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The Half Sober List
Doogles
Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 12,598 
1. Jon Gruden - Coolest motherfucker on the planet. 5 star kids would kill to play for him. Think Mora with a Super bowl and more national recognition. Complete pipe dream but it's my fucking list. He's tanned and rested, throw 6 mill at him and watch him fill the universities pockets enough to bring back the swim team.
2. Jim Tressel - He is a winner, no way around it. No way he is happy ending his career shamed into oblivion. He would take us to the promised land immediately and Emmert wouldn't dare shit in his own pool to make his pool boy work harder at keeping it clean. It's worth a fucking call.
3. Tim Deyruter - Much more realistic than my top 2, but i'm sobering up. Has the proven track record of improving every squad he's touched, and elevated a Pat Hill tuff mediocre program immediately. Likewise, I think he could elevate Stevies program immediately. Don't know if he can recruit, but he can coach. Could be a hit.
4. Jonathan Franklin - Every time I see this dude on ESPN i think it's Shaka Smart. Maybe that's why I think he's pretty cool. Hate to make the whole "well he won a decent amount of games at traditionally shitty school" argument, but the dude won more than his fair share of games at fucking Vandy in the SEC. He gets the most out of his players and would thrive recruiting and developing better talent with far more resources against lesser competition. It's not Pat HadenFS.
5. Chris Peterson - I don't get the back lash around here on this one. At worst, this hire is a LIFPO situation. His teams are disciplined in all 3 phases. Wins BCS bowls. Wins pretty much all the time (accepts against us). Can develop the fuck out of players. Known to out scheme other coaches regularly. p12 coaches would probably fear this dude over 3 and 4 on the list.
Now fuck you, fuck me, fuck everybody.
2. Jim Tressel - He is a winner, no way around it. No way he is happy ending his career shamed into oblivion. He would take us to the promised land immediately and Emmert wouldn't dare shit in his own pool to make his pool boy work harder at keeping it clean. It's worth a fucking call.
3. Tim Deyruter - Much more realistic than my top 2, but i'm sobering up. Has the proven track record of improving every squad he's touched, and elevated a Pat Hill tuff mediocre program immediately. Likewise, I think he could elevate Stevies program immediately. Don't know if he can recruit, but he can coach. Could be a hit.
4. Jonathan Franklin - Every time I see this dude on ESPN i think it's Shaka Smart. Maybe that's why I think he's pretty cool. Hate to make the whole "well he won a decent amount of games at traditionally shitty school" argument, but the dude won more than his fair share of games at fucking Vandy in the SEC. He gets the most out of his players and would thrive recruiting and developing better talent with far more resources against lesser competition. It's not Pat HadenFS.
5. Chris Peterson - I don't get the back lash around here on this one. At worst, this hire is a LIFPO situation. His teams are disciplined in all 3 phases. Wins BCS bowls. Wins pretty much all the time (accepts against us). Can develop the fuck out of players. Known to out scheme other coaches regularly. p12 coaches would probably fear this dude over 3 and 4 on the list.
Now fuck you, fuck me, fuck everybody.
Comments
UW=Vandy
Petersen and DeRuyter are decent fall backs and an upgrade from Sarkingham. I wouldn't hurl myself into a flaming dumpster if one or the other was hired.
Franklin....uhh no thanks.
For me it is Les Miles, Charlie Strong ... then everyone else.
Tressel, is a great coach ... but carries waaaaayyyy too much baggage ... regardless of Emmerrt's connection with UW ... he is toxic and any school picking him up would be major fucktarded.
If your biggest joy for College Football over the last 10 years has been hitting refresh on your computer every 30 seconds to see if your school has made the right hire on the fourth try, you've picked the wrong team ... take some apathy pills and call me in the morning.
I took the apathy pills and now I really couldn't give a fuck. It will be fun just to be a college football fan who enjoys seeing a great game and not care who wins.
Try Losingham 2.0.