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What I'm hearing
GrundleStiltzkin
Member Posts: 61,516 
I not only puked all over myself, I also shit the bed. It took me 5min of constant loofa stubbing in the shower to get all the dried shit off my legs and ass. The funny part is... It was not my bed. Or my shower. Or my loofa.
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If fake teats are your thing I guess. Who cares bout her flat white ass. What do you do with tits? You can slide cock betwixt, you can dump on, but they mean little in the grand scheme. Ass is important. Thats what you stare at while puttin a poundins on. Big tits just get lost in the shuffle.
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So one night I went on a booze cruise around lower Manhattan with some friends. It was an open bar so we were all completely hammered. On the way back to my town we decided to get some 4lokos and go out to a bar for a few more drinks. I remember starting my second 4loko and then I woke up to a beeping noise. I opened my eyes and saw myself hooked up to all these heart monitors with two IV?s in my arms. I immediately freaked out and tore everything off of me. The nurses came running in screaming so I screamed back at them demanding to know what had happened. They said I had already told them when I was brought in on a stretcher: They told me, that what I told them had happened was I got drunk, lost my friends, and phone died. I left the bar, walked to my car, and decided I was too drunk to drive home so decided to lay down on the ground beside my car and take a nap to sleep it off. Apparently a cop making the rounds came over and woke me up. He asked if I was ok and I replied yes, just too drunk to drive so I rather sleep. He asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. I asked him if they have water at the hospital. After he assured me there was water at the hospital, I demanded that I needed to be taken to the hospital so he called me an ambulance. Upon leaving the hospital I heard a familiar voice freaking out just as I had earlier. I peaked in the room and saw that it was my friend asking what the heck happened to him. The nurse asked if we knew each other, we said yes. She put her hand over her head and said: same story, except this guy wanted to know if hospitals had beds.
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I sexually identify as Harambe the Lowland Gorilla. Ever since I was a boy I have dreamed of eating fruits and plants in the captivity of a zoo. People say to me that being an endangered Lowland Gorilla is impossible and I'm fucking retarded, but I don't care, I'm a beautiful and strong silverback. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Gorilla arms, legs, torso, and a bulletproof vest on my body. From now on, I want you to call me Harambe and respect my right to eat, live with, and fuck other Gorillas. If you can't accept me you're a Gorilla murdering Zoophobe and you need to check your primate privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
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@DerekJohnson AKA Stalin, can we move this to the classics bored? TIA
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I'm laughing my ass off, but I clearly missed something.
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Link?????GrundleStiltzkin said:I not only puked all over myself, I also shit the bed. It took me 5min of constant loofa stubbing in the shower to get all the dried shit off my legs and ass. The funny part is... It was not my bed. Or my shower. Or my loofa.
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Had 2 four lokos and 8 shots...went up stairs puked in the girl's room sink then lie down on her bed...girl comes in the room and starts hooking up with me and doesnt notice that i had puked in her sink. My frined comes in the room doesnt notice me hooking up with her and goes in the bathroom i puked in and throws up everywhere in it. Both throw ups in her bathroom were blamed on him and the girl never knew i threw up. i love four lokoDugtheDoog said:
Link?????GrundleStiltzkin said:I not only puked all over myself, I also shit the bed. It took me 5min of constant loofa stubbing in the shower to get all the dried shit off my legs and ass. The funny part is... It was not my bed. Or my shower. Or my loofa.
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I just did sex so hard to this girl. She was moaning and stuff and I did sex so hard and so good with her. She was all "Please have good sex with me" and I said back "Yeah, I'm going to really sex you so great lady" and she's like "Thanks". It was so good and so hot and we both loved doing sex in all positions. At the end I was all "Hey, I'm going to finish sex now" and she said "Yes, that would be nice if you finished so hard on that towel". I said "Yes" and so I finished so hard on the towel.
