I walked out on solo because I was live tweeting it and the first 15 minutes are garbage. Some fag told me I couldn’t have my phone on and I was like... wait...
What is this? Fucking Guy Savoy?
This is fucking $5.00 movies at some bumfuck South Carolina theatre where everyone in this bitch is either on meth, opioids or is trying to be. These are white people that have fucking RIP t-shirts and fucking wear camo over that shit.
I’m not going to put down my phone for fuck’s sake. If there’s a last bastion of civility in society and this is it, we are absolutely fucked. You sell people pump cheese on cold chips and call it nachos, charge $8 and you think me on a phone is violating social norms??
Can someone tell me what part of the timeline this movie is now sitting in? Are we finally at the end of this story? How many more of these movies can Hollywood pump out? I saw the last two that were released (not the Han Solo one, which I didn't know even existed) and thought they were fine as just stand-alone movies. Only the Star Wars superiority guys give a shit about the originals and comparing those to the recent ones, etc.
Hollywood will run Star Wars into the ground. Then, they will wait a bit, hire the newest hotshot young director and reboot it.
The only Star Wars story I’d be interested in seeing at this point would be a Ewan McGregor Obi Wan movie...maybe showing the years between Episodes III and IV.
A reboot might be the only way to salvage the franchise. I’m thinking losing the whole kiddie-friendly angle and go something grittier...like what Frank Miller/Tim Burton did with Batman.
Can someone tell me what part of the timeline this movie is now sitting in? Are we finally at the end of this story? How many more of these movies can Hollywood pump out? I saw the last two that were released (not the Han Solo one, which I didn't know even existed) and thought they were fine as just stand-alone movies. Only the Star Wars superiority guys give a shit about the originals and comparing those to the recent ones, etc.
Hollywood will run Star Wars into the ground. Then, they will wait a bit, hire the newest hotshot young director and reboot it.
The only Star Wars story I’d be interested in seeing at this point would be a Ewan McGregor Obi Wan movie...maybe showing the years between Episodes III and IV.
A reboot might be the only way to salvage the franchise. I’m thinking losing the whole kiddie-friendly angle and go something grittier...like what Frank Miller/Tim Burton did with Batman.
Yes. Grittier is a good word for it. Why is Empire universally acclaimed as the best SW of all time and one of the greatest movies of all time? It was dark. It was foreboding. The good guys didn't win.
Rogue One was great because it felt alive, had the look and feel of the original 3, and because the good guys may have won but they all died to do it.
This franchise needs a serious rethink. Darker. More unknown actors. New direction. It is flailing as of now.
I want to see a Boba Fett movie that is basically Dark Knight in space, and the morally ambivalent bounty hunter wins over the white hats. Because fuck white anyway.
I've tried showing the Plinkett reviews to soooo many of my friends/family. Every time I wind up turning it off ten minutes in, embarrassed. Why am I not surprised that this hole would be the place where Plinkett is understood and accepted?
As for Star Wars, I've never really cared. The OG are cultural icons, so you HAVE to watch them to get a third of the jokes on TV, but outside of that, I've never been obsessed. I was way more into The Last Starfighter as a kid. I mean, The Last Starfighter has Death Blossom: case closed. And as a young adult, you watch a movie like The Fifth Element, which was so much better at being Star Wars than Star Wars ever was (pew pew pew, lighthearted, not-to-be-taken-seriously semi-space movie), and it's hard to hold even the OG trilogy in super high regard. Never mind that there isn't a single two hour long stretch of Firefly that any Star Wars movie can hold a candle to from an entertainment standpoint.
Sci-Fi is getting better, though, if you ask me. To be fair, I wouldn't even really call Star Wars sci-fi, as the "science" half of the equation in those movies is about on par with Flash Gordon (or Flesh Gordon, the documentary film on which Flash Gordon was based). But, yeah, there is some sci-fi stuff out now that at least comes decently close to being plausible. The Expanse series are great books, and I'm shocked at how good of a job the SyFy Network has done in adapting them for TV. I didn't realize they had that kind of budget! The indie movie Moon was pretty good even thought they lacked the budget to and therefore punted on simulating weightlessness. Arrival and Interstellar were both good, even though the central plot of both was one big grandfather paradox.
