Victory Coitus
So I've known this woman through our kids' school for nearly ten years now, and from time to time we've talked about our university affiliations. She's a former swimmer at furd, a few years younger than I am, who married a Cal grad (they have the Cal/furd House Divided banner) and then pumped out several kids. Yesterday I was at the health club pool with my two youngest and saw her there with her two youngest, one of whom was doing swim team laps. We exchanged pleasantries and a few passing comments as our kids frolicked in the water, and as they were leaving and her kids had run off ahead, I asked her "So, was the victory coitus especially satisfying Saturday night?" She gave me an absolutely blank look, so I went on "You know, Cal beat Texas, Stanfurd beat USC, your two teams both beat storied programs within five minutes of each other..." Her bewildered look was replaced with one of recognition, then settled on a look as if I had just gone knuckles deep in my nose, pulled out something both crusty and stringy, and offered it to her. She blurted out "Yeah. Saturday night was great." and walked off. Today at school pickup she poontedly refused to make eye contact with me.
I told my wife last night after dinner that I'd asked this woman that question, and she giggled, paused, and asked "Are you sure you know her well enough to say that?" Apparently not, it would seem. But it got me thinking: anybody else have a victory ritual that includes copulation?* To be honest, I thought it was kind of a universal thing, but my experience this week suggests that it is not.
* with another conscious/willing human being
Comments
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I just BRB, JO until I start bleeding.
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Socially awkward Berkeley alum? Shocking....
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I've missed you man
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I have my share of Larry David momentsAEB said:Socially awkward Berkeley alum? Shocking....
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are u sure the Berkeley alum is the one that was socially awkward in this instance ? do u routinely talk to random women about sex without either of your spouses around ?AEB said:Socially awkward Berkeley alum? Shocking....
p.s. great story tho. and i love the attempt -
Pretty sure given the story I just read. While Berkeley alums maybe socially awkward, I usually don't accuse of them of illiteracy.Satchel said:
are u sure the Berkeley alum is the one that was socially awkward in this instance ? do u routinely talk to random women about sex without either of your spouses around ?AEB said:Socially awkward Berkeley alum? Shocking....
p.s. great story tho. and i love the attempt
Sounds like a great La Morinda story -
I'm not married with kids, but I imagine asking a married woman at a swimming pool how the sex with her husband was last week wouldn't go over well.
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I think she's pissed you didn't realize the weekend ended in a push ...
Which means she had to reciprocate with a victory fellatio ... or it was victory 69
Had Cal lost, you would have been met with a wink and a nod. -
We live in the Santa Cruz suburbs. It's a little different here than, say, Battle Ground.Doogles said:I'm not married with kids, but I imagine asking a married woman at a swimming pool how the sex with her husband was last week wouldn't go over well.
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Why the fuck would a Cal alum care about their football team?
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Double poast
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As a duck with Oregon affiliations, "conscious" and "willing" aren't high on the ol' priority list donchaknowBearsWiin said:It would seem that not everybody is aware of this practice.
So I've known this woman through our kids' school for nearly ten years now, and from time to time we've talked about our university affiliations. She's a former swimmer at furd, a few years younger than I am, who married a Cal grad (they have the Cal/furd House Divided banner) and then pumped out several kids. Yesterday I was at the health club pool with my two youngest and saw her there with her two youngest, one of whom was doing swim team laps. We exchanged pleasantries and a few passing comments as our kids frolicked in the water, and as they were leaving and her kids had run off ahead, I asked her "So, was the victory coitus especially satisfying Saturday night?" She gave me an absolutely blank look, so I went on "You know, Cal beat Texas, Stanfurd beat USC, your two teams both beat storied programs within five minutes of each other..." Her bewildered look was replaced with one of recognition, then settled on a look as if I had just gone knuckles deep in my nose, pulled out something both crusty and stringy, and offered it to her. She blurted out "Yeah. Saturday night was great." and walked off. Today at school pickup she poontedly refused to make eye contact with me.
I told my wife last night after dinner that I'd asked this woman that question, and she giggled, paused, and asked "Are you sure you know her well enough to say that?" Apparently not, it would seem. But it got me thinking: anybody else have a victory ritual that includes copulation?* To be honest, I thought it was kind of a universal thing, but my experience this week suggests that it is not.
* with another conscious/willing human being -
Because Andy Smith, duhPostGameOrangeSlices said:Why the fuck would a Cal alum care about their football team?
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Next time you see her ask if you can discipline her 2-hole.
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Well, I actually included "willing" with the Huskieie fans in mind, "conscious" with the Cuog fans in mind, and "human" with the Barkrat fans in mind. My inner AptosDuck told me to be kind to the Quacks.AZDuck said:
As a duck with Oregon affiliations, "conscious" and "willing" aren't high on the ol' priority list donchaknow -
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I don't have a win ritual..I get laid regularly. But I do feverishly beat off when other teams lose.
