Post About TImes You Sh*t Your Pants And What Happened Next

haie · June 2018

UW won a conference title.

Then proceeded to black out.

1to392831weretaken · June 2018

Coming out of the grocery store carrying a big box of various 22s for a BBQ that had just started at my house. Walking across the parking lot to my car, feel a nice fart coming on, let fly. Noooooot a fart.

I quickly start doing the math: I'm wearing my only pair of jeans that aren't currently in the washing machine. I've got a ton of people over at my house. This last pair of jeans is all that stand between me and an esplanaishun to everyone when I get home. So I stuff the box o' beer in the back seat, pull jeans down to knees, sacrifice car seat, and start the short drive home. 2.2 miles, almost entirely back roads. No problem. Right until I see the flashing red and blue in my rear view mirror. Against all odds, this would have to be the day that the cops noticed my expired tabs.

Now I have another decision to make. I can sit there with my pants around my knees and a giant box of beer in the backseat and try talking my way out of an almost certain field sobriety test or I can pull my last pair of clean pants up over my shitty ass. Sorry, car seat, your sacrifice was for naught...

Got a ticket, got home, entered my house through the only door, and made the walk of shame through the crowd. After a quick shower, I ended up spending the rest of the party in some old grubby sweatpants. Luckily the Huskies sucked back then, so no risk of embarrassing sweatpants boner while watching the game.

Ate a burger, got drunk. The end.

Alabama game kinda sucked too.

Baphomet · June 2018

I've never shit my pants but once when I was 7 years old I took a dump in the wastebasket under the desk of a salesperson in an appliance store because my aunt & uncle (I was visiting my cousin) and this salesperson were so busy talking to each other that nobody would tell me where the restroom was and I really had to shit.

1to392831weretaken · June 2018

Baphomet said:
I've never shit my pants but once when I was 7 years old I took a dump in the wastebasket under the desk of a salesperson in an appliance store because my aunt & uncle (I was visiting my cousin) and this salesperson were so busy talking to each other that nobody would tell me where the restroom was and I really had to shit.

Then you're not drinking right!

PurpleJ · June 2018

Tonight I had one of those sputtering diarrhea episodes where it doesn't all come out. I'm afraid to go to sleep for fear of shitting my pants in my sleep. I can feel the liquid poop brewing in my sphincter.

Swaye · June 2018

1to392831weretaken said:
Coming out of the grocery store carrying a big box of various 22s for a BBQ that had just started at my house. Walking across the parking lot to my car, feel a nice fart coming on, let fly. Noooooot a fart.

I quickly start doing the math: I'm wearing my only pair of jeans that aren't currently in the washing machine. I've got a ton of people over at my house. This last pair of jeans is all that stand between me and an esplanaishun to everyone when I get home. So I stuff the box o' beer in the back seat, pull jeans down to knees, sacrifice car seat, and start the short drive home. 2.2 miles, almost entirely back roads. No problem. Right until I see the flashing red and blue in my rear view mirror. Against all odds, this would have to be the day that the cops noticed my expired tabs.

Now I have another decision to make. I can sit there with my pants around my knees and a giant box of beer in the backseat and try talking my way out of an almost certain field sobriety test or I can pull my last pair of clean pants up over my shitty ass. Sorry, car seat, your sacrifice was for naught...

Got a ticket, got home, entered my house through the only door, and made the walk of shame through the crowd. After a quick shower, I ended up spending the rest of the party in some old grubby sweatpants. Luckily the Huskies sucked back then, so no risk of embarrassing sweatpants boner while watching the game.

Ate a burger, got drunk. The end.

Alabama game kinda sucked too.

Actually a CSB

CFetters_Nacho_Lover · June 2018

Which story do you want to hear?

When I lived in Germany, I'd go for a run in the morning and I swear to god, running makes me shit. There were at least 6 different times when I was in the middle of a forest preserve area and I stepped off the trail to shit.