Not movies but books, but do yourself a favor: Pick up The Three Body Problem by Cixin Liu. Don't read any reviews or plot spoilers or anything, as it'll be way better if you just dive right in. If you like it, read the rest of the trilogy. It'll make the plot of every movie you watch or book you read from then on seem pointless! "Well, I've read 'The Story' now. Guess I'm all done..."
On that note, I squee-I squee-I squeeze gats 'til my clips is empty.
*True story: Since day one of lurking here, I've read EVERY one of Pumpy's posts in Plinkett's voice and picturing him looking exactly like this. EXACTLY.
The biggest problem with Star Wars is you have Marty Schottenheimer as the emperor
Big evil guy who builds a massive evil empire but can't keep a death star from being blown up to save his life
Two or three death stars and a death planet gone. No warning just gone
Star Wars is the only real 'Star Wars' movie. A lot of you probably know this, but it was basically written as a movie that would've been three movies, but of course, to make the first one it was cut down to one movie. That's why SW is the only one that feels whole.
When you realize how much of SW was saved in the edit and that Lucas didn't really have anything to do with ESB... coupled with the Christmas special, it's pretty easy to see that Lucas' genius was all gone after the original movie. He happened to have a great team around him and everyone pitched in to make a helluva movie.
ESB was a completely different tone and style of movie and it was the only other movie that was really 'free' to exist because the second act in Star Wars was just them on the Death Star escaping.
By the time ROTJ came around, the plot was literally cobbled together from remnants of the first 3-act script so the movie is essentially a re-telling of SW and ESB.
When ROTJ came out I was 8 years old and EVEN THEN I thought the Ewoks (wookie backwards, get it?!?!) were an obvious rip off of the Wookies to sell more toys, I was stunned that the fucking empire was so retarded that they rebuilt the fucking Death Star with an EVEN EASIER way to blow it up...
It just seemed so diet.
Now that I'm an adult and understand inertia and money, I get what happened. Lucas didn't GAF about anything but toy money and they just sewed the two scripts together:
ACT I straight from SW -start on Tatooine, but now Luke's gotta be a Jedi -Second version of the Cantina scene -escape a sticky situation;
ACT II plot from SW and ESB
-Death Star about to be operational and fuck everyone up -'...I am your father battle redux' -Desperate times and a loss for the rebellion
ACT III plot from the first script for SW where the primitive wookies rise up to take out the empire and the first ending from SW -Ewoks there for no reason, Joseph Campbell shit, noble savages help topple technologically advanced people who've lost their souls -'I am your father' scene extended to now be with the Emperor too -Same exact ending from SW basically
...I was 8 so yeah, I loved the Scout Troopers and their rocket bikes and I liked the Red Imperial Guards and shit...
But other than that everything was super diet. Darth Vader turned into a feeg, the Emperor never seemed that more badass than DV did in SW, even at 8 I found the Ewoks annoying, pandering and the plot ridiculous.
I found the Jaba storyline pointless (which it was) - it was the beginning of making every character into some superhero instead of just normal people inhabiting an interesting reality and doing normal things.
The Yoda shit where he died when Luke came back? I mean WTF... so fucking retarded. Then everyone is not really dead? Why don't they just die up front and get it over with...
So, ROTJ has some of the magic of the first couple, but it was already over.
I feel like it was over after Chew and Marcia Lucas finished the edit, ILM did the effects and JW did the score. After that, Lucas never did another fucking thing worth a shit.
The prequels were essentially on the same level as the Christmas Special and so was everything else he did.
ESB was just Kirshner being a badass with a GREAT set up for a cool movie.
Then, since then what has happened? Nothing. George just got fatter, more bored, more prosaic and Marcia left him and now he's married to a fat chick.
