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Wesley Morris' Ted 2 Review
RoadDawg55
Member Posts: 30,147
in Tug Tavern
Whenever we have talked about Grantland here, I always have to get in some Wesley Morris bashing. This guy has actually won awards for his fucking reviews. Every single movie review he writes seems to be about how blacks and gays are portrayed. Wesley Morris deserves a brick thrown at his head. He actually was offended by a movie about a talking teddy bear. If you don't like Ted and think it's stupid, fine, but if you're going to get offended and upset by Ted, you should probably do the world a favor and DIAFF.
http://grantland.com/features/dumber-than-your-average-bear/
Here's an excerpt to entice some of you to read this shit.
One giant rack of apparently unfastened containers falls on John, leaving him soaking and screaming on the floor. Ted laughs. So do we, because watching Walhberg degrade himself this emphatically is funny. It’s one of the few times in any movie that an emotion really surfaces on his face, and that the emotion is disgust somehow makes it funnier. Someone from the clinic comes in alarmed, but says not to worry. John’s only been doused with the unusable sperm of men with sickle cell. There’s no explanation of sickle cell’s being a blood disease that potentially affects the health of about 100,000 Americans, most of whom are African American. There’s just Ted, connecting the dots enough to say, through his laughter, that John shouldn’t feel bad. “You see that? You’re covered in rejected black guys’ sperm,” he says. “You’re like a Kardashian!”
It’s possible that at the theater where you watch this movie, the initial laughter will be too loud to hear Ted’s punch line. But I imagine that if Kanye West were to wind up in the audience, the punch would feel actionably real. MacFarlane’s inept attempt to meat-grind race into comedy doesn’t end there. Ted and John share a running joke about the predominance of black penises on the Internet. (You’re always no more than two clicks away, John more or less says.) And when Ted and Tami-Lynn discover that — because she was once a junkie-whore — children aren’t possible biologically, they attempt to adopt, only to be told that Ted isn’t a human. He’s property. There goes his cashier job, his bank account, and his dignity. There also went my patience.
When Ted and John lift the bedsheet over Tom Brady’s genitals, they’re bathed in the same golden light that shined from whatever’s in that briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Calling Brady’s junk holy would be funnier if this movie weren’t simultaneously implying that Cam Newton’s is scary.
http://grantland.com/features/dumber-than-your-average-bear/
Here's an excerpt to entice some of you to read this shit.
One giant rack of apparently unfastened containers falls on John, leaving him soaking and screaming on the floor. Ted laughs. So do we, because watching Walhberg degrade himself this emphatically is funny. It’s one of the few times in any movie that an emotion really surfaces on his face, and that the emotion is disgust somehow makes it funnier. Someone from the clinic comes in alarmed, but says not to worry. John’s only been doused with the unusable sperm of men with sickle cell. There’s no explanation of sickle cell’s being a blood disease that potentially affects the health of about 100,000 Americans, most of whom are African American. There’s just Ted, connecting the dots enough to say, through his laughter, that John shouldn’t feel bad. “You see that? You’re covered in rejected black guys’ sperm,” he says. “You’re like a Kardashian!”
It’s possible that at the theater where you watch this movie, the initial laughter will be too loud to hear Ted’s punch line. But I imagine that if Kanye West were to wind up in the audience, the punch would feel actionably real. MacFarlane’s inept attempt to meat-grind race into comedy doesn’t end there. Ted and John share a running joke about the predominance of black penises on the Internet. (You’re always no more than two clicks away, John more or less says.) And when Ted and Tami-Lynn discover that — because she was once a junkie-whore — children aren’t possible biologically, they attempt to adopt, only to be told that Ted isn’t a human. He’s property. There goes his cashier job, his bank account, and his dignity. There also went my patience.
When Ted and John lift the bedsheet over Tom Brady’s genitals, they’re bathed in the same golden light that shined from whatever’s in that briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Calling Brady’s junk holy would be funnier if this movie weren’t simultaneously implying that Cam Newton’s is scary.
Comments
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Fuck him. I'll never read his reviews again.
I don't know if this is the minority of people being loud or if this you can't make jokes crowd is really growing. Either way I'm just not going to support anyone that does this. -
The fact anyone is actually trying to make a serious review out of "TED" is reason enough to FYFMFE. It's a comedy about a talking bear, not about selma or rosa parks. It's not supposed to be serious. The interwebs is slowly ruining TV and Movies by their need to pick each episode or movie apart.
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He and Papademus should just commit suicide already. I can't listen to their pod, it's depressing as shit.
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He sounds like a pompous hipster.
Look, I never saw Ted 1. It looked really stupid and fuck Marky Mark. The bear has the exact same voice as Peter Griffin and that's lazy. It just looked like a movie for 8th grade boys and morons (no offense to anyone). But it is a fucking comedy. This guy would probably think it was genius if Chapelle or Kevin Hart said the same lines. -
Crisped for black bears.Fire_Marshall_Bill said:He sounds like a pompous hipster.
Look, I never saw Ted 1. It looked really stupid and fuck Marky Mark. The bear has the exact same voice as Peter Griffin and that's lazy. It just looked like a movie for 8th grade boys and morons (no offense to anyone). But it is a fucking comedy. This guy would probably think it was genius if Chapelle or Kevin Hart said the same lines.
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Or the voiceover for a brown bear:
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Ted 1 wasn't good. 20% good jokes, 80% pressing.Fire_Marshall_Bill said:He sounds like a pompous hipster.
Look, I never saw Ted 1. It looked really stupid and fuck Marky Mark. The bear has the exact same voice as Peter Griffin and that's lazy. It just looked like a movie for 8th grade boys and morons (no offense to anyone). But it is a fucking comedy. This guy would probably think it was genius if Chapelle or Kevin Hart said the same lines. -
Wesley Morris... I don't think I have read a single positive review from this guy. It's only fun to read when he is bashing a movie you didn't like.
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This is pretty indicative of most of grantland. they went from being a somewhat interesting off shoot of ESPN and their North east/SEC media blow job, to now becoming the hipster asshole capital of the world. Pretty much the entire site(and subsequent podcasts) have gone into the toilet.
I'll be interested to see how much backing the site gets now that BS is gone. The traffic there hasn't be crazy good with BS. I have a feeling the site will be gone within a couple years.
