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JT Tuimoloau, 5* 2021 DL, Bellevue (Eastside Catholic), WA (Offered 9/22/17)

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Comments

  • RatherBeBrewing
    RatherBeBrewing Member Posts: 1,557
    edited February 2021
    AtomicDawg said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    dirtysouwfdawg said:

    And how in the world did those two make him?

    Courtesy warning: this is one of my tldrs.

    Looking at dad’s height I wondered the same thing for a second. Michael Jordan’s dad was like 5’8” and MJ is a carbon copy of him, other than the height. Even got the gambling gene.

    Genetics are a weird thing. My never aging gramps is 6’4” and despite being in his 80s that piece of shit is plowing through every widow in Haifa. While my uncle is the same height as my mom and looks like the generic version of him, and we’re not talking Kirkland brand but the Walmart one. It could also be maternal and childhood nutrition, that’s why you see the children of immigrants be a lot taller than them - and American Samoa was pretty damn poor back then.

    Then again, I’m no expert on the matter. Quite the contrary. The one time I took a paternity test I was sure it was gonna be mine. The little bastard looked exactly like a girl version of me at that age. Date of birth and conception lined up perfectly. My girlfriend was already planning how we would turn the office into a child’s bedroom for weekend visits. It turns out the mom was just an unrepentant slut with a preference for certain phenotypes.

    Pro-tip for the younger dudes out there: if a girl wants you to come over at 11PM and be gone before 6AM, and explains the shit in the house as having a guy roommate - don’t let the ol’ divining rod tell you that it’s probably chill. I feel bad for that dude, his wife was banging (at least) two guys while he was working the night shift. Took him three years to question it enough to do a DNA test. Apologies to Frank. It could happen to anyone, even if you’re a successful football coach with a sweet mustache and a penchant for hiring great assistant coaches.


    Ppl work night shifts? Sounds poor.
    If we are bashing fucking the poor then I’m out of here. Not taking it to the tug, I mean that literally. I’ve had some damn good times that started out with a girl telling me where to pick her up and the address being a trailer park.

    Thankfully this dude wasn’t a pour or I might feel even worse for him. I got to find out way too much about him since he’s the one who texted me to let me know what’s going on. His wife was aware enough to have my name be Ashley in her contacts but not smart enough to delete four year old iMessages. He was some bunny suit engineer or some shit. Kind of a nice guy, a bit passive aggressive - but I let that slide since I stained his couch and at the time it was a possibility he was raising my progeny.
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  • Tequilla
    Tequilla Member Posts: 20,220
    TommySQC said:

    Emoterman said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    ntxduck said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    AtomicDawg said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    dirtysouwfdawg said:

    And how in the world did those two make him?

    Courtesy warning: this is one of my tldrs.

    Looking at dad’s height I wondered the same thing for a second. Michael Jordan’s dad was like 5’8” and MJ is a carbon copy of him, other than the height. Even got the gambling gene.

    Genetics are a weird thing. My never aging gramps is 6’4” and despite being in his 80s that piece of shit is plowing through every widow in Haifa. While my uncle is the same height as my mom and looks like the generic version of him, and we’re not talking Kirkland brand but the Walmart one. It could also be maternal and childhood nutrition, that’s why you see the children of immigrants be a lot taller than them - and American Samoa was pretty damn poor back then.

    Then again, I’m no expert on the matter. Quite the contrary. The one time I took a paternity test I was sure it was gonna be mine. The little bastard looked exactly like a girl version of me at that age. Date of birth and conception lined up perfectly. My girlfriend was already planning how we would turn the office into a child’s bedroom for weekend visits. It turns out the mom was just an unrepentant slut with a preference for certain phenotypes.

    Pro-tip for the younger dudes out there: if a girl wants you to come over at 11PM and be gone before 6AM, and explains the shit in the house as having a guy roommate - don’t let the ol’ divining rod tell you that it’s probably chill. I feel bad for that dude, his wife was banging (at least) two guys while he was working the night shift. Took him three years to question it enough to do a DNA test. Apologies to Frank. It could happen to anyone, even if you’re a successful football coach with a sweet mustache and a penchant for hiring great assistant coaches.


    Ppl work night shifts? Sounds poor.
    If we are bashing fucking the poor then I’m out of here. Not taking it to the tug, I mean that literally. I’ve had some damn good times that started out with a girl telling me where to pick her up and the address being a trailer park.

