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Compare political candidates to college football coaches
PurpleJ
Member Posts: 37,643 
in Tug Tavern
Trump - Mike Leach (sound bite a minute type, locks muslims in shed, fucktarded fans, never won anything of note, is actually a decent administrative type but his air raid offense is one-dimensional)
Bernie - Sark (will say anything to make you love him, all sizzle, no steak, perverted sexual fantasies, promotes laziness)
Hillary - Helfrich (does less with more, will ruin a dynasty, never wins the big one)
Kaisch - Mike Riley (does more with less, not flashy, bidness like atmosphere, still a loser)
Cruz - Jim Harbaugh (tuff and gets results, probably a sociopath like Jim, could turn things around, but we won't be national champs if he does)
Rubio - (whoever is currently coaching Vantucky, is a loser who gets his shit pushed in by tuff SEC bullies each year, limp wrist latino rent boys don't play football anyways so this is irrelevant)
Jeb - Mike Stoops (enough said on that)
Florina - Barbara Hedges
Bernie - Sark (will say anything to make you love him, all sizzle, no steak, perverted sexual fantasies, promotes laziness)
Hillary - Helfrich (does less with more, will ruin a dynasty, never wins the big one)
Kaisch - Mike Riley (does more with less, not flashy, bidness like atmosphere, still a loser)
Cruz - Jim Harbaugh (tuff and gets results, probably a sociopath like Jim, could turn things around, but we won't be national champs if he does)
Rubio - (whoever is currently coaching Vantucky, is a loser who gets his shit pushed in by tuff SEC bullies each year, limp wrist latino rent boys don't play football anyways so this is irrelevant)
Jeb - Mike Stoops (enough said on that)
Florina - Barbara Hedges
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Comments
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Restricting it to Pac-12 coaches...
Bernie = Mike Price (people who know him love him, but definitely small time and you have to worry he might be fucking insane).
Hills = Ty Willingham (identity politics are all she's got; closer you get, there's no there there).
Trump = Mike Leach (just because you can scream and be an asshole doesn't mean you're Woody Hayes).
Cruz = Jim Mora (everyone thinks he's an asshole and he's done okay, but once people really examine, it's clear nothing is going to happen).
Rubio = Helfrich (handed everything he needed and got close, but ultimately not that close).
Kasich = Kyle Wittingham (got close to the big stage, then everyone realizes he doesn't belong there).
Christie = Sark (talks a good game, but the reality is a mess of beers, donuts and complete inability to make good decisions when bad ones are available; still fun to be at a bar with).
Jeb = John Mackovic (stopped caring years and years ago, thought that no effort might just work this time).
Ben Carson = Jon Embree (I specifically said!!!).
Rick Santorum = Tom Holmoe (weird relic from a different era, no particular reason for him to be around).
Rand Paul = Mike Stoops (crackpot weirdo whose entire career is based on sharing a last name with someone people actually care about; both came from the factory where white people are made to be always simultaneous pasty and sweating).
Mike Huckabee = Bill Doba (lovable loser who should not be talking to minority kids).
Scott Walker = Paul Hackett (With gigantic donors behind him all he does is prove that he is unlikeable).
Carly Fiorina = Dirk Koetter (one shining moment was a fraud; leaves one place to go to another and everyone realizes the whole thing was a sham). -
Ben Carson is Ty Willingham
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Hill Clinton - sark, best candidate in the country , gets by on name recognition, people want her because of her association with a previous dynasty, will say anything to win over recruits. Also getting indicted.
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Fucking one note bullshit. If you are going to poast, at least say something funny.Muttzen said:Hill Clinton - sark, best candidate in the country , gets by on name recognition, people want her because of her association with a previous dynasty, will say anything to win over recruits. Also getting indicted.
CHRIST. -
Changing Cruz from Harbaugh to Mora. Harbaugh lite.
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Rubio - peterman, one is a robot , the other is a piece of cardboard, neither has sent a thank you card to dj
Carson - David shaw , well spoken, (nrc)
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If you can't see Carson is Willingham because he a) does things the right way and b) really doesn't want to be here I can't help you.Muttzen said:Rubio - peterman, one is a robot , the other is a piece of cardboard, neither has sent a thank you card to dj
Carson - David shaw , well spoken, (nrc) -
Carson is Embree. He was cluelessly plucked from obscurity for no reason but that the people in charge wanted a mild-mannered droopy dog black dude to appeal to people.dnc said:
If you can't see Carson is Willingham because he a) does things the right way and b) really doesn't want to be here I can't help you.Muttzen said:Rubio - peterman, one is a robot , the other is a piece of cardboard, neither has sent a thank you card to dj
Carson - David shaw , well spoken, (nrc)
Neither Embree or Carson are particularly agentic.
Willingham was a self-promoting fuckwad who used some minor accomplishments in arbitrage and privileged circumstance to feed his massive ego, then unraveled himself when his self-myth-believing was pit against the real world.
Willingham's narrative fits about 90% of politicians, tbh. -
Jeb! is 100% Mike Stoops. Tried and failed to do his own thing (coach at Arizona), but that failed and now he's back in his big brother Bob's shadow.
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Bernie is Chip Kelly. Both come from small north eastern states. Brilliant on one specific issue. Bernie is pretending to be a democrat like how Oregon pretended to be a national powerhouse. Lots of sexy highlights and stats. The haters are almost always way off base in their criticism but it'll seem like they were right because ultimately not good enough to win a championship.
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You forgot gay.allpurpleallgold said:Bernie is Chip Kelly. Both come from small north eastern states. Brilliant on one specific issue. Bernie is pretending to be a democrat like how Oregon pretended to be a national powerhouse. Lots of sexy highlights and stats. The haters are almost always way off base in their criticism but it'll seem like they were right because ultimately not good enough to win a championship.
