OFFICIAL Washington vs. Wisconsin Game Thread

I have arrived. I have conquered. I have… questions.

First off, I rolled into Padelford at a crisp 9:15 AM (which is basically 6:00 AM in Dawg Fan Time™), ready to tailgate like it’s the Rose Bowl '91. I brought:

• A folding table that collapses if you look at it wrong
• A Bluetooth speaker blasting “Bow Down to Washington” on repeat
• A cooler full of Rainier, expired string cheese, and bratwursts I bought ironically
• A purple-and-gold lawn chair that smells like regret and sunscreen

I’ve circled the garage three times. No band. No drumline. No guy in a purple morph suit doing push-ups on the roof. Just me, a confused squirrel, and a very angry parking enforcement officer who keeps asking why I’m grilling in a “faculty only” zone.

I thought maybe I was early, but then I saw a Wisconsin fan on Twitter posting from Camp Randall Stadium and I was like “lol nice photoshop bro.”

But now I’m sitting here in Padelford, alone, eating a bratwurst I cooked on a George Foreman plugged into my Prius, wondering why the only other person here is a confused freshman asking where Kane Hall is.

Anyway, if anyone else is in Padelford, please honk twice. I have extra chips and a Bluetooth speaker that also functions as a fog machine.