Indulging In Realignment Fantasy

LB_33 said:

chuck said:

DerekJohnson said:

RatherBeBrewing said:

Washington, Oregon, California, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, and Hawaii.

I would rather never see another college football game than be a fan of a team in this conference.

It might be good for me.

I’ll actually go to Saturday weddings in the fall. Rake up leaves instead of using the leaf blower vacuum thing. Make my own apple cider. Get mad when kids jump into my pile of leaves. Ask their parents to make them stop. Rake up more leaves. Take an extra trip. Invite friends from the East Coast. Murder the entire family if the leaf jumping continues. Make it seem like a gas leak or a disappearance. Be one of those guys who has over the top Halloween decorations with elaborate candy dispensers. No, Suzanne those aren’t real skeletons don’t be silly. Maybe I’ll make a pumpkin trebuchet, or a catapult I don’t know the fucking difference. Murder Suzanne if she gets suspicious. Play more tennis. Tons of stuff I could have been doing all these years.

Anyone else get teary-eyed reading this?

Only four posts in and I've already laughed and cried. What a thread in the making.

Seems like Suzanne is a nosy cunt and deserved it

RatherBeBrewing said:

UW_Doog_Bot said:

RatherBeBrewing said:

Washington, Oregon, California, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, and Hawaii.

I would rather never see another college football game than be a fan of a team in this conference.

It might be good for me.

I’ll actually go to Saturday weddings in the fall. Rake up leaves instead of using the leaf blower vacuum thing. Make my own apple cider. Get mad when kids jump into my pile of leaves. Ask their parents to make them stop. Rake up more leaves. Take an extra trip. Invite friends from the East Coast. Murder the entire family if the leaf jumping continues. Make it seem like a gas leak or a disappearance. Be one of those guys who has over the top Halloween decorations with elaborate candy dispensers. No, Suzanne those aren’t real skeletons don’t be silly. Maybe I’ll make a pumpkin trebuchet, or a catapult I don’t know the fucking difference. Murder Suzanne if she gets suspicious. Play more tennis. Tons of stuff I could have been doing all these years.

What kind of cider?

Blood.


Orange.

English purists will tell you only apples and yeast from them can be called cider. They also don’t know shit about anything that goes in their mouth besides dicks. Food, dental work, drinks - they all suck there. Maybe spotted dick is good, never tried it. Almost everything that’s good in England came from their overseas conquests, which doesn’t so much speak about the English as it does their colonial victims.

How is it cider and not wine? Damned if I know, maybe we can set an arbitrary thing like 9% ABV and under is cider and the other stuff is wine. But if I’m making something for the fall it has to be Halloween themed. In the context of I don’t drink anymore so I’m not going to put forth max effort, but I’m a good host.

Thus, blood orange. Blood being scary, and Orange associated with the Dutch who are living in a fucking floodplain where their death is prevented solely by boys who stick their fingers in dykes.

Unless I can get my hands on some pears from a tree that is haunted. Like something from Transylvania or something nearby. I’ve previously mentioned Moldova and their fruit exports, I’m sure they have some pear or cherry trees with a sad as fuck story because everything there is sad - “here 17 year old Bianca hung herself out of sorrow after her beloved Dimitru died while he was attempting to put out an electrical fire with a bucket of water. Her little sister found her body which was being devoured by wolves, who then turned their attention to her and ate her face. She was still alive when she stumbled into the village and was killed by the villagers who thought she was the local pond witch from their folk tales. Their grief struck father, already having lost his wife to botulinum poisoning after she ate expired sardines during the famine of 2017, went amok and slaughtered half of the orchard workers with a sharpened branch from that pear tree. He was only stopped when he tripped on a tree root and impaled himself. Some say you can still hear their voices at night… Whispering… I think these sardines are still good.” I’d probably use them to make a pear mead with some wild honey. The word mead comes from the proto-Slavic mid, which in Ukrainian means honey. It’s also the supposed origin of the concept of a honeymoon. Before their discovery that heat is a catalyst mead was reserved for kings and the wealthiest nobles as honey takes 15-30 years to ferment with just fruit yeast. I’ve had some really good ones before there, not too sweet and surprisingly refreshing with a variety of fruit flavors and no additives.