Help for our friend Jeremiah Martin: pros and cons of your final schools

Passion said:

Dennis_DeYoung said:

WASHINGTON Pros:
Best Coach in the country.
Beautiful City.
Best University you are considering.
No one on the depth in front of you.
Best defense west of the Mississippi.
Best defensive staff in the country.
YOU WILL START IMMEDIATELY.
Huskies are a cool mascot.
People at UW like defense more than offense.
Biblically named kids thrive at UW.
Lots of Asians willing to do your homework (not Taylor Rapp).
Amazing coffee all over the place.
Co-eds not particularly distracting.
Best S&C staff.
Everything is perfect.

OKAY KID - I hope this was helpful.

You forgot a booming local economy with a plethora of internship opportunities. Pick your field, kid. Tech? Business? Law? Construction?

You got it all...HERE!

Dennis_DeYoung said:

RoadDawg55 said:

theknowledge said:

Dennis_DeYoung said:

Hi Jeremiah, I would kill BTP for you to come here, but I've made up this handy guide to all your final schools, which can be found below. The good thing about me is that I'm pretty unbiased and I've been around CFB and CFB recruiting for long enough to really understand the true nature of the schools you're considering. Let's look at each one:

TAMU Pros:
Good school.
Great if you like living among Hitler Youth and Hitlerian ideals.
Racially based insults are a great motivator for certain people.
Be a part of a Collie worshipping cult!
No pressure to win a Natty, they haven't done that in 90 years!

TAMU Cons:
Jimbo Fisher couldn't win at FUCKING FLORIDA STATE.
They gave him a 10 year guaranteed contract, so...
Get ready to be scapegoated in a few years as being part of a 'transition class' he wants a mulligan for.
College Station is devoid of life and has nothing good to eat.

OREGON Pros:
Eugene is a fun city for white people.
If you are planning on becoming white soon, this place can help you with that.
Fancy uniforms.
Coach has low expectations so unlikely to be fired after a lot of 5-8 win seasons.
Legal weed.
No pressure to win a Natty, they haven't done that.

OREGON Cons:
Weed still illegal for you.
Mediocre school.
No black people have ever been there by choice.
They hired a coach who was the offensive coordinator for a 6 win team because he can kind of recruit.
NOGAF about Oregon.

ZONA Pros:
Kevin Sumlin will never ask you to do anything, ever.
Lots of good Mexican food.
One of the better universities in Arizona.
Tucson will remind you of a nice place in the IE.
No pressure to win.

ZONA Cons:
Defense has not been good for 25 years.
No one even remotely cares about their football team.
The FBI has taken away your ability to get any of the Hoops money.
Practice during 200 degree summer days.
Literally no one good has ever played defense for Zona. Their best defensive player ever is probably Chuck Cecil.

OKIE Pros:
Cool uniforms.
Play in a conference that is the equivalent of running 'unopposed'.
Lots of players in the NFL.
It seems possible that Norman will catch up to where Oklahoma City is currently in terms of culture within the next 10 years.

OKIE Cons:
Riley's success is wholly due to Bob Stoops and Baker Mayfield.
Openly racist frats.
Openly racist everything.
You will live in Oklahoma: they only keep the schools open 4 days a week there... the other day they practice yelling mean things at black people.
You will be a faceless football player and no matter how good you are, fans will give the credit to whatever white player is playing at the time or within 10 years of your tenure.

WASHINGTON Pros:
Best Coach in the country.
Beautiful City.
Best University you are considering.
No one on the depth in front of you.
Best defense west of the Mississippi.
Best defensive staff in the country.
YOU WILL START IMMEDIATELY.
Huskies are a cool mascot.
People at UW like defense more than offense.
Biblically named kids thrive at UW.
Lots of Asians willing to do your homework (not Taylor Rapp).
Amazing coffee all over the place.
Co-eds not particularly distracting.
Best S&C staff.
Everything is perfect.

WASHINGTON Cons:
Some people don't like perfect situations, you might be one of them.
People who suck don't like the rain, you might secretly suck even though it's not that big a deal.

OKAY KID - I hope this was helpful.

Teddy Bruschi was pretty fucking good. Anchor of Desert Swarm and won a couple rings at the next level. Other than that it all made perfect sense, couldn't find a fault.

Lance Briggs and Chris McAlister too.

It was a joke. I thought it would be obvious that they've had better players than Chuck Cecil.

Oh well.

TierbsHsotBoobs said:

Dennis_DeYoung said:

Hi Jeremiah, I would kill BTP for you to come here, but I've made up this handy guide to all your final schools, which can be found below. The good thing about me is that I'm pretty unbiased and I've been around CFB and CFB recruiting for long enough to really understand the true nature of the schools you're considering. Let's look at each one:

TAMU Pros:
Good school.
Great if you like living among Hitler Youth and Hitlerian ideals.
Racially based insults are a great motivator for certain people.
Be a part of a Collie worshipping cult!
No pressure to win a Natty, they haven't done that in 90 years!

TAMU Cons:
Jimbo Fisher couldn't win at FUCKING FLORIDA STATE.
They gave him a 10 year guaranteed contract, so...
Get ready to be scapegoated in a few years as being part of a 'transition class' he wants a mulligan for.
College Station is devoid of life and has nothing good to eat.

OREGON Pros:
Eugene is a fun city for white people.
If you are planning on becoming white soon, this place can help you with that.
Fancy uniforms.
Coach has low expectations so unlikely to be fired after a lot of 5-8 win seasons.
Legal weed.
No pressure to win a Natty, they haven't done that.

OREGON Cons:
Weed still illegal for you.
Mediocre school.
No black people have ever been there by choice.
They hired a coach who was the offensive coordinator for a 6 win team because he can kind of recruit.
NOGAF about Oregon.

ZONA Pros:
Kevin Sumlin will never ask you to do anything, ever.
Lots of good Mexican food.
One of the better universities in Arizona.
Tucson will remind you of a nice place in the IE.
No pressure to win.

ZONA Cons:
Defense has not been good for 25 years.
No one even remotely cares about their football team.
The FBI has taken away your ability to get any of the Hoops money.
Practice during 200 degree summer days.
Literally no one good has ever played defense for Zona. Their best defensive player ever is probably Chuck Cecil.

OKIE Pros:
Cool uniforms.
Play in a conference that is the equivalent of running 'unopposed'.
Lots of players in the NFL.
It seems possible that Norman will catch up to where Oklahoma City is currently in terms of culture within the next 10 years.

OKIE Cons:
Riley's success is wholly due to Bob Stoops and Baker Mayfield.
Openly racist frats.
Openly racist everything.
You will live in Oklahoma: they only keep the schools open 4 days a week there... the other day they practice yelling mean things at black people.
You will be a faceless football player and no matter how good you are, fans will give the credit to whatever white player is playing at the time or within 10 years of your tenure.

WASHINGTON Pros:
Best Coach in the country.
Beautiful City.
Best University you are considering.
No one on the depth in front of you.
Best defense west of the Mississippi.
Best defensive staff in the country.
YOU WILL START IMMEDIATELY.
Huskies are a cool mascot.
People at UW like defense more than offense.
Biblically named kids thrive at UW.
Lots of Asians willing to do your homework (not Taylor Rapp).
Amazing coffee all over the place.
Co-eds not particularly distracting.
Best S&C staff.
Everything is perfect.

WASHINGTON Cons:
Some people don't like perfect situations, you might be one of them.
People who suck don't like the rain, you might secretly suck even though it's not that big a deal.

OKAY KID - I hope this was helpful.