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Compare political candidates to college football coaches
PurpleJ
Member Posts: 37,450 
in Tug Tavern
Trump - Mike Leach (sound bite a minute type, locks muslims in shed, fucktarded fans, never won anything of note, is actually a decent administrative type but his air raid offense is one-dimensional)
Bernie - Sark (will say anything to make you love him, all sizzle, no steak, perverted sexual fantasies, promotes laziness)
Hillary - Helfrich (does less with more, will ruin a dynasty, never wins the big one)
Kaisch - Mike Riley (does more with less, not flashy, bidness like atmosphere, still a loser)
Cruz - Jim Harbaugh (tuff and gets results, probably a sociopath like Jim, could turn things around, but we won't be national champs if he does)
Rubio - (whoever is currently coaching Vantucky, is a loser who gets his shit pushed in by tuff SEC bullies each year, limp wrist latino rent boys don't play football anyways so this is irrelevant)
Jeb - Mike Stoops (enough said on that)
Florina - Barbara Hedges
Bernie - Sark (will say anything to make you love him, all sizzle, no steak, perverted sexual fantasies, promotes laziness)
Hillary - Helfrich (does less with more, will ruin a dynasty, never wins the big one)
Kaisch - Mike Riley (does more with less, not flashy, bidness like atmosphere, still a loser)
Cruz - Jim Harbaugh (tuff and gets results, probably a sociopath like Jim, could turn things around, but we won't be national champs if he does)
Rubio - (whoever is currently coaching Vantucky, is a loser who gets his shit pushed in by tuff SEC bullies each year, limp wrist latino rent boys don't play football anyways so this is irrelevant)
Jeb - Mike Stoops (enough said on that)
Florina - Barbara Hedges
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Bernie = Mike Price (people who know him love him, but definitely small time and you have to worry he might be fucking insane).
Hills = Ty Willingham (identity politics are all she's got; closer you get, there's no there there).
Trump = Mike Leach (just because you can scream and be an asshole doesn't mean you're Woody Hayes).
Cruz = Jim Mora (everyone thinks he's an asshole and he's done okay, but once people really examine, it's clear nothing is going to happen).
Rubio = Helfrich (handed everything he needed and got close, but ultimately not that close).
Kasich = Kyle Wittingham (got close to the big stage, then everyone realizes he doesn't belong there).
Christie = Sark (talks a good game, but the reality is a mess of beers, donuts and complete inability to make good decisions when bad ones are available; still fun to be at a bar with).
Jeb = John Mackovic (stopped caring years and years ago, thought that no effort might just work this time).
Ben Carson = Jon Embree (I specifically said!!!).
Rick Santorum = Tom Holmoe (weird relic from a different era, no particular reason for him to be around).
Rand Paul = Mike Stoops (crackpot weirdo whose entire career is based on sharing a last name with someone people actually care about; both came from the factory where white people are made to be always simultaneous pasty and sweating).
Mike Huckabee = Bill Doba (lovable loser who should not be talking to minority kids).
Scott Walker = Paul Hackett (With gigantic donors behind him all he does is prove that he is unlikeable).
Carly Fiorina = Dirk Koetter (one shining moment was a fraud; leaves one place to go to another and everyone realizes the whole thing was a sham).
CHRIST.
Carson - David shaw , well spoken, (nrc)
Neither Embree or Carson are particularly agentic.
Willingham was a self-promoting fuckwad who used some minor accomplishments in arbitrage and privileged circumstance to feed his massive ego, then unraveled himself when his self-myth-believing was pit against the real world.
Willingham's narrative fits about 90% of politicians, tbh.