    Thankfully this dude wasn’t a pour or I might feel even worse for him. I got to find out way too much about him since he’s the one who texted me to let me know what’s going on. His wife was aware enough to have my name be Ashley in her contacts but not smart enough to delete four year old iMessages. He was some bunny suit engineer or some shit. Kind of a nice guy, a bit passive aggressive - but I let that slide since I stained his couch and at the time it was a possibility he was raising my progeny.
    Tell me this was in Springfield
    I wish I could, that would be perfect. But this was Beaverton. I’m obviously dumb, but I’m not “show up at my house in Springfield only after 11:00 PM” type of dumb.
    I went to see a TGTBT hooker off of Backpage once at a shitty apartment complex on Spokane's lower South Hill, one of Spokane's many neighborhoods that approximate Springfield.

    Her rate was too low, and she was way too cute and young. She gave me a shitty clothed lapdance and was hesitant to disrobe, so I wasn't too surprised when her also teenage boyfriend and his buddy walked in. He told me he had a gun and to hand over the money, to which I told him he had me fucked up for a bitch and he better pull out that heater and be ready to use it. I don't remember what he said, but I do remember his girlfriend laughed at him as I pushed past them as they feebly tried to bar me from leaving the apartment/vaguely blocked my path. Considering I am essentially a slightly taller Greg Gaines, they didn't want to fight, and I didn't feel like explaining to the police what I was doing there as an upstanding member of society, so I was content to get in my car and leave.

    Cool story bro, I know, but this is along the lines of what I imagine you're alluding to as a potential outcome of late night shithole pussy calls. I've had lots of fucked up experiences visiting hookers, but that was the only time anyone has ever tried to roll me; I sometimes wonder if my generally un-rollable physique plays into it, as it seems like a semi-regular outcome for other mongers. I assume that plays some role in it, but more I think I trust my gut and am less prone to let my dick override what feel like bad vibes. Always make sure the motel room is secured from the inside, make an excuse to scope out the incall, and don't be embarrassed to pull back the shower curtain.

    All that being said... JTT if you're reading this, I'd sure love for you to come to UW!
    Best post on here in months. Why is this shit not in the Wam?
    Why do you hate Fergie giving out a free taste from time to time?
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  • RatherBeBrewing
    RatherBeBrewing Member Posts: 1,557
    Emoterman said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    ntxduck said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    AtomicDawg said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    dirtysouwfdawg said:

    And how in the world did those two make him?

    Courtesy warning: this is one of my tldrs.

    Looking at dad’s height I wondered the same thing for a second. Michael Jordan’s dad was like 5’8” and MJ is a carbon copy of him, other than the height. Even got the gambling gene.

    Genetics are a weird thing. My never aging gramps is 6’4” and despite being in his 80s that piece of shit is plowing through every widow in Haifa. While my uncle is the same height as my mom and looks like the generic version of him, and we’re not talking Kirkland brand but the Walmart one. It could also be maternal and childhood nutrition, that’s why you see the children of immigrants be a lot taller than them - and American Samoa was pretty damn poor back then.

    Then again, I’m no expert on the matter. Quite the contrary. The one time I took a paternity test I was sure it was gonna be mine. The little bastard looked exactly like a girl version of me at that age. Date of birth and conception lined up perfectly. My girlfriend was already planning how we would turn the office into a child’s bedroom for weekend visits. It turns out the mom was just an unrepentant slut with a preference for certain phenotypes.

    Pro-tip for the younger dudes out there: if a girl wants you to come over at 11PM and be gone before 6AM, and explains the shit in the house as having a guy roommate - don’t let the ol’ divining rod tell you that it’s probably chill. I feel bad for that dude, his wife was banging (at least) two guys while he was working the night shift. Took him three years to question it enough to do a DNA test. Apologies to Frank. It could happen to anyone, even if you’re a successful football coach with a sweet mustache and a penchant for hiring great assistant coaches.


    Ppl work night shifts? Sounds poor.
    If we are bashing fucking the poor then I’m out of here. Not taking it to the tug, I mean that literally. I’ve had some damn good times that started out with a girl telling me where to pick her up and the address being a trailer park.

    Thankfully this dude wasn’t a pour or I might feel even worse for him. I got to find out way too much about him since he’s the one who texted me to let me know what’s going on. His wife was aware enough to have my name be Ashley in her contacts but not smart enough to delete four year old iMessages. He was some bunny suit engineer or some shit. Kind of a nice guy, a bit passive aggressive - but I let that slide since I stained his couch and at the time it was a possibility he was raising my progeny.
    Tell me this was in Springfield
    I wish I could, that would be perfect. But this was Beaverton. I’m obviously dumb, but I’m not “show up at my house in Springfield only after 11:00 PM” type of dumb.
    I wasn't too surprised when her also teenage boyfriend and his buddy walked in. He told me he had a gun and to hand over the money
    *Chef’s kiss*

    Now THIS is why I come here.

