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Ten things I want to see happen during spring ball
Dennis_DeYoung
Member Posts: 14,754
After the majorly depressing Husky Combine (mostly depressing because Jomon Dotson dominated), I started thinking about what kind of testicle drubbing we are in for during spring ball. Drinking about it for a second, I realized there are basically 10 things (more or less) I would like to see happen during this spring (without calls for death) that would improve our program as much as is possible given that the worst offensive mind in the universe is our HC.
Without further ado:
1. Easily the most important thing is a Jake injury. The Mark Brunell kind where he won't redshirt, but won't start the season so *insert player here* can Pipp him.
2. Tevis moved to MIK. It seems like this is a given, but I have been hoping for it for a while. Tevis isn't an edge rusher, I mean, who is? They are magic players not available to anything but elite programs like NC State, UTSA, Wisconsin, Utah, Rutgers, Toledo and Boston College.
3. Jomon Dotson in the rep line behind the red-headed kid and a cardboard cutout of Dominique Hampton, which on the back says 'Montana State needs you, brodie - Sincerely, Bryce Sterk, Darren Gardenhire, etc.' in Jimmy Lake's handwriting.
4. This list is hard to complete inside the constraint of 'no calls for death', but what is the correct fate for Kyler Manu? Not only did his roster spot prevent us from taking someone like Cade Beresford (hope springs anew!), but he failed to bring us Togiai and he is about as effective as Hondo in the Tug. However, he must have the IQ of @Sledog because for some reason he won't leave. I don't know why. Kyler, I like you as a person but once it gets to this point, I have to root for injury or I'm not a UW fan.
5. Bush Hamdan to install an offense that makes some semblance of sense based on our personnel. I know that with Pete this will literally never happen. I know that Kellen Moore and Kirby whatever his last name was and Ian Johnson etc aren't walking through that door just as much as the next person, but apparently Pete does not understand that offensive complexity is a detriment if you want to play young/talented players LIKE WE HAVE. The good news here is... actually nothing. We are fucked and we are going to end up playing Our 3-headed JAG (Baccelia, Fuller, Pounds) over a bunch of talented kids because it takes 17 years to learn an offense this shitty.
6. Henry Roberts finally show he is not just the Jeff Lindquist of the offensive line. Henry, I know you grew up in Bellevue and you're a rich white guy, but at least try to pretend you care. Or at least play long enough to let someone injure Jake.
7. DJ Beavers to play at WIL along-side Tevis at MIK. That's actually a great ILB combo for us.
8. Ikaika Malloe stop using English altogether. This one is coming at some point and I welcome it. Just slip into mumbling and pidgin full time and no more English. It will be good for our new kids and for our older kids it will be a cultural experience. I would love to see Jaylen coming in looking like Predator and going out looking like a dork, speaking like Shane Brostek.
9. Keith Bonapha accidentally tweet a DM that had been intended for Sean McGrew's girlfriend (or mother). This is the logical conclusion of KB's time here, "Let's blaze and watch the sunrise over LW from my office while I fuck you up against the window" seems like a fitting end.
10. Joe Tryon beat out Ryan Bowman. I see this as the key to the season on D. It's a throwaway season because of Brownsocks, but on D it doesn't have to be if somehow Tryon is good. PLEASE GOD FORGET HE WENT TO HAZEN!
Honorable Mention things I'd like to see:
- Josiah Bronson, Jared Pulu, Shane Bowman to form a walk-on Haka Club.
- Myles Bryant fall between two blades of fieldturf and be forgotten.
- BBK, Isaiah Gilchrist and Brandon Wellington to all have to wear shirts that say 'Size isn't everything, we are proof!'
- Jesse Sosebee to try to get ICE to deport Henry Bainivalu in an attempt to win the job at RG.
- Myles Gaskin to change his name to Myles Gaskin-Shoyinka.
- Jordan Chin's dad to replace him on the roster.
- I want to see Pete clapping along and grinning ear-to-ear as Austin Osborne, Colson Yankoff, Jackson and Jacob Sirmon form a barbershop quartet called the Four Freshmen and serenade the team after every practice.
