBee.com
LOS ANGELES—Amber Heard has landed a major endorsement deal with Proctor & Gamble to promote Charmin brand toilet paper products. The Hollywood actress, best known for pooping in Johnny Depp's bed, succeeds Mr. Whipple and the Charmin Bears as the brand's newest mascot.
Heard's publicist announced the deal Wednesday after the verdict was rendered for the infamous Depp-Heard defamation trial.
"Amber has been trending on social media ever since the trial," said Heard's publicist in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. "She wants to get back to work and capitalize on this newfound notoriety. Our partnership with Charmin is a perfect fit!"
Proctor & Gamble CEO Tex Charlemagne said they chose Heard to head their new marketing blitz because her name was now synonymous with evacuating your bowels.
"It's a struggle to advertise for toilet paper because going to the bathroom is a very private experience," commented Charlemagne. "With Ms. Heard, we have a rare opportunity to reel in everyone's attention with a beautiful face while simultaneously causing people to think of how much they need toilet paper. She is the golden goose of toilet paper marketing."
According to sources, Charmin's new advertising campaign will feature a brand new slogan: Wipe With Paper Softer Than Depp's Sheets.
Another win for guns. BidenBros would rather see her murdered.
So there’s no reason to give public dollars to a team that the pub-lick doesn’t gaf about imo.
===========
The Rays are a low budget success story even beyond Beane's A’s. But just like Beane’s A’s, the locals don’t gaf and don’t show up to games.
So there’s no reason to give public dollars to a team that the pub-lick doesn’t gaf about imo.
Baseball is boring AF.
Follow the Savannah Bananas on IG and see what fun the game could be.
https://instapundit.com/
BREAKING: Musk threatens to dump deal in letter to Twitter, SEC. “Capping off a four-week fight over the true percentage of bot content on the platform, Musk’s attorneys warned the current Twitter board that Musk would terminate the deal if Twitter continued to stonewall him on that data.”
“We do have a gun violence problem in this country, and it’s gang violence.” Masters told “The Jeff Oravits Show” podcast in April in comments that were spotted this week by The Daily Beast.
“It’s people in Chicago, St. Louis shooting each other. Very often, you know, Black people, frankly,” Masters said. “And the Democrats don’t want to do anything about that.”
Just weeks after his comments, 10 Black shoppers were murdered in a mass shooting in Buffalo, New York. The suspect, who is white, allegedly targeted Black people during his killing spree. He was also reportedly a believer in “replacement theory,” a conspiracy theory that has spread in conservative media circles such as Fox News.
As The Daily Beast noted, Masters has pushed that same theory, which claims Democrats are trying to replace white voters with people of color via immigration.
“Obviously, the Democrats, they hope to just change the demographics of our country,” Masters told the “Patriot Edition” podcast, according to The Associated Press. “They hope to import an entirely new electorate. Then they call you a racist and a bigot.”
Note no attempt to argue against anything he said. Just say he's racist and call it a day