If you are worth a billion dollars and your wife leaves you and you marry a fat chick, you know something is rotten in Denmark.
George's great accomplishment was Star Wars. I have always felt like it's a better accomplishment than ESB because to go from nothing to creating that world was fucking incredible.
Nothing had ever looked like that, nothing had ever felt like that. Hell, the previous year, the best Sci Fi movie was fucking Logan's Run (which I love, but come on).
That scene where Darth Vader enters the rebel ship after everyone gets killed... unreal.
Unfortunately nothing really happened after that. Just all downhill except for Kirshner's and co's excellent treatment of a script that essentially goes nowhere...
Examining the plot from ESB tells you again, it was mostly carved out of concepts from the original SW script anyway...
Yoda and Obi-Wan never made sense as two characters... it was always supposed to be just Obi-Wan, but since they killed him off, they needed to put in an OG Jedi...
The meeting between Luke and Darth was supposed to be in SW when Obi-Wan and Darth fought, but it was too early for that confrontation in SW and Lucas wanted a hero to die in that one.
Hoth looked cool, but it was just to get the story started.
Cloud city and the betrayal by Lando was shoe-horned in as a second version of them going to the death star.
So yeah...
Anyway, I've thought about this a lot. I love Star Wars. That movie is the shit and I always love to watch ESB... but ROTJ was pretty pathetic and we were on the B-Team with Yoda (b version of Obi-Wan) and the Emperor (b-version of DV).
Also, Moff Tarkin was scarier in SW than the Emperor was in ROTJ.
The biggest problem with Star Wars is you have Marty Schottenheimer as the emperor
Big evil guy who builds a massive evil empire but can't keep a death star from being blown up to save his life
Two or three death stars and a death planet gone. No warning just gone
Star Wars is the only real 'Star Wars' movie. A lot of you probably know this, but it was basically written as a movie that would've been three movies, but of course, to make the first one it was cut down to one movie. That's why SW is the only one that feels whole.
When you realize how much of SW was saved in the edit and that Lucas didn't really have anything to do with ESB... coupled with the Christmas special, it's pretty easy to see that Lucas' genius was all gone after the original movie. He happened to have a great team around him and everyone pitched in to make a helluva movie.
ESB was a completely different tone and style of movie and it was the only other movie that was really 'free' to exist because the second act in Star Wars was just them on the Death Star escaping.
By the time ROTJ came around, the plot was literally cobbled together from remnants of the first 3-act script so the movie is essentially a re-telling of SW and ESB.
When ROTJ came out I was 8 years old and EVEN THEN I thought the Ewoks (wookie backwards, get it?!?!) were an obvious rip off of the Wookies to sell more toys, I was stunned that the fucking empire was so retarded that they rebuilt the fucking Death Star with an EVEN EASIER way to blow it up...
It just seemed so diet.
Now that I'm an adult and understand inertia and money, I get what happened. Lucas didn't GAF about anything but toy money and they just sewed the two scripts together:
ACT I straight from SW -start on Tatooine, but now Luke's gotta be a Jedi -Second version of the Cantina scene -escape a sticky situation;
ACT II plot from SW and ESB
-Death Star about to be operational and fuck everyone up -'...I am your father battle redux' -Desperate times and a loss for the rebellion
ACT III plot from the first script for SW where the primitive wookies rise up to take out the empire and the first ending from SW -Ewoks there for no reason, Joseph Campbell shit, noble savages help topple technologically advanced people who've lost their souls -'I am your father' scene extended to now be with the Emperor too -Same exact ending from SW basically
...I was 8 so yeah, I loved the Scout Troopers and their rocket bikes and I liked the Red Imperial Guards and shit...
But other than that everything was super diet. Darth Vader turned into a feeg, the Emperor never seemed that more badass than DV did in SW, even at 8 I found the Ewoks annoying, pandering and the plot ridiculous.
