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RaceBannon
Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 104,381 
But it is almost biblical
Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces in the presence of all the assembly of the congregation of the sons of Israel. And @PostGameOrangeSlices and @RaceBannon of those who had spied out the land, tore their clothes; and they spoke to all the congregation of the sons of Washington saying, “The land which we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land. If the Lord is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us—a land which flows with milk and honey. Only do not rebel against the Lord; and do not fear the people of the land, for they will be our bitch. Their protection is gone from them, and the Penix is with us; do not fear them.” But all the congregation said to stone them with stones. Then the glory of the Lord appeared in the tent of meeting to all the sons of Washington.
And Texas was no more
Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces in the presence of all the assembly of the congregation of the sons of Israel. And @PostGameOrangeSlices and @RaceBannon of those who had spied out the land, tore their clothes; and they spoke to all the congregation of the sons of Washington saying, “The land which we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land. If the Lord is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us—a land which flows with milk and honey. Only do not rebel against the Lord; and do not fear the people of the land, for they will be our bitch. Their protection is gone from them, and the Penix is with us; do not fear them.” But all the congregation said to stone them with stones. Then the glory of the Lord appeared in the tent of meeting to all the sons of Washington.
And Texas was no more
Comments
Yes, I had to edit this. I needed more tim to get my copypasta in here.
Terrorist version
@PurpleBaze
Now all we're missing is a tie-in to abortion.
Yesterday today forever
2 The king of Armenia was told, “Look, some of the hive of scum and villainy have come here tonight to spy out the land.” 3 So the king of Armenia sent this message to DDJ: “Bring out the men who came to you and entered your house, because they have come to spy out the whole land.”
4 But the woman had taken the two men and hidden them. She said, “Yes, the men came to me, but I did not know where they had come from. 5 At dusk, when it was time to close the city gates.gif they left. I don’t know which way they went. Go after them quickly. You may catch up with them.” 6 (But she had taken them up to the roof and hidden them under the stacks of hook em's she had laid out on the roof.) 7 So the men set out in pursuit of the spies on the road that leads to the fords of the Mississippi, and as soon as the pursuers had gone out, the gate was shut.
8 Before the spies lay down for the night, she went up on the roof da troof 9 and said to them, “I know that the Lord has given you this natty and that a great fear of you has fallen on us, so that all who quook in this country are melting in fear because of you. 10 We have heard how the Lord dried up the water of Lake WASHINGTON for you when you came out of the Pac, and what you did to Lanning and Smith, the two kings of the Oregonites south of the Columbia, whom you completely destroyed. 11 When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.
12 “Now then, please swear to me by the Lord that you will show kindness to my family, because I have shown kindness to you. Give me a sure sign 13 that you will spare the lives of my father and father, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them—and that you will save us from death.”
14 “Our lives for your lives!” the men assured her. “If you don’t tell what we are doing, we will treat you kindly and faithfully when the Lord gives us the land.”
15 So she let them down by a rope through the window, for the house she lived in was part of the city wall. 16 She said to them, “Go to the Superdome so the pursuers will not find you. Hide yourselves there three days until the king of Armenia is drunk, and then insert your plunger."
You’re not getting quality sermon seeking content like this anywhere else.