Well Chip Kelly, while Husky Nation celebrates today's news that you're leaving Oregon to become head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, I'm admittedly feeling a bit melancholic.
My Huskies will never again have a chance to beat you.
After four seasons at Oregon, you achieved Pete Carroll levels of success. Four consecutive BCS appearances and a remarkable 47-7 record, not to mention a perfect 12-0 record against Northwest opponents and the repeated butt kickings you've dealt the Dawgs.
Here's a glance at the annual carnage:
2009 Oregon 43, UW 19
2010 Oregon 53, UW 16
2011 Oregon 34, UW 17
2012 Oregon 52, UW 21
Washington hasn't beaten Oregon since 2003, when QB Casey Paus came off the bench to lead the Huskies to a 42-10 win on a cold Saturday night. That was back when Keith Gilbertson was our coach.
Since then, your Ducks have won a total of nine straight games over our lads. None of the games have been close. They've all been laughers. That's hard for us Huskies to take, considering that we dominated the overall series with Oregon going back to 1900.
Your success has transformed you into a symbol of Oregon supremacy and a reminder of Washington's dismal fall from grace over the past decade. Therefore, you've become a lightning rod for Husky hatred. You revolutionized the way offense is played in college football with your hurry-up offense, and your manner of exploiting opponents' weaknesses with unconventional strategies has been startling. On top of it all, your gruff manner with the media, smart ass remarks to sideline reporters, and that visor sitting atop your perpetually scowling face, have all conspired to build up the Chip Kelly Mystique.
Yes, my melancholy stems from knowing that we will never beat you. We will never again have a chance to wipe that arrogant smirk from your meaty jowls.
Now, I'm no fool. At the rate UW is going under our coach Steve Sarkisian, it might have been another 15-20 years before the Huskies snatched victory from your grubby little hands.
Nevertheless, speculation abounds in Seattle today that you took the Eagles' job to stay out of harm's way, should the NCAA deal sanctions to the Oregon program. Some say that you're pulling a Pete Carroll, laughing your way to NFL millions while your former school falls into the pit of probation.
But I rue your jump to the NFL. I regret that I'll never see the clock at Husky or Autzen Stadium run to 0:00 and watch you humble yourself at midfield to shake the hand of the winning Washington coach, while the Husky Marching Band strikes up "Celebration".
As comedian Adam Carolla would say, in his trademark flippant and defiant tone: "Whadya gonna do?"