I found the Jaba storyline pointless (which it was) - it was the beginning of making every character into some superhero instead of just normal people inhabiting an interesting reality and doing normal things.
The Yoda shit where he died when Luke came back? I mean WTF... so fucking retarded. Then everyone is not really dead? Why don't they just die up front and get it over with...
So, ROTJ has some of the magic of the first couple, but it was already over.
I feel like it was over after Chew and Marcia Lucas finished the edit, ILM did the effects and JW did the score. After that, Lucas never did another fucking thing worth a shit.
The prequels were essentially on the same level as the Christmas Special and so was everything else he did.
ESB was just Kirshner being a badass with a GREAT set up for a cool movie.
Then, since then what has happened? Nothing. George just got fatter, more bored, more prosaic and Marcia left him and now he's married to a fat chick.
If you are worth a billion dollars and your wife leaves you and you marry a fat chick, you know something is rotten in Denmark.
George's great accomplishment was Star Wars. I have always felt like it's a better accomplishment than ESB because to go from nothing to creating that world was fucking incredible.
Nothing had ever looked like that, nothing had ever felt like that. Hell, the previous year, the best Sci Fi movie was fucking Logan's Run (which I love, but come on).
That scene where Darth Vader enters the rebel ship after everyone gets killed... unreal.
Unfortunately nothing really happened after that. Just all downhill except for Kirshner's and co's excellent treatment of a script that essentially goes nowhere...
Examining the plot from ESB tells you again, it was mostly carved out of concepts from the original SW script anyway...
Yoda and Obi-Wan never made sense as two characters... it was always supposed to be just Obi-Wan, but since they killed him off, they needed to put in an OG Jedi...
The meeting between Luke and Darth was supposed to be in SW when Obi-Wan and Darth fought, but it was too early for that confrontation in SW and Lucas wanted a hero to die in that one.
Hoth looked cool, but it was just to get the story started.
Cloud city and the betrayal by Lando was shoe-horned in as a second version of them going to the death star.
So yeah...
Anyway, I've thought about this a lot. I love Star Wars. That movie is the shit and I always love to watch ESB... but ROTJ was pretty pathetic and we were on the B-Team with Yoda (b version of Obi-Wan) and the Emperor (b-version of DV).
Also, Moff Tarkin was scarier in SW than the Emperor was in ROTJ.
The best Star Wars movie was the one where Obi Wan and Charley Boorman rode R1100GSes around the world the long way 'round and ate balls in a yurt. I've watched it like four times!
A lot of (understandable) negative talk on ROTJ. I actually like that film, but there were some things that could’ve been done to make it better.
- Change the name back to what it was supposed to have been, “Revenge of the Jedi”
- Luke has gone back to train with Yoda and ForceGhost! Obi-Wan. He calls both out on hiding the fact Darth Vader was his dad from him. Obi-Wan doesn’t try to make excuses this time (no “certain point of view” bullshit), and warns Luke that all this hatred will lead him to the Dark Side. Luke doesn’t care. He wants to save Han and destroy the Empire and doesn’t care how it gets done. Luke leaves on bad terms.
- Leia is not Luke’s sister - she can still be “force sensitive” though.
- Ewoks are not furry woodland creatures but are human resistance fighters on Endor
- Somebody important dies on the assault on the Death Star. I’m thinking the Millennium Falcon is destroyed so Han mourns the death of his friend Lando and his ship (remember, Han had a feeling he’d “never see her again”)
- No happy ForceGhosts/party at the end. Closing shot is Luke cremating Vader and the X-Wings flying overhead.
I've tried showing the Plinkett reviews to soooo many of my friends/family. Every time I wind up turning it off ten minutes in, embarrassed. Why am I not surprised that this hole would be the place where Plinkett is understood and accepted?
