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Sark Shitpost from Reddit (actually pretty good)
NEsnake12
Member Posts: 3,791
Husky fan and USC fan had a bet, loser of the game had to write a sarkastic essay on why their respective team needed to bring back Sark.
https://www.reddit.com/r/CFB/comments/5dpvhv/petersen_is_not_the_key_to_success_at_washington/
Apology for poor English, I'm typing this on mobile.
As we saw last Saturday, Coach Pete is not the answer for long term success at Washington. In an embarrassing loss against USC, we showed that we are not yet a contender for the playoffs, and maybe not even the best team in the Pac. Obviously, Coach Pete is not ready to lead a P5 team to greatness, which is why I suggest that we try and get a familiar name to most Huskies: Steve Sarkisian.
A Steve Sarkisian led team would never have lost to USC this year. Sark was 2-1 against his former employer, and even though he was out coached in last years loss, that was only because he thought he was leading the purple team. Let he who has never accidentally cheered their opponent while drunk cast the first stone here. Sark would have pulled out all the stops for this game, winning a nail biter, while saving our inexplicable shitting the bed for a team like Oregon State or that FCS team in Pullman. Hey, you can't win them all, and with a nickname like Seven Win Steve, you can't expect to. Petersen doesn't even have a catchy nickname. Come on.
We need to return to Sark's foundation of recruiting very talented skill players while neglecting lines at all. Petersen has managed to acquire an OL that can withstand Stanford in the trenches, but look at Stanford. They suck this year and they are incredibly boring to watch. Can you imagine Browning in Sark's system? We could see him use his legs so much more as he runs for his life from the other team's defense. With any luck, he could get so traumatized from the pressure and sacks that he goes from out Heismaning the Heismaning winner to making very accurate passes to the sidelines. #NeverForgetKeith #DefinitelyNotStillBitter
Sark has experience at a P5 school, and not just any school, but our school! Granted, this recent election has shown us you don't even need to have student council experience to be elected to the highest office in the country, but us Huskies are old school. We want someone who knows this conference, and who better than someone who ditched us mere after professing how much he loved the school? I believe people can change, plus USC wouldn't go after him again so we'd have coaching security. Coach Pete's name has been coming up with every single coaching search, and who's to say he won't be lured away like his predecessor? Sark's combination of experience and stability, plus a guaranteed seven wins (more than that questionble) would mean we'd be contending for the CFP in no time.
Finally, Sark will help rebuild Seattle's economy. Every time Sark buys the bar out of Patron and Corona, he's helping to put money in the pockets of Seattle's hardest working service professionals, and providing a place for us cheapasses without cable to watch CFB. If we can switch him to Jack Daniels and Budweiser perhaps we can support the nation's economy as a whole. You're welcome, America. You guys ever see Coach Pete running up $500 tabs at Duchess or The Ram? The man probably doesn't drink more than one beer at a time and I bet he doesn't take shots with his players. Yawn.
Huskies, we need to make a tough decision. Time to contact Jen Cohen and express our dissatisfaction with the current coaching regime. Time to hire back a man who can actually rock a visor and claimed he wanted to be the next Don James at our elite school. Make Washington great again, time to Bark for Sark
https://www.reddit.com/r/CFB/comments/5dpvhv/petersen_is_not_the_key_to_success_at_washington/
Apology for poor English, I'm typing this on mobile.
As we saw last Saturday, Coach Pete is not the answer for long term success at Washington. In an embarrassing loss against USC, we showed that we are not yet a contender for the playoffs, and maybe not even the best team in the Pac. Obviously, Coach Pete is not ready to lead a P5 team to greatness, which is why I suggest that we try and get a familiar name to most Huskies: Steve Sarkisian.
A Steve Sarkisian led team would never have lost to USC this year. Sark was 2-1 against his former employer, and even though he was out coached in last years loss, that was only because he thought he was leading the purple team. Let he who has never accidentally cheered their opponent while drunk cast the first stone here. Sark would have pulled out all the stops for this game, winning a nail biter, while saving our inexplicable shitting the bed for a team like Oregon State or that FCS team in Pullman. Hey, you can't win them all, and with a nickname like Seven Win Steve, you can't expect to. Petersen doesn't even have a catchy nickname. Come on.
We need to return to Sark's foundation of recruiting very talented skill players while neglecting lines at all. Petersen has managed to acquire an OL that can withstand Stanford in the trenches, but look at Stanford. They suck this year and they are incredibly boring to watch. Can you imagine Browning in Sark's system? We could see him use his legs so much more as he runs for his life from the other team's defense. With any luck, he could get so traumatized from the pressure and sacks that he goes from out Heismaning the Heismaning winner to making very accurate passes to the sidelines. #NeverForgetKeith #DefinitelyNotStillBitter
Sark has experience at a P5 school, and not just any school, but our school! Granted, this recent election has shown us you don't even need to have student council experience to be elected to the highest office in the country, but us Huskies are old school. We want someone who knows this conference, and who better than someone who ditched us mere after professing how much he loved the school? I believe people can change, plus USC wouldn't go after him again so we'd have coaching security. Coach Pete's name has been coming up with every single coaching search, and who's to say he won't be lured away like his predecessor? Sark's combination of experience and stability, plus a guaranteed seven wins (more than that questionble) would mean we'd be contending for the CFP in no time.
Finally, Sark will help rebuild Seattle's economy. Every time Sark buys the bar out of Patron and Corona, he's helping to put money in the pockets of Seattle's hardest working service professionals, and providing a place for us cheapasses without cable to watch CFB. If we can switch him to Jack Daniels and Budweiser perhaps we can support the nation's economy as a whole. You're welcome, America. You guys ever see Coach Pete running up $500 tabs at Duchess or The Ram? The man probably doesn't drink more than one beer at a time and I bet he doesn't take shots with his players. Yawn.
Huskies, we need to make a tough decision. Time to contact Jen Cohen and express our dissatisfaction with the current coaching regime. Time to hire back a man who can actually rock a visor and claimed he wanted to be the next Don James at our elite school. Make Washington great again, time to Bark for Sark
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