DuckFighter Illustrated: Season Ending Special Edition






South Central Shocker Costs Kiffin His Job

Rob Bobertson

The WSU Cougars took advantage of a horrible USC offense to score the winning touchdown on a Pick Six with 30 seconds left in the first half. Trojan Athletic Director Pat "Hand" Haden fired Lane Kiffin at halftime and replaced him with Craig James who was fired after the game for failing to pay David Stern $75,000.00 for anti gay marriage remarks he made at a church. Some of that is actually true.

The Cougars now have 9 byes before the Apple Cup. Mike Leach credits the stunning 35 point comeback in the last 15 seconds at last year's Apple Cup as the catalyst for the Coug's belief in their ability to beat over rated former Pete Carroll assistants. Mike Leach wanted the Husky job but didn't fit the profile of a soft, good natured loser who would do things the right way.

USC turns its attention to a coaching search since their season is over. Interim USC Head Coach Nick Saban said the Trojans still have plenty to play for.

Bill Moos raised ticket prices for next year's Apple Cup. Jim L. Mora chuckled to himself. Steve Sarkisian wondered how Lane got three different teams to throw money at him when Sark will be finished once he gets fired at Washington.

Helfrich Clings to His Job

Mallard N. Moore

Mark Helfrich is safe "for now" according to sources inside the Hooker and Blow Center in Eugene. Another disappointing 49 point win and that could change according to Duck Athletic Director whoever the hell is fronting for Phil Knight these days. The Virginia Cavaliers were a horrible team but at least the broadcast crew led by Ed Cunningham was entertaining.

We learned that Rich Brooks 17 year plan to lose the Rose Bowl set the foundation for the current dynasty. I'm not using the obvious Duck Dynasty tie in because A&E refused to pay us to do so. Brooks did play a major role by leaving town as soon as he had even that modest success paving the way for Mediocre Mike Bellotti to hire Chip Kelly who then took over and built the team you see today that is fast dissipating under Mark Heifrich.

Cunningham also mentioned the 91 Huskies 91 times and hurt the back of his hand handing out back handed compliments to the nice little program down there in Eugene. Angry Duck fans got spittle all over their TV screens as they yelled at Ed in their cute little daffy duck way.

Tennessee comes to town to get curb stomped. Everyone knows the Pac 12 is better than the SEC. Everyone says so.

Washington v. Illinois - Pool Boy Stadium, Montlake District, Washington

The Husky season comes to an eventful close this Saturday in a disturbing loss to Illinois who are fresh off a dismantling of the Cincinnati Royals. Expect to hear stuff like this -

"I'm not sure we concentrated as hard as we could during the two weeks off"

"We might have got a little giddy with ourselves"

"Who says giddy in this day and age"

"There might have been a bit of a house money feel to the season after we were 1-0"

"We need to clean some things up and really get after Idaho State"

"Red Grange was unstoppable and that was the difference"

I actually sat on my parents house on a crisp New Years Day in 1964 and watched Illinois beat the Huskies in the Rose Bowl after breaking Bill Douglass' leg. That was the last Husky appearance in the Rose Bowl before the recently retired Don James won the league in 1977 narrowly beating out Rich Brook's nascent Oregon Dynasty. That 13 year gap was the second longest one in school history and is about to be overtaken by the current regime.

Illinois 35, UW 17


UCLA travels to Lincoln to get a standing ovation from the classy Nebraska fans...USC hosts Boston College...plenty of tickets available for that one folks...Cal survived Portland State and now chooses to play Ohio State at recently remodeled Hempfest Stadium...Wisconsin and ASU meet in a possible Rose Bowl preview...looks like everyone else is taking the week off...Johnny Football welcomes Coach Football to College Station for the A&M Bama rematch that is the talk of college football this week...Give Nick Saban two weeks to prepare for a revenge game and take Bama and all the points...Thanks for reading and we'll see you next season!