As for Star Wars, I've never really cared. The OG are cultural icons, so you HAVE to watch them to get a third of the jokes on TV, but outside of that, I've never been obsessed. I was way more into The Last Starfighter as a kid. I mean, The Last Starfighter has Death Blossom: case closed. And as a young adult, you watch a movie like The Fifth Element, which was so much better at being Star Wars than Star Wars ever was (pew pew pew, lighthearted, not-to-be-taken-seriously semi-space movie), and it's hard to hold even the OG trilogy in super high regard. Never mind that there isn't a single two hour long stretch of Firefly that any Star Wars movie can hold a candle to from an entertainment standpoint.
Sci-Fi is getting better, though, if you ask me. To be fair, I wouldn't even really call Star Wars sci-fi, as the "science" half of the equation in those movies is about on par with Flash Gordon (or Flesh Gordon, the documentary film on which Flash Gordon was based). But, yeah, there is some sci-fi stuff out now that at least comes decently close to being plausible. The Expanse series are great books, and I'm shocked at how good of a job the SyFy Network has done in adapting them for TV. I didn't realize they had that kind of budget! The indie movie Moon was pretty good even thought they lacked the budget to and therefore punted on simulating weightlessness. Arrival and Interstellar were both good, even though the central plot of both was one big grandfather paradox.
Not movies but books, but do yourself a favor: Pick up The Three Body Problem by Cixin Liu. Don't read any reviews or plot spoilers or anything, as it'll be way better if you just dive right in. If you like it, read the rest of the trilogy. It'll make the plot of every movie you watch or book you read from then on seem pointless! "Well, I've read 'The Story' now. Guess I'm all done..."
On that note, I squee-I squee-I squeeze gats 'til my clips is empty.
*True story: Since day one of lurking here, I've read EVERY one of Pumpy's posts in Plinkett's voice and picturing him looking exactly like this. EXACTLY.
Chinned for the Death Blossom shoutout.
And how can we get Pumpeii to type out "pro-tah-gahn-tist" somehow? That would be balls.
Guess discussing anything above fake knockers and video games is too much for the majority d students here (C on a good report card) to comprehend? I'll be more careful with my next thread...
The biggest problem with Star Wars is you have Marty Schottenheimer as the emperor
Big evil guy who builds a massive evil empire but can't keep a death star from being blown up to save his life
Two or three death stars and a death planet gone. No warning just gone
Star Wars is the only real 'Star Wars' movie. A lot of you probably know this, but it was basically written as a movie that would've been three movies, but of course, to make the first one it was cut down to one movie. That's why SW is the only one that feels whole.
When you realize how much of SW was saved in the edit and that Lucas didn't really have anything to do with ESB... coupled with the Christmas special, it's pretty easy to see that Lucas' genius was all gone after the original movie. He happened to have a great team around him and everyone pitched in to make a helluva movie.
ESB was a completely different tone and style of movie and it was the only other movie that was really 'free' to exist because the second act in Star Wars was just them on the Death Star escaping.
By the time ROTJ came around, the plot was literally cobbled together from remnants of the first 3-act script so the movie is essentially a re-telling of SW and ESB.
When ROTJ came out I was 8 years old and EVEN THEN I thought the Ewoks (wookie backwards, get it?!?!) were an obvious rip off of the Wookies to sell more toys, I was stunned that the fucking empire was so retarded that they rebuilt the fucking Death Star with an EVEN EASIER way to blow it up...
It just seemed so diet.
Now that I'm an adult and understand inertia and money, I get what happened. Lucas didn't GAF about anything but toy money and they just sewed the two scripts together:
ACT I straight from SW -start on Tatooine, but now Luke's gotta be a Jedi -Second version of the Cantina scene -escape a sticky situation;
ACT II plot from SW and ESB
-Death Star about to be operational and fuck everyone up -'...I am your father battle redux' -Desperate times and a loss for the rebellion
ACT III plot from the first script for SW where the primitive wookies rise up to take out the empire and the first ending from SW -Ewoks there for no reason, Joseph Campbell shit, noble savages help topple technologically advanced people who've lost their souls -'I am your father' scene extended to now be with the Emperor too -Same exact ending from SW basically
...I was 8 so yeah, I loved the Scout Troopers and their rocket bikes and I liked the Red Imperial Guards and shit...