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After hearing all the hub-bub about this "blackout in a can" I felt compelled to try this stuff out. I went and bought four of the grape flavor. Looked innocent enough..but that first drink..OMFG..It was like drinking gamma rays laced with cough syrup. Just awful. Being the true drunkard I am I proceeded to drink 3 of them. Feeling the rush of energy coursing through my body I got antsy,and jumpy. Finished the last one & then went to a bar with friends..when I showed up The people around me kept asking me for coke...I was that jacked. A few pitchers/shots and a few poorly done karaoke songs later..I woke up in bed with a bunch of cuts on both hands, my face covered in blood/vomit and fully dressed. My phone was going craaaazy. My head felt like it was split with a dull tomahawk..I try to leave to get something to eat and my car is not there. Great..maybe I will check my phone now. Several angry text/voice messages later and I come to find out I didnt quietly leave the bar after singing two karaoke songs..Thats just when I blacked out. From second hand stories I guess i was heckling some other karaoke singers when some guy tried to start a fight with me...I guess I punched him out, spit on his girlfriend..threw a few bar stools..started fighting the bouncers..getting thrown outside in the parking lot onto my face and proceeded to try to punch out car windows whilst leaving the parking lot. Got into my car and terrorized my poor passenger for 13 city blocks, driving on curbs and throwing up in his lap..I then forgot the gate code to my apartment complex so I left my car at the front gate, lights on, blocking the gate. 8 stitches in my head, cast on right hand..bar might be pressing charges and I may be getting evicted. But hey no DUI. Four Loko is no effing joke.
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Four loko is what started rape culture.
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I miss Four Loko. Fuck your nanny state.
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Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.
You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together. -
After a long night of lokoness i was brought back to this girls room who my boy told me was a straight freak. So obviosly i was all about it. She said "the only rule is I can do whatever I want to you"....so next thing you kno this girl put anal beads up my ass and laid out a towel underneath me. I'm thinking what could possible be next. She then proceeds to suck my dick and tell me to let her kno when i'm gonna cum. So finally i'm about to go and let her know...she rips the anal beads out of my ass...my cumshot hit the ceiling and I shit my draws...without the loko in my system I dont think I would have been in this situation. Thank you Four Loko
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Caffeine & alcohol combined? You have any idea what that does to kids?PurpleJ said:I miss Four Loko. Fuck your nanny state.
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so it was my first semester this year in college, and i was gettin rowdy drinkin 4 four lokos. I go out of my room after 2 and im feelin nice. i drink the last 2 and hit up a party and find this girl who looked hot but in reality she was fat and ugly, like a 2 out of 10, i bring her back too my room and we started havin sex and thought i was some kind of pornstar so i go two knuckles deep in her ass with my fingers. then i think shes real wet and after i finish, inside her, i realize this bitch had her period ALL over me, then she starts blowin me, with blood on my dick, and i get freaked out and run outta the room naked with blood all over me, i just happen to run into two campus police officers and they draw their guns on me cuz they literally thought i killed somebody. i spent a few hours in the campus jail until my friends came and explained what happened to the officers. its safe to say i will never drink four lokos again.unfrozencaveman said:
Caffeine & alcohol combined? You have any idea what that does to kids?PurpleJ said:I miss Four Loko. Fuck your nanny state.
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unfrozencaveman said:
Caffeine & alcohol combined? You have any idea what that does to kids?PurpleJ said:I miss Four Loko. Fuck your nanny state.
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This reminds me of the time I went to McDonalds and I wanted a Shrek toy but all they had was Barbie and so I started crying but then I remembered that Barbie toys have boobies so I got one with my Happy Meal and took it home and then touched my peepee until my yogurt came out and it got on the barbie so I asked my sister to help clean it up because she's a girl and girls like to clean and instead of grabbing paper towels she just licked it off and said it was good so she then licked it off my peepee and my peepee got hard again so 20 minutes later she licked my peepee and more yogurt came out and she swallowed it and so now sometimes she asks for my yogurt because she said it makes her feel good and so now I play with Barbies and my sister joins in too and we have fun
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Insert plss copypasta
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zzzzz
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Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
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Where the fuck do you guys find this shit?
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I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.
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I'm completely lost with this thread
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I never claimed to be a journalist out here.DerekJohnson said:I'm completely lost with this thread
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Derek? You're turning into Grinolds pal. Just ease back, shut the fuck up and let us do the posting. You worry about bringing people over. We'll do the threading. Leave the boards to the people Putin! Xoxo:), LOL, rotfl, bff buddy!DerekJohnson said:I'm completely lost with this thread
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Derek isn't a mind reader. Sometimes things happen that no one can explain. Sometimes the weatherman is wrong. People poast responses and it's an unpredictable game sometimes but we don't call out people out here. Uncertainty is the nature of the bidness.
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If I can't handle the ups-and-downs of illogical deviant threads, I best stay off the internet.
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jesus fucking christ the preseason needs to start already
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forgive english, i am Russia.
i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.
We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.
I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass. -
*toDardanus said:Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.
You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too*. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.
