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Open Letter to Oregon Recruits
The school courting you has the best staff in the Pac 12. I know it, you know it, Racebannon knows it, everybody knows it. It was true even b4 Coffee Time Pete punked out and left his Baller Wannabe Shit Talker Clown in charge. With that said, DO NOT SIGN. Here's why: Crisco's Ballz and his Heart belong in Miami. We? are suffering and are soon going to call on him to come home, and come home he will. Come home to where you ask?
Well, the school that still ranks very high in NFL roster spots even though WE HAVE BEEN SUCKING ASS CRACK FOR ALMOST 20 FUCKING YEARS!!!!! Think about that. Even if we? stay shitty, you're going to the league just because the U. Yes, that's how it works. Consider: Washington had a little mini run (you would have thought they were about to take over to listen to their hysterical fans), and Oregon had a bigger run and died and is at the peak of another little run. It won't last. But even with that disparity, I offer you this for consideration:
Number of NFL Players by School
Alabama 56
Ohio State 45
Florida 35
Miami (Fla.) 34 (More than Clemson btw)
LSU 32
Florida State 32
Oklahoma 31
Georgia 29
Penn State 28
Texas A&M 28
Clemson 27
Wisconsin 26
Auburn 26
Stanford 25
Notre Dame 25
Washington 25
Tennessee 24
Michigan 24
Iowa 24
South Carolina 24
UCLA 23
Texas 22
Southern California 20
Nebraska 20
Mississippi State 19
Mississippi 19
Oregon 17
California 16
UCF 16
Temple 16
West Virginia 16
North Carolina 15
Louisville 15
Utah 15
TCU 14
Pittsburgh 14
North Carolina State 14
Virginia Tech 14
Michigan State 13
Missouri 13
Colorado 13
Boston College 13
Virginia 13
I mean, fuck, if you're going to sign with Washington or Oregon, you may as well sign with Boston College or Virginia and get an elite education. But if you're not going to college to play school, you know what you have to do.
When Manny calls, just say yes, and know that Mario is on his way. I'm working on it now and have inside scoop (from a hot intern who I think has the hots for me) that it's about to happen.
You have my word. Creepy Bartholomew Cuog
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Comments
@haie
@dnc
@GrundleStiltzkin
@RaceBannon
Tell the kids the truth. Lives could very well be effected.
34 > 25 > 17
Talk me out of it. I don't think you have the maff skillz history boy.
And Grundle, that's the second fuck you in the last week. I see you!
Cook it.
After a 6 year run that was better at program NFL talent production than perhaps any in Washington history ... certainly better than any over the last 25 or more years, you? still lag behind my Canes who have been languishing for about that long. And after Oregon's all-time best run, they really lag behind us?
Kids, the W and O fanbases understandably want your talent and services. But you have to think about yourself and your family. You're never going to be captains of industry or investment bankers or surgeons. Let's be real here. This is the one and only chance you will ever have for a 7-figure payday.
Come to the U. We'll? make it happen together.
CreepCane
Do you really want to be coached by someone this guy picked for you?
If so then you're all about the U.
Men, if you're up to it, if you're good enough, try and be a Hurricane. Certainly not a Duck or a Husky. Goodness gracious no.
Again, kids, don't sign with Oregon. And don't wait for Manny to find you all the way out here. He's about as retarded as Coffee Time Pete. Call him and let him know you're interested. Crisco will be there shortly. That's why the Houston kid's interested.
And if you were going to sign with the train wreck that is Jimmy Lake Ballz Washington, you're too retarded for us, so go ahead.
Football?