But other than that everything was super diet. Darth Vader turned into a feeg, the Emperor never seemed that more badass than DV did in SW, even at 8 I found the Ewoks annoying, pandering and the plot ridiculous.
I found the Jaba storyline pointless (which it was) - it was the beginning of making every character into some superhero instead of just normal people inhabiting an interesting reality and doing normal things.
The Yoda shit where he died when Luke came back? I mean WTF... so fucking retarded. Then everyone is not really dead? Why don't they just die up front and get it over with...
So, ROTJ has some of the magic of the first couple, but it was already over.
I feel like it was over after Chew and Marcia Lucas finished the edit, ILM did the effects and JW did the score. After that, Lucas never did another fucking thing worth a shit.
The prequels were essentially on the same level as the Christmas Special and so was everything else he did.
ESB was just Kirshner being a badass with a GREAT set up for a cool movie.
Then, since then what has happened? Nothing. George just got fatter, more bored, more prosaic and Marcia left him and now he's married to a fat chick.
If you are worth a billion dollars and your wife leaves you and you marry a fat chick, you know something is rotten in Denmark.
George's great accomplishment was Star Wars. I have always felt like it's a better accomplishment than ESB because to go from nothing to creating that world was fucking incredible.
Nothing had ever looked like that, nothing had ever felt like that. Hell, the previous year, the best Sci Fi movie was fucking Logan's Run (which I love, but come on).
That scene where Darth Vader enters the rebel ship after everyone gets killed... unreal.
Unfortunately nothing really happened after that. Just all downhill except for Kirshner's and co's excellent treatment of a script that essentially goes nowhere...
Examining the plot from ESB tells you again, it was mostly carved out of concepts from the original SW script anyway...
Yoda and Obi-Wan never made sense as two characters... it was always supposed to be just Obi-Wan, but since they killed him off, they needed to put in an OG Jedi...
The meeting between Luke and Darth was supposed to be in SW when Obi-Wan and Darth fought, but it was too early for that confrontation in SW and Lucas wanted a hero to die in that one.
Hoth looked cool, but it was just to get the story started.
Cloud city and the betrayal by Lando was shoe-horned in as a second version of them going to the death star.
So yeah...
Anyway, I've thought about this a lot. I love Star Wars. That movie is the shit and I always love to watch ESB... but ROTJ was pretty pathetic and we were on the B-Team with Yoda (b version of Obi-Wan) and the Emperor (b-version of DV).
Also, Moff Tarkin was scarier in SW than the Emperor was in ROTJ.
Just like Hollywood and HH. Guess the Mark Harmon version wasnt good enough Just rehash old shit instead of creating something original. Hmmm... seems similar to the threads around here
[Now that we know that no one's every really gone, I'm looking forward to seeing that Porkins stand alone movie- Star Wars: Pork Wars a Star Wars Story.]
[Han Solo is BACK! In STAR WARS episode XI: RETURN OF PORKINS]
Comments
Rogue one was good and solo was entertaining
What is this? Fucking Guy Savoy?
This is fucking $5.00 movies at some bumfuck South Carolina theatre where everyone in this bitch is either on meth, opioids or is trying to be. These are white people that have fucking RIP t-shirts and fucking wear camo over that shit.
I’m not going to put down my phone for fuck’s sake. If there’s a last bastion of civility in society and this is it, we are absolutely fucked. You sell people pump cheese on cold chips and call it nachos, charge $8 and you think me on a phone is violating social norms??
FOH.
Anyway, I said “I understand sir” and left.
A reboot might be the only way to salvage the franchise. I’m thinking losing the whole kiddie-friendly angle and go something grittier...like what Frank Miller/Tim Burton did with Batman.
Rogue One was great because it felt alive, had the look and feel of the original 3, and because the good guys may have won but they all died to do it.
This franchise needs a serious rethink. Darker. More unknown actors. New direction. It is flailing as of now.
