This site needs a humor board

alumni94

Three guys were sitting around and started to discuss the most important inventions of the last 100 years.
The first guy, "The airplane, look how much it has done. From Travel to freight. Even it's control in war."
The second guy, "The computer. It has changed the world. Computers are involved in everything we do."
The last guy, "Those are pretty good and clearly important. I'm going with the thermos."

The other two start to laugh, "The thermos?! What's so great about that?"

The last guy, "Well it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold."

The other two, "Yeah so?"

The last guy, "How does it know?!"


Now to the to funny part. At work my VP needed to send out a quick statement about himself to introduce himself to the company, etc. Part of the blurb was the question, what has been the greatest invention for you.
I told him this joke. He used this joke and in his intro he said the thermos. While all the others had great answers that were centered around their careers, this VP looked like an ass-clown, which he was.

I sat back and enjoyed every minute of it.

I know, cool story bro.

alumni94

The army was conducting war games with the new troops, but due to budget cuts were a little short of equipment.
When they handing out rifles, a few privates didn't get one.
Private, "Sargent, I don't have a gun what should I do?".
Sargent, "It's ok, when you want to shoot someone, just point your finger and yell 'shoot, shoot, shoot'. Everyone knows and will follow orders."

The war games start and private gets lost and is on his own. He sees the enemy and stand up a yells 'shoot, shoot, shoot' and they drop dead.
"Hey this is great" thinks the private.

He heads toward the base of the enemy, and sees only one solider out front walking back and forth.

The private think this is chance and he can take the enemy base. He run towards the enemy and yells "shoot, shoot, shoot'. Nothing.
He get next to the enemy solider points his finger at close range and yells 'shoot, shoot, shoot', still nothing.
The private yells at him, "Hey, it's orders that you die since I shot you." Still nothing.
Finally the private get right in his path to confront him.

The solider pushes him over and walks on top of him and says, "Tank, Tank, Tank".