- JoJo McIntosh to take one good angle. Just one.
- Joey Thomas to be arrested for masturbating in Pete's private shower to a picture of Paul Arnold.
Without further ado:
1. Easily the most important thing is a Jake injury. The Mark Brunell kind where he won't redshirt, but won't start the season so *insert player here* can Pipp him.
2. Tevis moved to MIK. It seems like this is a given, but I have been hoping for it for a while. Tevis isn't an edge rusher, I mean, who is? They are magic players not available to anything but elite programs like NC State, UTSA, Wisconsin, Utah, Rutgers, Toledo and Boston College.
3. Jomon Dotson in the rep line behind the red-headed kid and a cardboard cutout of Dominique Hampton, which on the back says 'Montana State needs you, brodie - Sincerely, Bryce Sterk, Darren Gardenhire, etc.' in Jimmy Lake's handwriting.
4. This list is hard to complete inside the constraint of 'no calls for death', but what is the correct fate for Kyler Manu? Not only did his roster spot prevent us from taking someone like Cade Beresford (hope springs anew!), but he failed to bring us Togiai and he is about as effective as Hondo in the Tug. However, he must have the IQ of @Sledog because for some reason he won't leave. I don't know why. Kyler, I like you as a person but once it gets to this point, I have to root for injury or I'm not a UW fan.
5. Bush Hamdan to install an offense that makes some semblance of sense based on our personnel. I know that with Pete this will literally never happen. I know that Kellen Moore and Kirby whatever his last name was and Ian Johnson etc aren't walking through that door just as much as the next person, but apparently Pete does not understand that offensive complexity is a detriment if you want to play young/talented players LIKE WE HAVE. The good news here is... actually nothing. We are fucked and we are going to end up playing Our 3-headed JAG (Baccelia, Fuller, Pounds) over a bunch of talented kids because it takes 17 years to learn an offense this shitty.
6. Henry Roberts finally show he is not just the Jeff Lindquist of the offensive line. Henry, I know you grew up in Bellevue and you're a rich white guy, but at least try to pretend you care. Or at least play long enough to let someone injure Jake.
7. DJ Beavers to play at WIL along-side Tevis at MIK. That's actually a great ILB combo for us.
8. Ikaika Malloe stop using English altogether. This one is coming at some point and I welcome it. Just slip into mumbling and pidgin full time and no more English. It will be good for our new kids and for our older kids it will be a cultural experience. I would love to see Jaylen coming in looking like Predator and going out looking like a dork, speaking like Shane Brostek.
9. Keith Bonapha accidentally tweet a DM that had been intended for Sean McGrew's girlfriend (or mother). This is the logical conclusion of KB's time here, "Let's blaze and watch the sunrise over LW from my office while I fuck you up against the window" seems like a fitting end.
10. Joe Tryon beat out Ryan Bowman. I see this as the key to the season on D. It's a throwaway season because of Brownsocks, but on D it doesn't have to be if somehow Tryon is good. PLEASE GOD FORGET HE WENT TO HAZEN!
Honorable Mention things I'd like to see:
- Josiah Bronson, Jared Pulu, Shane Bowman to form a walk-on Haka Club.
- Myles Bryant fall between two blades of fieldturf and be forgotten.
- BBK, Isaiah Gilchrist and Brandon Wellington to all have to wear shirts that say 'Size isn't everything, we are proof!'
- Jesse Sosebee to try to get ICE to deport Henry Bainivalu in an attempt to win the job at RG.
- Myles Gaskin to change his name to Myles Gaskin-Shoyinka.
- Jordan Chin's dad to replace him on the roster.
- I want to see Pete clapping along and grinning ear-to-ear as Austin Osborne, Colson Yankoff, Jackson and Jacob Sirmon form a barbershop quartet called the Four Freshmen and serenade the team after every practice.
- JoJo McIntosh to take one good angle. Just one.
- Joey Thomas to be arrested for masturbating in Pete's private shower to a picture of Paul Arnold.