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Wait, am I the only one too drunk Saturday nights during football season that I can't even get it up let alone have victory coitus?
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Victory coitus requires a coitus worthy victory, something UW hasn't given us many of since I was a teenager.
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"The Santa Cruz suburbs" ?? That's like someone saying they live in the Marysville suburbs.BearsWiin said:
We live in the Santa Cruz suburbs. It's a little different here than, say, Battle Ground.Doogles said:I'm not married with kids, but I imagine asking a married woman at a swimming pool how the sex with her husband was last week wouldn't go over well.
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99% of the girls I know would have no fucking clue what coitus was. I had to look it up myself.Doogles said:I'm not married with kids, but I imagine asking a married woman at a swimming pool how the sex with her husband was last week wouldn't go over well.
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Thread doesn't deliver.
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Women are idiots. But you really should be better than that.RoadDawg55 said:
99% of the girls I know would have no fucking clue what coitus was. I had to look it up myself.Doogles said:I'm not married with kids, but I imagine asking a married woman at a swimming pool how the sex with her husband was last week wouldn't go over well.
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I have a post game ritual. Fall down. Piss on self.
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Maybe she's been a cal fan for a decade to avoid the coitus rape culture, and you just reminded her of her worst fear
DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? -
I thought it was the post game JO session.
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Win or lose I like to commit at least one parking lot rape after the game. Or before.BearsWiin said:It would seem that not everybody is aware of this practice.
So I've known this woman through our kids' school for nearly ten years now, and from time to time we've talked about our university affiliations. She's a former swimmer at furd, a few years younger than I am, who married a Cal grad (they have the Cal/furd House Divided banner) and then pumped out several kids. Yesterday I was at the health club pool with my two youngest and saw her there with her two youngest, one of whom was doing swim team laps. We exchanged pleasantries and a few passing comments as our kids frolicked in the water, and as they were leaving and her kids had run off ahead, I asked her "So, was the victory coitus especially satisfying Saturday night?" She gave me an absolutely blank look, so I went on "You know, Cal beat Texas, Stanfurd beat USC, your two teams both beat storied programs within five minutes of each other..." Her bewildered look was replaced with one of recognition, then settled on a look as if I had just gone knuckles deep in my nose, pulled out something both crusty and stringy, and offered it to her. She blurted out "Yeah. Saturday night was great." and walked off. Today at school pickup she poontedly refused to make eye contact with me.
I told my wife last night after dinner that I'd asked this woman that question, and she giggled, paused, and asked "Are you sure you know her well enough to say that?" Apparently not, it would seem. But it got me thinking: anybody else have a victory ritual that includes copulation?* To be honest, I thought it was kind of a universal thing, but my experience this week suggests that it is not.
* with another conscious/willing human being
I thought it was kind of a universal thing too.
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@DerekJohnson, is @VictoryCoitusDawg still available?
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While attending the elementary school harvest festival last night with my family, I had an opportunity to chat with the furd woman whom I thought I'd offended at the pool a few weeks ago with the VC comment. So I excused myself from my wife and sidled on up to her as she spoke to another neighbor woman of the same first name. She turned as she noticed me, with a big smile on her face and "Oh, heyyy! How are you?" on her lips, then adopted a look of mild perplexity as she saw my brow furrowed as I launched into my aplology. I explained that my wife had suggested that my comments might be excessively and improperly familiar, and that I may have offended her, to which she threw her head back with a loud cackle and replied "Oh my GOD, no! There are very few things you could say that might bother me, and that's not one of them!" She then proceeded to fill in the other woman on what we were talking about, and that it was a Cal-furd thing, and we've been back-and-forthing for years, yada yada. At times during the exchange she put her hand on my shoulder and caressed my upper arm, and after the few moments we had together I figured that she was indeed sincere, and that my perceived offense was all in my own head, planted there by my conniving wife.
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You two need to cyber already.BearsWiin said:While attending the elementary school harvest festival last night with my family, I had an opportunity to chat with the furd woman whom I thought I'd offended at the pool a few weeks ago with the VC comment. So I excused myself from my wife and sidled on up to her as she spoke to another neighbor woman of the same first name. She turned as she noticed me, with a big smile on her face and "Oh, heyyy! How are you?" on her lips, then adopted a look of mild perplexity as she saw my brow furrowed as I launched into my aplology. I explained that my wife had suggested that my comments might be excessively and improperly familiar, and that I may have offended her, to which she threw her head back with a loud cackle and replied "Oh my GOD, no! There are very few things you could say that might bother me, and that's not one of them!" She then proceeded to fill in the other woman on what we were talking about, and that it was a Cal-furd thing, and we've been back-and-forthing for years, yada yada. At times during the exchange she put her hand on my shoulder and caressed my upper arm, and after the few moments we had together I figured that she was indeed sincere, and that my perceived offense was all in my own head, planted there by my conniving wife.