I want to see a Boba Fett movie that is basically Dark Knight in space, and the morally ambivalent bounty hunter wins over the white hats. Because fuck white anyway.
Big evil guy who builds a massive evil empire but can't keep a death star from being blown up to save his life
Two or three death stars and a death planet gone. No warning just gone
As for Star Wars, I've never really cared. The OG are cultural icons, so you HAVE to watch them to get a third of the jokes on TV, but outside of that, I've never been obsessed. I was way more into The Last Starfighter as a kid. I mean, The Last Starfighter has Death Blossom: case closed. And as a young adult, you watch a movie like The Fifth Element, which was so much better at being Star Wars than Star Wars ever was (pew pew pew, lighthearted, not-to-be-taken-seriously semi-space movie), and it's hard to hold even the OG trilogy in super high regard. Never mind that there isn't a single two hour long stretch of Firefly that any Star Wars movie can hold a candle to from an entertainment standpoint.
Sci-Fi is getting better, though, if you ask me. To be fair, I wouldn't even really call Star Wars sci-fi, as the "science" half of the equation in those movies is about on par with Flash Gordon (or Flesh Gordon, the documentary film on which Flash Gordon was based). But, yeah, there is some sci-fi stuff out now that at least comes decently close to being plausible. The Expanse series are great books, and I'm shocked at how good of a job the SyFy Network has done in adapting them for TV. I didn't realize they had that kind of budget! The indie movie Moon was pretty good even thought they lacked the budget to and therefore punted on simulating weightlessness. Arrival and Interstellar were both good, even though the central plot of both was one big grandfather paradox.
Not movies but books, but do yourself a favor: Pick up The Three Body Problem by Cixin Liu. Don't read any reviews or plot spoilers or anything, as it'll be way better if you just dive right in. If you like it, read the rest of the trilogy. It'll make the plot of every movie you watch or book you read from then on seem pointless! "Well, I've read 'The Story' now. Guess I'm all done..."
On that note, I squee-I squee-I squeeze gats 'til my clips is empty.
*True story: Since day one of lurking here, I've read EVERY one of Pumpy's posts in Plinkett's voice and picturing him looking exactly like this. EXACTLY.
GOAT
When you realize how much of SW was saved in the edit and that Lucas didn't really have anything to do with ESB... coupled with the Christmas special, it's pretty easy to see that Lucas' genius was all gone after the original movie. He happened to have a great team around him and everyone pitched in to make a helluva movie.
ESB was a completely different tone and style of movie and it was the only other movie that was really 'free' to exist because the second act in Star Wars was just them on the Death Star escaping.
By the time ROTJ came around, the plot was literally cobbled together from remnants of the first 3-act script so the movie is essentially a re-telling of SW and ESB.
When ROTJ came out I was 8 years old and EVEN THEN I thought the Ewoks (wookie backwards, get it?!?!) were an obvious rip off of the Wookies to sell more toys, I was stunned that the fucking empire was so retarded that they rebuilt the fucking Death Star with an EVEN EASIER way to blow it up...
It just seemed so diet.
Now that I'm an adult and understand inertia and money, I get what happened. Lucas didn't GAF about anything but toy money and they just sewed the two scripts together:
ACT I straight from SW
-start on Tatooine, but now Luke's gotta be a Jedi
-Second version of the Cantina scene
-escape a sticky situation;
ACT II plot from SW and ESB
-Death Star about to be operational and fuck everyone up
-'...I am your father battle redux'
-Desperate times and a loss for the rebellion
ACT III plot from the first script for SW where the primitive wookies rise up to take out the empire and the first ending from SW
-Ewoks there for no reason, Joseph Campbell shit, noble savages help topple technologically advanced people who've lost their souls
-'I am your father' scene extended to now be with the Emperor too
-Same exact ending from SW basically
...I was 8 so yeah, I loved the Scout Troopers and their rocket bikes and I liked the Red Imperial Guards and shit...