Comments
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I think we know who the JoJo Mathis football players are people too comment was directed at.
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One thing I would like to see during spring ball:
a pod -
I doubt the overall offense is going to change. Unfortunately, the run pass ratio probably won’t either.
However, I don’t think we’re stuck with the jag shitshow from last year. The coaches aren’t completely retarded: those guys only did anything against Utah and Colorado two talentless, worthless programs.
It’s going to be Jones, Bryant, and Osborne with Gaskin and Chico back. Ahmed too. That’s enough talent to bail out Browning. -
I would have settled for 5 things.
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Trigger warning @GrandpaSankey
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5. Bush Hamdan to install an offense that makes some semblance of sense based on our personnel. I know that with Pete this will literally never happen. I know that Kellen Moore and Kirby whatever his last name was and Ian Johnson etc aren't walking through that door just as much as the next person, but apparently Pete does not understand that offensive complexity is a detriment if you want to play young/talented players LIKE WE HAVE. The good news here is... actually nothing. We are fucked and we are going to end up playing Our 3-headed JAG (Baccelia, Fuller, Pounds) over a bunch of talented kids because it takes 17 years to learn an offense this shitty.
It doesn't get any better than this. YBFE -
I actually do expect the ratio to change based on having Gaskin and Ahmed in the backfield and an o-line that can push and pull better than pass protect. That ratio could be deceiving if there are a lot of screen passes to Gaskin and McClutchens though.haie said:I doubt the overall offense is going to change. Unfortunately, the run pass ratio probably won’t either.
However, I don’t think we’re stuck with the jag shitshow from last year. The coaches aren’t completely retarded: those guys only did anything against Utah and Colorado two talentless, worthless programs.
It’s going to be Jones, Bryant, and Osborne with Gaskin and Chico back. Ahmed too. That’s enough talent to bail out Browning. -
The ratio is not a good enough number here.Meek said:
I actually do expect the ratio to change based on having Gaskin and Ahmed in the backfield and an o-line that can push and pull better than pass protect. That ratio could be deceiving if there are a lot of screen passes to Gaskin and McClutchens though.haie said:I doubt the overall offense is going to change. Unfortunately, the run pass ratio probably won’t either.
However, I don’t think we’re stuck with the jag shitshow from last year. The coaches aren’t completely retarded: those guys only did anything against Utah and Colorado two talentless, worthless programs.
It’s going to be Jones, Bryant, and Osborne with Gaskin and Chico back. Ahmed too. That’s enough talent to bail out Browning.
IDGAF if we are up on Oregon State and run the ball 54 times in the second half.
I would really like to see us run the ball enough to become good at it. I’m not sure we ever really do that. We are all-in on the “Jag of all trades, master of none” offense that helps you when you have no talent, but hinders you when you have to actually be good at something.
Even though it’s not perfect, a better number is our r/p ratio at the end of the first half.
We are very fortunate to be killing most teams these days and so the second halves of 40% of our games don’t matter much.
What I would really like to see is Sosebee, Harris and Roberts start on the interior vs. Auburn and us pass every down. We’re never winning that game anyway and we can maximize the rest of our chances to win. -
PurpleBaze said:
I would have settled for 5
thingsreasons. -
Dennis_DeYoung said:
9. Keith Bonapha accidentally tweet a DM that had been intended for Sean McGrew's girlfriend (or mother). This is the logical conclusion of KB's time here, "Let's blaze and watch the sunrise over LW from my office while I fuck you up against the window" seems like a fitting end.
I have a feeling KP's home page is Brazzers.com
Honorable Mention things I'd like to see:
- Myles Bryant fall between two blades of fieldturf and be forgotten.
I know you're being sarcastic but Myles Bryant isn't small enough to do this. He's close but fieldturf blades are really really small.
- Jesse Sosebee to try to get ICE to deport Henry Bainivalu in an attempt to win the job at RG.
I'm now in support of defunding ICE.
- Joey Thomas to be arrested for masturbating in Pete's private shower to a picture of Paul Arnold.
#mylancers
