OFFICIAL Washington v Rutgers Game Thread

Wassup peeps! Where my Dawgs at?    

Yo, so I flew cross-country from the land of rain and overpriced coffee to Jersey and the home of big hair, bigger attitudes and the sacred art of yelling for no reason.

Why? To watch my Dawgs throw down with Rutgers of courses ha! Yeah, I know, bold move but hey, what else have I got going on, amiright?   I landed at Newark and immediately got hit with that signature aroma: jet fuel, hot asphalt and a hint of Taylor ham. Or pork roll. Whatever. I ain't tryna start a war. I just wanted breakfast.  

I hop in an Uber and the driver’s got Bon Jovi blasting like it’s 1986. He’s swerving through traffic like he’s auditioning for The Fast and the Furious: Exit 13 Edition. I ask him how long to the stadium, and he hits me with, “Depends. You want the scenic route or the one where we don’t die?”  

I told him I was hungry so he drops me off to grab a bite at a diner that looks like it’s been frozen in time since Sinatra was still kicking. The waitress calls me “babe” and slides me a plate of disco fries like she’s doing me a favor. I ask for avocado toast and she looks at me like I just insulted The Boss.   I get to the stadium, and I’m surrounded by ... no one. Clearly, they hate football here, ha! I thought I'd see a sea of Rutgers fans in red hoodies and gold chains, yelling “RU Rah Rah!” like they’re summoning the spirit of Tony Soprano.

Some guy carrying a greasy bag sees me and asks if I’m lost. I say, “Nah, I’m just here to watch the Huskies teach Jersey how we do it in the Big 10.” He mutters something about “Seattle being soft,” then offers me a cannoli. I accept. It’s Jersey and you don’t say no to cannoli.   

After one too many rainy nights alone, this lonely (but extremely good looking) UW fan is thinking it's time to trade flannel for leopard print (hi Jen, har har) and find himself a Jersey girl with big hair, bigger boobs, and an even bigger attitude because nothing warms a cold heart like a woman who can contour and confront at the same time.  

Can't wait for kick off and then it will be my Dawgs eating lol. Every touchdown, I’m gonna bark like a lunatic. Rutgers fans will give me the side-eye, but I'll be too busy waving my purple flag and yelling “Let’s go, baby!” like I’m at a tailgate in Ballard.   After the win, I think I'll celebrate with a slice of pizza so thin it could double as a frisbee. I'll be sure to fold it like a local, dodge a pothole the size of Mount Rainier, and head back to the hotel, already planning my next trip to the Dirty Jerz.   

So yeah, go Dawgs! Where are youse people?

Baseball is by far the biggest bandwagon sport. Incredibly annoying as soon as the Jays get going suddenly every nerd you know without a previous sports affiliation crawls out of the woodwork with a blue hat on asking how bout dem Jays pretending to have a Canadian connection to a team based in a city that doesn't regard the west as part of their culture

Double painful when all my dwag podcasts get infected by the biggest loser franchise in the PNW just because they have a fat assed catcher. Pretty gay stuff as is my understanding