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To Swaye
Swaye
Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,358 
To @Swaye,
How to enjoy Husky football with your heathen children:
1.) Promise to take them to a game for two years without doing so because they play soccer every fucking Saturday, even in January.
2.) Finally have the stars align, and you're going to the season opener. Cheap tickets, easy win, nice September weather, perfect.
3.) Splurge a little for tickets right on the front row of the upper deck.
4.) Get to the game, and it's time for lunch. Spend $4,000 on four bowls of macaroni and cheese with pulled pork on top. Neither kid will touch it. "But it's fucking macaroni and cheese! That's, like, all you little fuckers eat!?" "It's not Mommy's (Annie's) mac and cheese that comes out of a box, so fuck you, Dad, and your $15 macaroni."
5.) Early first quarter, 7 year old daughter starts to complain. She doesn't give a fuck about the game, but she's fascinated by the cheerleaders. "They're throwing girls, and they're flipping!" But our sweet front row seats mean the LED advertising ribbon sticks out a few feet, thus obstructing her view to the cheerleaders unless she stands against the rail. Standing for more than a half hour straight is just unacceptable. Now she's on my knee, and I'm one of the "sit down and watch the game quietly" fans.
6.) Late second quarter, daughter sees the cotton candy vendor walking through. She wants cotton candy. "I already took out a second mortgage to buy fucking macaroni that you wouldn't eat. We're meeting friends for dinner after this, and I was asked to bring a dessert. You're going to have enough sugar, and between the jerseys and your pom pom and lunch, I'm already $300 deep into a game against fucking Eastern, so no cotton candy." Turns out, she didn't just want cotton candy. She wanted cotton candy or else. Public meltdown ensues. Yes, fellow Dawg fans, I'm a parental failure and have produced spoiled children.
7.) My mistake of buying said front row tickets on the north side is starting to become apparent. We are becoming four lobsters, the kids are fading, so two minutes before halftime I slip out to the concourse to beat the rush and buy them some hats for shade. Since she recovered well from her meltdown, I cave and buy the little shits the damned cotton candy while I'm out there. Apparently Eastern scores a long touchdown during this time, so I'll have to check the replay for what that's all about.
8.) The third quarter is a struggle. 8 year old son is still all about it, but daughter is DONE. She's too hot. The cheerleaders are on the other side of the field, and she's out of colored sugar. 8:00 left in the third, Mrs. 1to35646456weretaken has to retire to the shaded concourse and spend the rest of the game sitting against the rail with melted daughter.
9.) Feeling guilty about this, I pack up my son and our shit and leave at the 3rd/4th quarter break. About to check the replay to see what the 4th quarter was all about.
10.) Son, who'd been doing great up to this point, decides it's his turn for a spoiled meltdown, passing a vendor with little stuffed dogs and claiming he should get one because his sister got a pom pom. "You got a new jersey, a new hat, the most expensive mac and cheese in the world, and a trip to the city to watch the Huskies play football. I think you did just fine." This is not sufficient, and now he's pissed.
11.) Daughter, sensing weakness, walks all the way through campus to the van, tossing her pom pom up in the air and catching it (more than she dropped it) just to tease her brother, which pisses him the fuck off. Public fight ensues.
Go Dwags!
@1to392831weretaken YBFEE
How to enjoy Husky football with your heathen children:
1.) Promise to take them to a game for two years without doing so because they play soccer every fucking Saturday, even in January.
2.) Finally have the stars align, and you're going to the season opener. Cheap tickets, easy win, nice September weather, perfect.
3.) Splurge a little for tickets right on the front row of the upper deck.
4.) Get to the game, and it's time for lunch. Spend $4,000 on four bowls of macaroni and cheese with pulled pork on top. Neither kid will touch it. "But it's fucking macaroni and cheese! That's, like, all you little fuckers eat!?" "It's not Mommy's (Annie's) mac and cheese that comes out of a box, so fuck you, Dad, and your $15 macaroni."
5.) Early first quarter, 7 year old daughter starts to complain. She doesn't give a fuck about the game, but she's fascinated by the cheerleaders. "They're throwing girls, and they're flipping!" But our sweet front row seats mean the LED advertising ribbon sticks out a few feet, thus obstructing her view to the cheerleaders unless she stands against the rail. Standing for more than a half hour straight is just unacceptable. Now she's on my knee, and I'm one of the "sit down and watch the game quietly" fans.
6.) Late second quarter, daughter sees the cotton candy vendor walking through. She wants cotton candy. "I already took out a second mortgage to buy fucking macaroni that you wouldn't eat. We're meeting friends for dinner after this, and I was asked to bring a dessert. You're going to have enough sugar, and between the jerseys and your pom pom and lunch, I'm already $300 deep into a game against fucking Eastern, so no cotton candy." Turns out, she didn't just want cotton candy. She wanted cotton candy or else. Public meltdown ensues. Yes, fellow Dawg fans, I'm a parental failure and have produced spoiled children.
7.) My mistake of buying said front row tickets on the north side is starting to become apparent. We are becoming four lobsters, the kids are fading, so two minutes before halftime I slip out to the concourse to beat the rush and buy them some hats for shade. Since she recovered well from her meltdown, I cave and buy the little shits the damned cotton candy while I'm out there. Apparently Eastern scores a long touchdown during this time, so I'll have to check the replay for what that's all about.
8.) The third quarter is a struggle. 8 year old son is still all about it, but daughter is DONE. She's too hot. The cheerleaders are on the other side of the field, and she's out of colored sugar. 8:00 left in the third, Mrs. 1to35646456weretaken has to retire to the shaded concourse and spend the rest of the game sitting against the rail with melted daughter.
9.) Feeling guilty about this, I pack up my son and our shit and leave at the 3rd/4th quarter break. About to check the replay to see what the 4th quarter was all about.
10.) Son, who'd been doing great up to this point, decides it's his turn for a spoiled meltdown, passing a vendor with little stuffed dogs and claiming he should get one because his sister got a pom pom. "You got a new jersey, a new hat, the most expensive mac and cheese in the world, and a trip to the city to watch the Huskies play football. I think you did just fine." This is not sufficient, and now he's pissed.
11.) Daughter, sensing weakness, walks all the way through campus to the van, tossing her pom pom up in the air and catching it (more than she dropped it) just to tease her brother, which pisses him the fuck off. Public fight ensues.
Go Dwags!
@1to392831weretaken YBFEE
Comments
@1to392831weretaken's daughter is going to be Cuog cheerleader with daddy issues.