    What a sad and poorly executed hustle. Especially considering the proud criminal history of the Spokompton people.

    Someone that young shouldn’t be doing that.

    What they SHOULD be doing is the older brother comes home to catch his [age of consent minus one] year old sister whoring and getting ready to call the cops to teach both of them a lesson.

    Anyway, JTT - if you’re still with us buddy, take heed of what happens to future NFL D-linemen in Columbus:

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  • dflea
    dflea Member, Swaye's Wigwam Posts: 7,287 Swaye's Wigwam
    TommySQC said:

    Emoterman said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    ntxduck said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    AtomicDawg said:

    RatherBeBrewing said:

    dirtysouwfdawg said:

    And how in the world did those two make him?

    Courtesy warning: this is one of my tldrs.

    Looking at dad’s height I wondered the same thing for a second. Michael Jordan’s dad was like 5’8” and MJ is a carbon copy of him, other than the height. Even got the gambling gene.

    Genetics are a weird thing. My never aging gramps is 6’4” and despite being in his 80s that piece of shit is plowing through every widow in Haifa. While my uncle is the same height as my mom and looks like the generic version of him, and we’re not talking Kirkland brand but the Walmart one. It could also be maternal and childhood nutrition, that’s why you see the children of immigrants be a lot taller than them - and American Samoa was pretty damn poor back then.

    Then again, I’m no expert on the matter. Quite the contrary. The one time I took a paternity test I was sure it was gonna be mine. The little bastard looked exactly like a girl version of me at that age. Date of birth and conception lined up perfectly. My girlfriend was already planning how we would turn the office into a child’s bedroom for weekend visits. It turns out the mom was just an unrepentant slut with a preference for certain phenotypes.

    Pro-tip for the younger dudes out there: if a girl wants you to come over at 11PM and be gone before 6AM, and explains the shit in the house as having a guy roommate - don’t let the ol’ divining rod tell you that it’s probably chill. I feel bad for that dude, his wife was banging (at least) two guys while he was working the night shift. Took him three years to question it enough to do a DNA test. Apologies to Frank. It could happen to anyone, even if you’re a successful football coach with a sweet mustache and a penchant for hiring great assistant coaches.


    Ppl work night shifts? Sounds poor.
    If we are bashing fucking the poor then I’m out of here. Not taking it to the tug, I mean that literally. I’ve had some damn good times that started out with a girl telling me where to pick her up and the address being a trailer park.

    Thankfully this dude wasn’t a pour or I might feel even worse for him. I got to find out way too much about him since he’s the one who texted me to let me know what’s going on. His wife was aware enough to have my name be Ashley in her contacts but not smart enough to delete four year old iMessages. He was some bunny suit engineer or some shit. Kind of a nice guy, a bit passive aggressive - but I let that slide since I stained his couch and at the time it was a possibility he was raising my progeny.
    Tell me this was in Springfield
    I wish I could, that would be perfect. But this was Beaverton. I’m obviously dumb, but I’m not “show up at my house in Springfield only after 11:00 PM” type of dumb.
    I went to see a TGTBT hooker off of Backpage once at a shitty apartment complex on Spokane's lower South Hill, one of Spokane's many neighborhoods that approximate Springfield.

    Her rate was too low, and she was way too cute and young. She gave me a shitty clothed lapdance and was hesitant to disrobe, so I wasn't too surprised when her also teenage boyfriend and his buddy walked in. He told me he had a gun and to hand over the money, to which I told him he had me fucked up for a bitch and he better pull out that heater and be ready to use it. I don't remember what he said, but I do remember his girlfriend laughed at him as I pushed past them as they feebly tried to bar me from leaving the apartment/vaguely blocked my path. Considering I am essentially a slightly taller Greg Gaines, they didn't want to fight, and I didn't feel like explaining to the police what I was doing there as an upstanding member of society, so I was content to get in my car and leave.

    Cool story bro, I know, but this is along the lines of what I imagine you're alluding to as a potential outcome of late night shithole pussy calls. I've had lots of fucked up experiences visiting hookers, but that was the only time anyone has ever tried to roll me; I sometimes wonder if my generally un-rollable physique plays into it, as it seems like a semi-regular outcome for other mongers. I assume that plays some role in it, but more I think I trust my gut and am less prone to let my dick override what feel like bad vibes. Always make sure the motel room is secured from the inside, make an excuse to scope out the incall, and don't be embarrassed to pull back the shower curtain.

    All that being said... JTT if you're reading this, I'd sure love for you to come to UW!
    Best post on here in months. Why is this shit not in the Wam?
    This belongs on the Classics bored.

    I lol'ed.
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