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Attention Faggots

Swaye
Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
in Tug Tavern
I'm leaving. You people suck ass.

But seriously, I am leaving. This Saturday. I am going to Jamaica. Some resort in Negril. Some old friends of mine from the squadron are paying because unlike me they didn't decide to drop out of life and be losers. So yeah, they make lots of money. Assholes. Anyway, what's a third world country like Jamaica like? Good chance I can get AIDS there? Any info appreciated. Flying into Montego Bay and staying at some all-inclusive type place in Negril. I guess we are going out on some "Adventure Tours" as well, whatever the fuck those are. They planned the whole thing. Three ex-pilot buddies of mine, two of their wives, and one of the wives friends. I am assuming the "friend" is being brought along for me to meet, since the other buddy has a wife but she isn't coming (some work trip or something) but she will probably be a straight laced suburbia queen and I will hate her. Unless she has nice tits. I'll try to report in with pics if that's the case.

I guess Jamaica has reliable internet? Who the fuck knows. I assume the resorts do, but I won't be checking in very much here because I am sure I will be trying to get some hot slut to bang me after her loser boyfriend passes out. If I am in Jamaica for a week and don't get laid I will hate myself forever. Well, more than I already do.

Also, I've never done all inclusive before. Good? Shitty? I mean fuck, it's a free trip for me, and I think they shelled out about 2500 bucks for me for a week, so I guess it can't be terrible. They told me which one it was but I forgot. I just know my flight leaves at 9AM Saturday morning, and they are all on it. Oh, I did have to pay for my airfare, those cheap fucks. It is my right to be a dick about receiving great gifts from white people. They are probably only bringing me because they know I will create a spectacle of fun, and to get white guilt street cred for bringing their "indigenous" red friend. I am sure they have plastered Facebook with details of the trip and how they are bringing a poor red bastard who has never even seen the ocean or some shit. Eat my ass, but TIA for any Jamaica info you fags have. Oh yeah, what's the story on hookers in the event the "friend" is an uptight bitch and none of the local tourists can be peeled off their husbands or boyfriends?

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Comments

  • YellowSnow
    YellowSnow Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 37,341 Founders Club
    You gonna party with Rick at Hedonism 2? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YVtEX1J7tXQ
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    YellowSnow said:

    You gonna party with Rick at Hedonism 2? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YVtEX1J7tXQ

    If it's in Jamaica, then yes, I am sure I will.
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  • UWhuskytskeet
    UWhuskytskeet Member Posts: 7,113
    GrundleStiltzkin said:

    Holy shit, give @UWhuskytskeet the 5.3 minutes.
    image
    FYFMFE

    To be fair you had the better effort.
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  • TierbsHsotBoobs
    TierbsHsotBoobs Member Posts: 39,680
    All-chinclusive resorts serve cheap booze
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  • AZDuck
    AZDuck Member Posts: 15,381
    TierbsHsotBoobs said:

    All-chinclusive resorts serve cheap booze

    This. But if you wander into Kingston or any local town and you don't get mugged, you can buy ganja by the bushel. Not sure what the prostitution scene is like, I imagine a lot like Pumpy's adventures in Gorst. But lots of "swinger" resorts like Hedonism and I think some of those groups even book out mainstreamier places. Maybe there's something your buddies aren't telling you?
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    TierbsHsotBoobs said:

    All-chinclusive resorts serve cheap booze

    This is the kind of tip I need. Thank you to Sven, and AZDuck. The rest of you suck ass.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    AZDuck said:

    TierbsHsotBoobs said:

    All-chinclusive resorts serve cheap booze

    This. But if you wander into Kingston or any local town and you don't get mugged, you can buy ganja by the bushel. Not sure what the prostitution scene is like, I imagine a lot like Pumpy's adventures in Gorst. But lots of "swinger" resorts like Hedonism and I think some of those groups even book out mainstreamier places. Maybe there's something your buddies aren't telling you?
    Hey, if they ask me to bang their wives, I will. But only if they ask nicely.

    image
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    GrundleStiltzkin said:

    Swaye said:

    TierbsHsotBoobs said:

    All-chinclusive resorts serve cheap booze

    This is the kind of tip I need. Thank you to Sven, and AZDuck. The rest of you suck ass.
    image
    Touche
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  • Mosster47
    Mosster47 Member Posts: 6,246
    Kingston is basically murder central so don't go there.

    Also, life advice. Get your shit together and get a defense contractor job or a government job. Rehab is pointless if you still do nothing and kill bugs in your spare time.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    dnc said:

    Swaye said:

    Mosster47 said:

    Kingston is basically murder central so don't go there.

    Also, life advice. Get your shit together and get a defense contractor job or a government job. Rehab is pointless if you still do nothing and kill bugs in your spare time.

    I was thinking of cleaning myself up and getting a job in consulting. Who wouldn't want advice from me?
    @Pitchfork51 should be your first client
    I laffed like an idiot hyena. Well played.
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  • GrundleStiltzkin
    GrundleStiltzkin Member Posts: 61,516 Standard Supporter
    Swaye said:

    dflea said:

    The fact that I clicked on a thread titled "Attention Faggots " is alarming.

    Fuck.

    Everyone clicked it. This bored is like image you just can't look away from.
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  • RaceBannon
    RaceBannon Member, Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 114,167 Founders Club
    Swaye said:

    Mosster47 said:

    Kingston is basically murder central so don't go there.

