We're/I'm BACK BABY!!! Game reviews and grades

I have to admit after the long coof season, the conversion from amateur students nobly playing for their hometown team into professional pretend students, and the creation of a zombie Pac12, like Chris Peterson, I was ready quit at the slightest inconvenience and walk away. But after a lot of personal reflection, buying some land in the middle of nowhere where I can shoot guns and chop firewood all day, and consulting with my family and my REAL God I decided to drunkenly turn on the game, at the very least it gave me a chance to throw a few distasteful jokes at my father in law about his alma mater killing students in the 70s or something.

Did I know any of the players? No
Did I keep track of who portaled? No
Did I know any of the new overrated PNW recruits that are going to save the program? No
Did I know any of the coaches outside of the Boer War guy? No
Can they all DIAFF? Yes

It was kind of nice.

Game Review: Offense looked the best its looked since 2016 John Ross, Pettis, Gaskin, pre injury Jack Brownley, and Jeff Tedford were in charge. Defense looked like fucking shit, The corners got burned by nobodies, lots of missed tackles, the UW tradition of every QB having the game of their life against us continues.

QB: B+ Penis looks good, but it was Kent State and the reads were stupid easy, its nice to see a modern simplified offense be run correctly. Liked that he seemed to be more of a leader and was actively talking with WRs and OL. He was wrong about his one missed deep throw to McMillen? though... It should have been thrown flatter across the field where McMillen had beaten his defender and was open instead of vertical like he was arguing with McMillen about.

RB: C+ Not great, not bad. I guess Dick Newton is dead? Cam Davis is whatever. Hawaii Papa guy looks like he could be fine. I miss the decade of Polk, Sankey, and Gaskin.

TE: B- After a decade of multiple NFL TEs Culp sure looks pedestrian. WTF happened to all the other 15 TEs UW recruited the past couple of years, Isn't Ryan Otton supposed to be good? Culp is Culp, guaranteed to drop one or two important passes a game and whiff on a block or two on a 3rd down. He isn't terrible but he will directly cause a loss this year either from a drop or a missed block.

WR: A Ran correct routes, made nice catches, open almost every play, did some decent blocking work, had fun and didn't throw little pouty bitch fit. McMillen can be an NFL WR if he continues to keep his head on right. Rome and McMillian both look good, everyone else is lost in the shuffle.

OL: C- Its Kent State, pass blocking looked pretty good, Run blocking was pretty poor. Meh its whatever, wont actually know if they are pussies or if they have it until Mich State.

DL: C- Its Kent State, pass rush was ok I guess, let shitty no name QB escape too much, didn't finish sacks. Run stopping was pretty meh.

LB: unknown too drunk to actually watch

DB: C- No more pussy cushion bullshit with two safeties over the top, they got flamed multiple times and didn't look good

S: C Wife lol'ed hard when my favorite whipping boy got an int to start the season. She wouldn't STFU about why does his Jersey say "Asa" when his last name is Turner all game. I DONT FUCKING KNOW. Asa still sucks, he still hesitates and actively avoids contact, he pussied out on one of the long kick off returns. Asa Turner is going to cost UW a game at some point.

Special Teams: D+ No missed XP, still cant kickoff into the endzone, Kent State long kick off returns, decent punt coverage. IDK UW is forever cursed by Pettis little cat paw licking celebration to forever have shitty special teams.

Overall: It was a fun game and I wasn't wanting to gouge my eyes out the entire time. The offense looks good enough to win 9+ games, the defense looks poor enough to lose 6+ games. Can the Boer Lieutenant John Chard cobble together a defense at Rorke's Drift at the Pea Patch? Who knows, if history is intent on repeating itself UW is fucked.

Looks alot like a 8-4 team.