How much longer will doogman survive?

Allow me to recount our experience with a band of Hebrew zealots back in the 70's. Bear in mind that Charon had already ferried me across the River Styx. And Pluto, having grown weary of my presence in the infernal realm, was hunting for an excuse to banish me after he caught me groping Persephone's rack while he was out harvesting souls one evening. To assuage his wrath I proposed that he transform me into a shade and allow me to return to Gaia. He granted the request and temporarily suspended mortus in order to banninate me.

Believe me when I say I would have flown like an apis to my favorite brothel to deposit my honey inside the best hives that denari can buy. But what a bad day to be a ghost, man. So I settled for the next best thing. I purloined a horse from Pluto's stable (it was none other than Incitatus; hi Caligula!!11!!!!) and rode to Masada to join my countrymen in the siege on the Hebrew rebels.

Now If you are one of those plebes that believes every scroll that you read, you will think that the rebels were the good guys and we were the bad guys. Well I'm here to tell you that Flavius Josephus had it all wrong. You see we captured that fucking Heeb in the siege of Yodfat. He had been out of action for a long time. Yet can you believe someone actually paid the fucker 1,095 denari to publish his "inside information?"

Let me tell you the rebels weren't noble at all. One of their leaders was a corpulent glutton who gorged himself on oxtail stew. You could smell the soup slime on his beard from an actus away. The one ranked above him was a disagreeable little incubus who had failed in the domus market, only to bitterly resign himself to leading a band of ardent kikes who would gladly spill like lemmings into the sea if he demanded it of them. They fucked their wives. They fucked their mistresses. They fucked their concubines. Some of them even fucked their goats. Noble? Fuck Josephus and the ass that he rode in on.

Long story short, our siege took 3 years. It required patience and cunning. But in the end, as the saying goes, we came, we saw, we conquered.

Octavian said:

Allow me to recount our experience with a band of Hebrew zealots back in the 70's. Bear in mind that Charon had already ferried me across the River Styx. And Pluto, having grown weary of my presence in the infernal realm, was hunting for an excuse to banish me after he caught me groping Persephone's rack while he was out harvesting souls one evening. To assuage his wrath I proposed that he transform me into a shade and allow me to return to Gaia. He granted the request and temporarily suspended mortus in order to banninate me.

Believe me when I say I would have flown like an apis to my favorite brothel to deposit my honey inside the best hives that denari can buy. But what a bad day to be a ghost, man. So I settled for the next best thing. I purloined a horse from Pluto's stable (it was none other than Incitatus; hi Caligula!!11!!!!) and rode to Masada to join my countrymen in the siege on the Hebrew rebels.

Now If you are one of those plebes that believes every scroll that you read, you will think that the rebels were the good guys and we were the bad guys. Well I'm here to tell you that Flavius Josephus had it all wrong. You see we captured that fucking Heeb in the siege of Yodfat. He had been out of action for a long time. Yet can you believe someone actually paid the fucker 1,095 denari to publish his "inside information?"

Let me tell you the rebels weren't noble at all. One of their leaders was a corpulent glutton who gorged himself on oxtail stew. You could smell the soup slime on his beard from an actus away. The one ranked above him was a disagreeable little incubus who had failed in the domus market, only to bitterly resign himself to leading a band of ardent kikes who would gladly spill like lemmings into the sea if he demanded it of them. They fucked their wives. They fucked their mistresses. They fucked their concubines. Some of them even fucked their goats. Noble? Fuck Josephus and the ass that he rode in on.

Long story short, our siege took 3 years. It required patience and cunning. But in the end, as the saying goes, we came, we saw, we conquered.

If you hijack this thread to bash Caligula, you're post will be deleted.

bananasnblondes said:

Octavian said:

Allow me to recount our experience with a band of Hebrew zealots back in the 70's. Bear in mind that Charon had already ferried me across the River Styx. And Pluto, having grown weary of my presence in the infernal realm, was hunting for an excuse to banish me after he caught me groping Persephone's rack while he was out harvesting souls one evening. To assuage his wrath I proposed that he transform me into a shade and allow me to return to Gaia. He granted the request and temporarily suspended mortus in order to banninate me.

Believe me when I say I would have flown like an apis to my favorite brothel to deposit my honey inside the best hives that denari can buy. But what a bad day to be a ghost, man. So I settled for the next best thing. I purloined a horse from Pluto's stable (it was none other than Incitatus; hi Caligula!!11!!!!) and rode to Masada to join my countrymen in the siege on the Hebrew rebels.

Now If you are one of those plebes that believes every scroll that you read, you will think that the rebels were the good guys and we were the bad guys. Well I'm here to tell you that Flavius Josephus had it all wrong. You see we captured that fucking Heeb in the siege of Yodfat. He had been out of action for a long time. Yet can you believe someone actually paid the fucker 1,095 denari to publish his "inside information?"

Let me tell you the rebels weren't noble at all. One of their leaders was a corpulent glutton who gorged himself on oxtail stew. You could smell the soup slime on his beard from an actus away. The one ranked above him was a disagreeable little incubus who had failed in the domus market, only to bitterly resign himself to leading a band of ardent kikes who would gladly spill like lemmings into the sea if he demanded it of them. They fucked their wives. They fucked their mistresses. They fucked their concubines. Some of them even fucked their goats. Noble? Fuck Josephus and the ass that he rode in on.

Long story short, our siege took 3 years. It required patience and cunning. But in the end, as the saying goes, we came, we saw, we conquered.

If you hijack this thread to bash Caligula, you're post will be deleted.

Your*

WilburHooksHands said:

Octavian really took it to those Hebes back in 70. Temple hasn't been rebuilt since. #finish

PS hoping he tells some Bar Kokhba rebellion stories???

I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear the 5 reasons why the Romans will win the Battle of Masada.

ScroteDawg said:

WilburHooksHands said:

Octavian really took it to those Hebes back in 70. Temple hasn't been rebuilt since. #finish

PS hoping he tells some Bar Kokhba rebellion stories???

I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear the 5 reasons why the Romans will win the Battle of Masada.

Flavius Aurelius is the best legionnaire on the field. Enough said on that.