    Also, life advice. Get your shit together and get a defense contractor job or a government job. Rehab is pointless if you still do nothing and kill bugs in your spare time.

    I was thinking of cleaning myself up and getting a job in consulting. Who wouldn't want advice from me?
    Met a guy today who is going for his 4th retirement this week. Consulting is next

    Army, LAPD, BOA, A Security firm
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  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    edited June 2017
    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
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  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
    It's better than the shitty DR beer. I forgot what it's called but it makes keystone light taste like a double IPA.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
    It's better than the shitty DR beer. I forgot what it's called but it makes keystone light taste like a double IPA.
    Red Stripe strikes me like PBR, not good beer but good shitty beer, if you know what I mean. And before any of you assholes say it, I had my first PBR in 1988, before it was a hipster fag beer.
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  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    edited June 2017
    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
    It's better than the shitty DR beer. I forgot what it's called but it makes keystone light taste like a double IPA.
    Red Stripe strikes me like PBR, not good beer but good shitty beer, if you know what I mean. And before any of you assholes say it, I had my first PBR in 1988, before it was a hipster fag beer.
    Yeah pretty much.

    When did pbr become the hipster thing? Must be like 2011.

    Lol I remember back when I was a junior or sophomore we had a sorority over to direct the pledges to build a float or some shit. We put out like 6 thirty packs and one of them was pbr.

    After a couple hours all of the beer was gone except for the untouched pbr. Nobody liked that shit at the time. Must've been 2010 or so.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
    It's better than the shitty DR beer. I forgot what it's called but it makes keystone light taste like a double IPA.
    Red Stripe strikes me like PBR, not good beer but good shitty beer, if you know what I mean. And before any of you assholes say it, I had my first PBR in 1988, before it was a hipster fag beer.
    Yeah pretty much.

    When did pbr become the hipster thing? Must be like 2011.

    Lol I remember back when I was a junior or sophomore we had a sorority over to direct the pledges to build a float or some shit. We put out like 6 thirty packs and one of them was pbr.

    After a couple hours all of the beer was gone except for the untouched pbr. Nobody liked that shit at the time. Must've been 2010 or so.
    I gotta tell you, growing up poor on the res, PBR was a top flight cheap beer. In fact, it was THE top flight cheap beer. To this day it is the best cheap beer I have ever had, but that might owe to the fact that I drank about a hundred cases of it in high school. Weird that I became an alcoholic.
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  • Pitchfork51
    Pitchfork51 Member Posts: 27,662
    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
    It's better than the shitty DR beer. I forgot what it's called but it makes keystone light taste like a double IPA.
    Red Stripe strikes me like PBR, not good beer but good shitty beer, if you know what I mean. And before any of you assholes say it, I had my first PBR in 1988, before it was a hipster fag beer.
    Yeah pretty much.

    When did pbr become the hipster thing? Must be like 2011.

    Lol I remember back when I was a junior or sophomore we had a sorority over to direct the pledges to build a float or some shit. We put out like 6 thirty packs and one of them was pbr.

    After a couple hours all of the beer was gone except for the untouched pbr. Nobody liked that shit at the time. Must've been 2010 or so.
    I gotta tell you, growing up poor on the res, PBR was a top flight cheap beer. In fact, it was THE top flight cheap beer. To this day it is the best cheap beer I have ever had, but that might owe to the fact that I drank about a hundred cases of it in high school. Weird that I became an alcoholic.
    There was a super shitty gas station called the Pride right next to my house when I turned 21. 12.99 keystone (always warm) was the go to.
    Before I was 21 it was all mixed shooters because chicks wouldn't drink beer.

    Prestige vodka all day every day.
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  • Swaye
    Swaye Moderator, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 41,739 Founders Club
    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    Swaye said:

    Pitchfork51 said:

    I like the all inclusive. I did one a few years ago in the DR. I was with my girlfriend gay lover at the time though.

    The beer is shitty but since it's free and unlimited you can just drink it until it starts getting warm (within like 2 minutes) and dump it out for a new one.

    That's about the only thing I have to say on the topic.

    Plus from you it's like 2 hours away so pretty easy.

    I'll just suck down Red Stripes like water.
    It's better than the shitty DR beer. I forgot what it's called but it makes keystone light taste like a double IPA.
    Red Stripe strikes me like PBR, not good beer but good shitty beer, if you know what I mean. And before any of you assholes say it, I had my first PBR in 1988, before it was a hipster fag beer.
    Yeah pretty much.

    When did pbr become the hipster thing? Must be like 2011.

    Lol I remember back when I was a junior or sophomore we had a sorority over to direct the pledges to build a float or some shit. We put out like 6 thirty packs and one of them was pbr.

    After a couple hours all of the beer was gone except for the untouched pbr. Nobody liked that shit at the time. Must've been 2010 or so.
    I gotta tell you, growing up poor on the res, PBR was a top flight cheap beer. In fact, it was THE top flight cheap beer. To this day it is the best cheap beer I have ever had, but that might owe to the fact that I drank about a hundred cases of it in high school. Weird that I became an alcoholic.
    There was a super shitty gas station called the Pride right next to my house when I turned 21. 12.99 keystone (always warm) was the go to.
    Before I was 21 it was all mixed shooters because chicks wouldn't drink beer.

    Prestige vodka all day every day.
    Thank REAL God you missed the nightmare known as Zima.
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