Picture thread-P12 Official sponsors

Penicillin

As a graduate of a Pac-12 school I understand the difference between a picture thread and a text thread. My audience are also Pac-12 fans used to disappointment, so here is some text. In the time it will take you to skim this you could start your own fly by night event ticket re-sale business and become a Pac-12 sponsor.

I was thinking about this before the prestigious Jockey deal, back when they announced Pacific Seafoods as the official seafood supplier of the Pac-12. Who the fuck has an official seafood supplier was my first thought, followed closely by “wait is this the one that has their headquarters a few minutes from the place in Clackamas that I pay to store a half dozen shipping containers? That’s ghetto.” I looked at the Big Ten’s list of sponsors. The difference is what you would expect. The Pac-12 is the kid at school with Goodwill clothes while the Big Ten had their moms stylist pick out some clothes for them. The Big Ten had homemade waffles and fresh fruit for breakfast, the Pac-12 had cereal that comes in a bag without the box, not the one sold at the regular grocery store but it’s knockoff competitor.

Who are some sponsors and what the fuck do they do? Here are some official ones:
* PrimeSport. It’s like Stubhub or Seatgeek but their business page is a Facebook page and the first Google FAQ is whether it is a legitimate business.
* Opus Bank. It’s a bank I’ve never heard of that has since been acquired by another bank I’ve never heard of.
* Repreve. Makes sports fabric or some shit. Second Google FAQ is whether it’s safe for skin.
* Redbox and Jack in the Box. Other than sponsoring a very prestigious but non-pop-offable bowl game you know what they do. I’m not a big fast food consumer, but I got Jack in the Box as recently as two years ago because it’s been decades since their food killed people with salmonella. My large fries had one curly fry and one regular fry. That’s it. Just one of each. I think to use a Redbox you must have a minimum of two children, Cookie Monster sweatpants, and a boyfriend who owns a pitbull they plan on breeding for a profit.
* Copia. I’ll let them explain: Copia™ makes healthy food more accessible to people in the community by helping businesses redistribute high-quality excess food to feed people in need. Businesses use our technology platform to feed the community, save money, and reduce waste. Together, we're making hunger history. How do they make money? How cheap is sponsoring the Pac-12 anyway?
* ShooWin: I shit you not, this company exists and they let you bid to reserve tickets to sporting events. How is it different from the other ticket reseller? No one gives a fuck because they don’t use it, that’s how.
* Unifi: there are a ton of unifi companies, I tried to find out which one it is and I’ve circled the most likely candidates.
*
* Ticketsmarter: it’s yet another ticket site. How does this one differentiate? They prey on the dyslexic that think they’re going to be fucked by TicketMaster instead.
* Audi. How the fuck did Audi wind up on this list? Did some German intern get confused, see the Pacific Seafood press release and accidentally sign Audi up, thinking it was a charity for the Pacific Ocean? Another possible scenario is that they show the Pac-12 Network late at night in Germany and it’s become some kind of weird German BDSM punishment and torture kink, and Audi wants a piece of that market.

Some other potential sponsors

Official tire dealer

Official dental hygiene supplier

Official hazelnut spread. Cannot legally use the word hazelnut without it being followed by the word flavor and with quotation marks. Not available in the state of California due to carcinogenic risks.

Not these, but whatever the equivalent knockoff brand version of those are.

ZAZ-968, the sponsor of the Pac-12 Football Coach of the Year award. Zaporozhets: “Put it in H!“

Abogado Rosenthal: Accidentes de carro? El combate fuego con fuego con Abogado Rosenthal!

If you think the Pac-12 sucks and you can do better here is your chance: https://www.glassdoor.com/job-listing/sponsorship-sales-manager-pac-12-networks-JV_IC1147401_KO0,25_KE26,41.htm?jl=3804694673 the pay scale starts at a totally reasonable Bay Area salary of $64k and you’ll have the pleasure of working for the Pac-12, rated 2.7 stars on Glassdoor! What does 2.7 stars mean? Look up the worst company you know and compare! Many positive reviews of having worked for the Pac-12, don’t just read reviews from disgruntled former employees when reviewers like John Everyman and Cindy Illthinkofalastnamelatermaybesomethingasian praise how great the office is thanks to its very reasonable rental price and the great executive team that is always there with that handsome Larry Scott leading the way.

dannarc said:

Clorox won’t sponsor us? SAD!