haie's computer game thoughts (if you are not into this shit then don't even click)

ThomasFremont said:

haie said:

So after reading Tequilla's posts, other posters analysing their farts, and even more posters getting into 5 page threads about which future president will suck less ass, and the fact that I'm 9 beers in, I thought I'd rant about something I'm pretty opinionated about. In other words, I'm an entitled fuck right now.

Computer/video games have taken over. If you're too old to care about that, then fuck off immediately. Nuff said on that.

I'm pretty taken back by the lack of awareness/appreciation for the Hotline Miami series by the gaming community at large. I don't have much time to play video games anymore, so if I'm going to spend money on something and put time into it on the weekends, it better be fucking good (husky football is an obvious exception).

Here's a gameplay clip for those of you who still playing faggot I-don't-get-laid games like WoW/Dota2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzTDq0eZGTk

For two poor Swedish hipsters, the developers seem to understand America more than most Americans:

In an alternate history, the Cold War turns into an actual conflict. Russia decides to invade America the in the same way the Japs tried, only they succeed. They eventually nuke San Francisco (actually awesome) and force America to surrender and let piece of shit russians come in and run things. The characters in the game sign up for "50 Blessings", a group of red-blooded Americans who refuse to give the country up to the Russians and coordinate hits on their mafia dwellings. Each character has their own concerns/motivations, and most of them end up dying by their own stubbornness/stupidity.

The game is 8-bit, although the massacres are downright cringe-worthy. The developers take the time to make a variety of different executions, including one where you pound the back of a guy's skull into the floor until it squashes like a fucking watermelon. The gore is unreal, better than most HD games. There is a definite Hitchcock effect going here as well. This game is kind of hard to play high for those reasons. I suggest you play it drunk instead.

Where the game really shines is in two ways: A) You are killed in one shot as are the Russian goons. It gives the game a certain sense of realism. However big of a hateful bigot you are toward commy russians, you would never try this shit in real life (duh). This is very refreshing considering that in most games you have some stupid life bar and can be hit multiple times before being killed. Both reflexes and intelligence is required. People get frustrated with the game because while you need twitch skills to kill all the mafia bitches on each floor, the shear number of enemies combined with their (mostly) consistent patrol patterns require you to figure out the "puzzle" of each floor and then execute each one of these Vodka chugging cocksuckers with precision and cunning. In "Hard Mode", if you don't figure out the exact route, weapons, and tactics to use, you will never beat the level and will walk away a failure (think OZONE at life). C) the game pulls off loneliness like no other game since Diablo. Your character puts on a mask of some sort right before entering some Miami penthouse, and it's you versus 30+ motherfuckers armed with the same weapons as you. Great setup.

I will admit the music is 100% hipster, but just turn that off, keep the sound effects, and play whatever Elton John shit you normally listen to.

The first game was runner-up game of the year (deserved), and the second game, where the developers actually had a good budget to worker with, was simply the best game I've ever played besides maybe Diablo 1 and 2. Yet it got mixed reviews because people are fucking stupid and yet gave me another reason to hate them. For 20-30$ for both games, you are a complete faggot if you like video games and don't play it. Yet at my office where 90% of my co-workers would rather play Batman games than fuck their wives, almost none of them have even heard it. It makes me dislike them as human beings.

Thanks for teh read, Go dawgs/woof/whatever, and as always, Fuck Off.

Oh yeah TL;DR version: Kill Yourself if you like video games but haven't played Hotline Miami 1/2.

You totally lost me here. The music is an essential part of the game.

Also, what are you basing these alleged low sales figures on? I think you are completely wrong there.

SpoogeDawg said:

This thread is like a donkey anthem for 81% of the young nerds around here that would rather play a video game in the summer over strolling GreenLake playing sports activities while the cool kids were out getting digits for a actual date.

sarktastic said:

You're on a football message bored espousing how video games have taken over... your life, I presume?

#hardcorehuskyhabitualhelpline