But other than that everything was super diet. Darth Vader turned into a feeg, the Emperor never seemed that more badass than DV did in SW, even at 8 I found the Ewoks annoying, pandering and the plot ridiculous.
I found the Jaba storyline pointless (which it was) - it was the beginning of making every character into some superhero instead of just normal people inhabiting an interesting reality and doing normal things.
The Yoda shit where he died when Luke came back? I mean WTF... so fucking retarded. Then everyone is not really dead? Why don't they just die up front and get it over with...
So, ROTJ has some of the magic of the first couple, but it was already over.
I feel like it was over after Chew and Marcia Lucas finished the edit, ILM did the effects and JW did the score. After that, Lucas never did another fucking thing worth a shit.
The prequels were essentially on the same level as the Christmas Special and so was everything else he did.
ESB was just Kirshner being a badass with a GREAT set up for a cool movie.
Then, since then what has happened? Nothing. George just got fatter, more bored, more prosaic and Marcia left him and now he's married to a fat chick.
If you are worth a billion dollars and your wife leaves you and you marry a fat chick, you know something is rotten in Denmark.
George's great accomplishment was Star Wars. I have always felt like it's a better accomplishment than ESB because to go from nothing to creating that world was fucking incredible.
Nothing had ever looked like that, nothing had ever felt like that. Hell, the previous year, the best Sci Fi movie was fucking Logan's Run (which I love, but come on).
That scene where Darth Vader enters the rebel ship after everyone gets killed... unreal.
Unfortunately nothing really happened after that. Just all downhill except for Kirshner's and co's excellent treatment of a script that essentially goes nowhere...
Examining the plot from ESB tells you again, it was mostly carved out of concepts from the original SW script anyway...
Yoda and Obi-Wan never made sense as two characters... it was always supposed to be just Obi-Wan, but since they killed him off, they needed to put in an OG Jedi...
The meeting between Luke and Darth was supposed to be in SW when Obi-Wan and Darth fought, but it was too early for that confrontation in SW and Lucas wanted a hero to die in that one.
Hoth looked cool, but it was just to get the story started.
Cloud city and the betrayal by Lando was shoe-horned in as a second version of them going to the death star.
So yeah...
Anyway, I've thought about this a lot. I love Star Wars. That movie is the shit and I always love to watch ESB... but ROTJ was pretty pathetic and we were on the B-Team with Yoda (b version of Obi-Wan) and the Emperor (b-version of DV).
Also, Moff Tarkin was scarier in SW than the Emperor was in ROTJ.
- Change the name back to what it was supposed to have been, “Revenge of the Jedi”
- Luke has gone back to train with Yoda and ForceGhost! Obi-Wan. He calls both out on hiding the fact Darth Vader was his dad from him. Obi-Wan doesn’t try to make excuses this time (no “certain point of view” bullshit), and warns Luke that all this hatred will lead him to the Dark Side. Luke doesn’t care. He wants to save Han and destroy the Empire and doesn’t care how it gets done. Luke leaves on bad terms.
- Leia is not Luke’s sister - she can still be “force sensitive” though.
- Ewoks are not furry woodland creatures but are human resistance fighters on Endor
- Somebody important dies on the assault on the Death Star. I’m thinking the Millennium Falcon is destroyed so Han mourns the death of his friend Lando and his ship (remember, Han had a feeling he’d “never see her again”)
- No happy ForceGhosts/party at the end. Closing shot is Luke cremating Vader and the X-Wings flying overhead.
And how can we get Pumpeii to type out "pro-tah-gahn-tist" somehow? That would be balls.
[Ruin Johnson: let the past die
JJ Abrams: nowunzevverillygawn]
[Member Palpatine?
Oh yeah I member!]
[Now that we know that no one's every really gone, I'm looking forward to seeing that
Porkins stand alone movie- Star Wars: Pork Wars a Star Wars Story.]
[Han Solo is BACK! In STAR WARS episode XI: RETURN OF PORKINS]